Did you married out of obligation? NOT I!!! And that age range too??

[theking]

My husband of 2 years is suddenly telling people he married me out of obligation. How do I deal?

I am 60 years old and my husband of less than two years has been telling his family and friends — in my presence — that he married me out of a sense of obligation.

We had an eight-year relationship prior to getting married. He told me upfront that he didn’t want to remarry. I struggled with this privately but, with counseling, came to accept his terms. Not long after, he proposed out of the blue.

The "obligation" narrative is new. The first time he relayed this to his family, I expressed dismay and surprise, but not anger (I kept my cool). Now he’s repeating this narrative to his close friends. He doesn’t seem to understand how painful this is for me. What should I do?

[Prude]

Did she ever ask what that obligation was? What if it was for
his love for her?

Kind of like "After musing through my heart and mind, I've come to the realization
that I'm in love with you and, for that, I'm obligated to
marry you..."

[Believe_N_Me]

In other words, he felt bad for having used her for 8 years. Either that or he got comfortable. A lot of people grow very accustomed to the person they've been with even if there is no longer any passion. Some even despise each other, but at 55+ years of age, passion is probably the lowest on their list of priorities. It's more important to have someone you know you can trust to drop you off at the airport or pick you up if your car dies on the roadside.   

[Believe_N_Me]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SK5ncx8oW3c

You'd be surprised to learn how so many people, especially Asians, marry based on obligation. Many are seeking a partner to fulfill a role. Romance, attraction, chemistry, and passion have very little to do with who they will actually marry.

There are Asian men (including Hmong men) who carry a passion and attraction for a woman who does not have the character of a wife. They love her but won't marry her. Instead, they will marry a woman whom they don't love but can perform wifely duties. These men live a very fragmented life. They fantasize and obsess over the hot ex while living an unemotional life with the wife. These men will cheat and lust after other women but come home to the wife, whom is just there as a necessary tool to keep the house in order. For some men, they will take multiple wives, each fulfilling the fragmented parts of his life.

 

[Prude]

Hmong wife complains: "You don't even love me."

Hmong man says: "Don't love? Seven kids and you still say don't love?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SK5ncx8oW3c

You'd be surprised to learn how so many people, especially Asians, marry based on obligation. Many are seeking a partner to fulfill a role. Romance, attraction, chemistry, and passion have very little to do with who they will actually marry.

There are Asian men (including Hmong men) who carry a passion and attraction for a woman who does not have the character of a wife. They love her but won't marry her. Instead, they will marry a woman whom they don't love but can perform wifely duties. These men live a very fragmented life. They fantasize and obsess over the hot ex while living an unemotional life with the wife. These men will cheat and lust after other women but come home to the wife, whom is just there as a necessary tool to keep the house in order. For some men, they will take multiple wives, each fulfilling the fragmented parts of his life.

[DuMa]

We used to joke about this one friend that met this chick from Washington state while he just graduated from the U of M.  Once graduated, he married her right away.  She then quit her job and moved to Burnsville and opened up a Dental practice.  The wife is the dentist while he's the receptionist.  He was only 21 and she was 31 when he married her.  He married for obligation and now he's doing well.

My Mn cousin had the chance to hook up with an older chick from our trip to the OC.  This chick owns 5 pho houses.  This chick was all over my cousin.  We had a beer and thinking back, he could of married that chick for his obligation.  Say what you say but he gets to live in a big mansion, driving any toy cars that he wanted and she probably will give him a credit card to spend with, all in her name.  Laugh all you want but that's how the west was won. 

I mean comparing that to us being almost 50 years old and still no wife and kids, the fear of missing out is real.  Old age reflection creeps on in.  Goals and accomplishment s in this arena go out the window.  You missed your chances there buddy. 

The struggle is real and at our age, I'm not mad at those who took the path to secure their life and are happy now.   

[Believe_N_Me]

My favorite book of all times is "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck. Many Chinese women loathe it because it takes place during the feudal period when women were viewed as property and wealthy men married multiple wives. In addition, they also had many concubines. Girls had their feet bound, too. I love the story because it's a rags to riches story about a poor farmer who worked and saved his way to become a wealthy, prominent landowner.

His first wife, Olan, was a plain and homely servant girl. Wang Lung did not want a fancy, educated, and pretty wife. He preferred a woman who was efficient and competent at raising children and performing housework and farming. He was too poor to even marry another farm girl so he had to go to the wealthy landowner of the village to marry one of their servants. There were beautiful servants that he could have married, but he rejected that because he knew that the wealthy landowner's sons slept with the pretty servant girls.

Anyways, he treated all the wives the same - HE IGNORED THEM ALL.

At least the first wife saw him here and there whenever he needed to consult her or make some type of business-related transaction about the goings-on in the home/family. But the concubine, whom he married, was put away in her court never to be heard or seen again.


 

[JonniJacko]

Do not become a victim of Illusionary Love. men are becoming aware...women, however, will take some more time as women are more biological in nature. LOL Mother nature is sweet, beautiful, but can be cruel as heck too..so be warn people. People who recognize this brutal truth will either avoid relationships, or use it to their advantage. We see it all the time, men losing everything, house, jobs, children...to women with permanent scars and gashes to their souls.....Life is truly a war often masked by temporary happiness, highs, and heaven......So my fellow human beings, be awaken. Your life is precious, your soul invaluable, some sell their soul, but many get their soul stolen. Protect yourself at all times, even when you're sleeping. haha

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRPQrUzxnV8