luvly....is she really?

[luvlylisa]

Just thought I'd post this here. Someone asked me to share what I thought about true luv and how I want to be treated in a relationship. So here goes...

Hello mister. Hello. How are you doing? I hope this email reaches you when you are well rested and with the sun fill blue skies.

So you want to know how I feel about luv? Or you want to know what my definition of true luv is? I'm very much a hopeless romantic (I watch enough heart wrenching Korean/Chinese dramas to dream about what luv should be. However, I am rather practical and a realistic at heart. So as much as I may watch and root for the ugly duckling of Cinderella's to get the charming and successful prince, I know it's "just a dream." Reality doesn't work that way.

True luv? As I've said before, I believe in the concept of luv but I truly have not experienced it myself. So in ways, it isn't "real" to me yet. I also don't believe in the titles. What constitutes the title of boyfriend and girlfriend? Other than a ceremony and a legal documentation, what constitutes a marriage? Some ppl let the title define them and they give into the role of their title. They do things they think boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives are expected to do but maybe they really don't want to. Personally, it's not sincere or genuine then.  Again, I am someone who doesn't like to put expectations on others however, if I see their true actions executed in wanting to be with me, remembering things about me, going out of their way to do things for me (holding the door for me, ordering food for me that I want, holding my hand, or getting something out of my hair) shows me not only that they genuinely care but that they pay some attention to me. I don't want to be waited on or smothered but it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me and my well being. That someone thinks the world of me....that I can be happiness for someone. That is a nice feeling. I think that is what true luv is. Letting someone in while wanting to be the best of friends with your partner and returning the same respect, support, care, and luv back. I too, would luv a relationship when I can connect with someone so well that we don't have to say a word to each other...just one look and we both know what the other person is thinking. Or if we are talking that we can literally finish each other's words. I also think having the same sense of humor is also helpful. It adds to the chemistry that is already there. Lastly, I think no matter what, true luv is purely unconditional. Ultimately though, I have also learned that true luv is when you are selfless. It means whole heartedly luving someone and wanting them to be happy---even if it means w/o you.

How do I want to be luved or treated? In all honesty, if if all of the above is true in my partner then this person will be charmingly honest with me and respect me-all of me, my physical appearance, my personality, my intelligence, my values, my emotional and spiritual well being as well as my flaws. I don't need sweet words in my ear. If anything that can be rather annoying and irritating if it is excessive. I'm not a girl that needs to be swept off my feet. I'm pretty independent so I don't need a lot of praise. Maybe just a helping hand (especially in high places since I'm so short LOL ). They will be sensitive to my emotions but also know when to give me a kick in the butt when I am feeling unmotivated and/or down. They will know how to support me when I can't find the drive to get out of bed or cheer me on when I lack the confidence. I don't want them to go out of their way to do things for me but at least find ways to keep my attention. They will battle the struggles in my life with me and be there to celebrate when I have successes and will also welcome me as their cheerleader and my support during their tough times. They will also have me by their side to share the joy in their accomplishment s. I'd like someone who just doesn't want to be my luver but wants to be my confidant and most importantly, a companion.  However, as much as we want to be together we will also understand we need to have our own space and time apart as well. I think this is important. It's not to say that we have to physically stay apart but having our own alone time, time with our own friends, or doing hobbies separately is important. 

Deal breakers for me are liars and cheaters (I see them as the same thing bc if you're cheating then you're already lying). I also do not care for men who are disrespectful (especially to women, children, and the elderly) and I don't like ppl who use derogatory language.

Thank you for sharing what your views are on true luv and how you want to be treated in a relationship. It was nice to know. I feel you are rather more romantic than I am. Just an observation. LOL

Might sound like a lot and maybe it might be complex...whic h is y I'm still single; but I'm not complaining. When u ask, I simply gave the answer. 

Kthnxbye!

[luvlylisa]

Urgh, so suffocating.

Anyway, the niece's third bday was celebrated this weekend. It was hot so eventually we brought out an inflatable kiddie pool. It was a small party but dayem....we were all exhausted.

Anyway, just three more days and my nephew will b here! So excited but I'm not looking forward to my aunty duties for this next week n a half.

