Sometimes we all talk about being submissive in women as if it's a bad thing or a good thing. Depends on the results and situations or circumtances.
Good submissive is not about expressing reactive emotions at the moment. Speaking out of turn and saying nonsense or spewing insults could be all that comes out and measured as the results. Often times people talk about leadership as in one who's large and in charge. It's basically bullying all others into submission because that is the root of most people's understanding of the concept of leadership. Often times it's the one with the loudest voice, but we know that often such the case it's not the most wise of person and just someone who is emotionally entagled at the moment.
True leadership is more about servantship or stewardship. One who takes listening skills and compassion of others to the level of becoming a decision maker in the name of leadership. Not everyone can do this, because it taks one who possesses altruistic behaviour and we all know that is like one in a million personal characteristic trait. However through mental/psychological training of leadership classes and even from mentorship, those who understand mentorship and mentee and stewardship or caretaker in concepts, genrally will become competent leaders. There are times when making a democratic decision is the right or better choice. Sometimes there are times where making a bold decision for the one that benefits over the many is the right choice even if it seems to not be the better choice. That has yet to be seen down the road in history to prove that. Many lessons in history is about making the choice for the one/few that swims against the democratice many current and it's proven to be that the few survivors were the right choice. It's a hard choice, but to survive into history can only be measured by the results of success or failure. As sometimes or more often that the choice of the few were often the wrong choice. This depends on being submissive or oppressive.
If one has to be submissive while being oppressed, then that where the negative connotation come from. Again did I say who created this stupid tradition? It's not Hmong tradition. It's just the mindset of those who are bullies and chooses dictatorship as their leadership methodology. Why it's almost a natural biological instinct ingrained over millions of years through evolution. It's almost no different that when one gets pulled into an argument that the one person raises their voice and the next one does so instinctively too. Sometimes you have to, to be the alpha because that's the only way the betas will instinctively submit. Hmong families that insist on such traditions, well they are ruining it for what is truly Hmong traditions that's become lost in meaning.
Why do men look for a submissive women? It's the mistaken meaning. Men look for a woman who respects him. That means being submissive while he is speaking and trying to convey his mindset. That also means do not judge him yet, until he finishes to see if what he speaks of if it is wisdom or foolishness. Only wisdom seeks understanding and correction. Only foolishness seeks validation and coercion. To be submissive is like a high level skill of a special kind of stewardship in a women who is motherly, caring, loving, nurturing, and forgiving. If she doesn't have those skills, submissive is probably not one of her skills. Then when she is submissive, she is only being oppressed by a bully of a man and not really that of a husband in marriage in a sense. While dating, if that is the type of man who says he's looking for a submissive women, he's probably of the bullying type. He should not have to express that ever. It's she that either she has that skills or mentality or not.
If she truly posses the skills of submission, she is not there to challenge him or disrespect him. She will know when to advise him, such a skill of stewardship that benefits him and her. If dating such a person, man or woman, that should be keepers. However dating is dating and those young selves of us, were oftern too stupid to recognize these qualities and traits. We are stupid because we fall into the trap of Westernized romance. When we should've been more traditional with our romance in the form of yin yang courtship. One hot, one cold, one warm, one cool, one strong push and one soft give. We don't fight each other, we should fight together, but from different points of views, different angles of wisdom.
If he's not that either, then he's probably an insecure hmong man in the end. Again by who's definition?
Topic: dating traditional insecure hmong women (Read 26970 times)