I noticed several comments on the cost of marriage.
Do couples in the Hmong community not prepare for the cost? In this day & age ignorance is no longer a viable excuse. Why the rush? Patience & hard work can prevent an indefinite amount of potential future problems. The cost of marriage as a whole even beyond monetary can have long lasting impact on both sides of the family.
The cost is one major reason I've decided to wait. Now I own a home[mortgage free], great running car[paid off], currently debt free. I now have savings to cover the typical bride price, a ring, a similar reception in this post, honeymoon. Anything more extravagant, I would have to dip into my credit cards. No need for external assistance from family & friends. 10 years is what it took to get to this point.
Some are and some aren't. Unfortunately some Hmong still believe in eloping, bride-napping, pregnancy, etc., reasons = marriage is required. The fact is if the individuals involved chose not to get married, they don't have to.
Those that still think marriage is required when those things happen may or may not be prepared to pay for the cost especially those that fall in the pregnancy reasons group.
When it comes to cost and how much the couple should spend, that mainly just depends on them as a marriage/wedding can cost as low as a couple hundred dollars to as high as millions of dollars.
Bottomline is, people should do what's right and comfortable for them instead of trying to show off, please others, etc., because that could put them in a huge debt.
And also as you've pointed out:
"The cost is one major reason I've decided to wait."...It's better to get it done when you are ready and at your own time than being forced to do it by others IMO.
And as I've said, instead of helping or giving their daughter and son-in-law a head start on their new life together, some parents insist that the couple pay off the loan (bride price)...That could put a lot of unnecessary stress on the new couple but it doesn't have to be.