[luvlylisa]

The nephew is now to be 5 and a half months. He's drooling like no other and just learned how to roll over. He luvs his jumper n enjoys conversation. Always smiling if someone is talking to him. Otherwise, just poops and pees and cries for now.

The niece is sick today. I came home to hear her mom say that she puked three times today. Had to run to the store to get some meds for her while nyab gave the nephew a bath. Yep, aunty duties.

Otherwise, my mom has been in the hospital for three weeks tomorrow. Mom had a stroke a few weeks back. It was scary n I was the one that found her n her car. Well, she was honking her horn like crazy bc her left side was completely numb and she could not move. She dropped her phone and keys so she couldn't call us. It was about 7:30pm. Luckily, she had good instincts when she was at her garden (which is about 30 min drive away from r house) as she felt her body was kind of off and was scared so she came home; parked her car and then it happened. She was so scared she pissed herself. I got her out but didn't really realize what had happened until I had to leave her on the curb bc I couldn't get her up over it since she couldn't move her left foot. I didn't want to drop her (cause I almost did). Nyab was inside with the kids and she can't even open a jar of chili oil so there was no way I could ask her to come help me with mom. We called the ambulance and got her to ER. Luckily enough they said that we caught it early and no operation was needed. She's been in rehab for two weeks now with OT n PT. Although she still is working on walking (she hasn't quite been able to put a lot of weight on her left foot) she at least has made improvements in getting strength back in her left arm and leg. She's a fighter but so negative and pessimistic. It's toxic being with her every day but I'm her daughter and despite our luv-hate relationship I am one of the few who is rather empathetic to her n her needs. I wished my other siblings would be more considerate.

Anyway, times like this is typically stressful but I know she will be OK and make it through. I am learning to be a better person n more appreciative person from this experience n hopefully, a better daughter.

[luvlylisa]

Urgh, how long will he keep telling lies or spinnin this story of his? I mean, it's sort of entertaining but at the same time-eh. G k. 

The big bro is back in town to pick up his car and visit mom. After the hospital visit today we drove out to Rochester to have dinner. Dinner was eh too. Too many ppl so food was fresh n even though the variety is more than what we can find n r dinky small city here...they took forever to replenish dishes and/or if u didn't watch carefully-u'd get nothing but "old" food or the stuff no one eats (the veggies or plain low mien).

Mom is supposed to get discharged on Tuesday next week but she has a UTI and other things r all whack so most likely she won't be home anytime soon.

I always knew my big bro was her fav....but I really saw it for myself two days ago. He really can do no wrong n her eyes. I know if I said or did anything like him she'd tell me I'm a b|tch n completely throw shade n fury at me. But nope, my brothers can do no harm n she doesn't bat an eye or frown but tells me I'm not only the worst daughter of hers or human being ever. I am not trying to win any brownie pts whatsoever w her but at least acknowledge that I am human n I, too, have feelings n emotions. Afterall, I am a reflection of u.

[luvlylisa]

Update...my mom did not come home today. The dr wanted to keep her for another day or so due to low sodium and to have another CT scan done just to double check. We had a meeting today with some of her care team about home care for her when she does get discharged. Family. Talk. Decisions. Stuff.

I really need to make time to study my Korean and review my Chinese more. I've been putting that off for the longest time. But on the flip side....I kind of been "studying" Korean with all the shows/movies/dramas that I watch.

[luvlylisa]

At the end of the day...I guess it really doesn't matter. No, I don't matter. So y do I even bother?

Toxicity is real. Trauma is real. Abuse is real.

Guess, I am not tho. 

[luvlylisa]

What a long day! I have no regrets.....on ly wished I can have more patience-with everything.

Anyway, mom came home today. It's been quite the transition for everyone but we'll be OK. With time we'll all adjust and see where we need to make other accommodations .

Now I finally have some time to myself. Not gonna watch my kdrama tonight. Running Man it is!

[luvlylisa]

Didn't get to watch RM.

Another long day. I'm up in arms n feel like a lost abused puppy. Lost? Sometimes I feel like a stray too. Or r they the same?

U said u came back for me? Is that pity? Maybe a form of luv...n a weird way I appreciate that but n another way I wished u would have not bothered to think of me n such a way. Things may have been very different but at the same time it may have been best--but we'll never know will we?

Do you ever feel like you just want to run? Literally just get up and go and have absolutely no worries, no care n the world, n just like that-fly? I hate feathered things or birds in general but I envy that they can fly and soar with the wind against their face/feathers n at least feel free.

[luvlylisa]

I can't believe I haven't come to rant or put thoughts down for almost a year (about 8 months).

Work is work-nothing has changed there. You can say that's a good thing. If anything, I am glad I'm no longer in a toxic environment n my supervisor actually appreciates me for once.

Things at home have been OK-for the most part. The kids r growing n I have a lil mini me-although I don't think her mom likes that she tends to be more like me-n the nephew is finally walking-still kinda drunk like, I call it drunken milk walking-but at least he's walking. He's also a bit colicky so he sticks mostly to his parents n is always crying but he does like his aunty when mommy n daddy r not around as well.

Mom hasn't been the best n if anything, very defiant. We can't reason w her anymore so now we just don't bother nor say anything. Regardless, we r always the "bad guy" so we've just given up. In levels of safety, it's bad and it is dangerous but again, she won't listen n is too stubborn. We could put her n a facility (what I am sure my nyab hopes for but that's not going to happen) to ensure that everyone is safe but then we would be the low-life ungrateful children who didn't luv r mom.

J4 weekend, my sis n her fam came which prompt my older bro n two cousins n their fam to all come n visit together. It was nice to c everyone-the house was packed-but it was a lot of fun seeing all the kids (for some it was their first time meeting). If anything, we also learned to will need to make a trip out east for my sis and BIL's npe laus party in early summer. I'm excited n I know others r too but I just hope it will be a nice trip/time w as lil to no drama as possible. Is it bad to say that I hope my dad n his wife don't make it? I mean, we all r skeptical of them attending already since they've not shown up for anything already in the last two yrs anyway (funerals, weddings, etc.).  Guess we'll have to wait n find out eh.

So, I have had a TT for maybe two yrs now but literally didn't do anything on there the first yr. Thanks to the last yr n being bored n addition not being able to really post on YT (editing just sucks) I prefer the TT platform with shorter vids. It's also a huge rabbit hole-yeah, u can def find me scrolling for hrs in bed regardless of morning or night.  I don't post anything outrageous though. Some food/mukbangs, vlogs n vids of my aunty time/life, clothing/makeup hauls, but I mainly wanted to share vids about the HMoob language (which I started to do on my YT). However, this past yr was overwhelming for me n a lot of areas of my life n I started a "Diary of a HMoob Daugther" series. Just my personal rants from my experience of being a HMoob daughter. Granted, the experience is of mine thus, may not resonate w everyone-that's OK-but hopefully, others know they do not feel alone n the space of being just that-a HMoob daughter.

Anyway, if ur reading this-thanks for "checking-in" or for being nosy.  Kthnxbye

[luvlylisa]

Yes, I'm still alive. 

It's been a lil over a yr n well, we indeed went to Philly n attended my sister n BIL's npe laus celebration. Made it a huge family affair n spent a week n a half out there-even got some family qt out n Ocean City for a few days. It was my mom's first time seeing the ocean. My dad n his wife showed up n although I thought it would be awkward-it was in the beginning, I was able to talk to him (sort of); heck, I even bought his wife a gift (of course I got something for my mom as well). To sum it up, it was a nice trip. Exhausting but good.

Work has been a bit chaotic with storage of staff n several transitions w ppl coming n going (resulting n several assignment shifting) but n another week we will have a full team again n will hopefully have caseloads set n finalized (for good) this time. I've been w this job now for three yrs n I've had to relearn things or unlearn bad habits w my boundaries but I'm proud of myself for realizing this n fixing it so I don't continue it n this role. I have also realized while learning to (re)set my boundaries I have observed that not everyone is willing to b a team player. I say this bc I knew when we were short staff n overwhelmed w our caseloads as is, but having to take on more programs n caseloads was a no brainer. U can't just drop or not serve students. But no one was willing to step up n take more. I had to break the silence n step up; told the new manager in order to serve students-even if I didn't the know the programs-I'd get familiar w them but will not cut out students. Unfortunately, it came to b just two of the six of us who stepped up. That was disappointing to actually see that my team (many who have been here for a long time) didn't want to step up (we stared at each other n Zoom for about a good silent 3-4 minutes-that's a long time to be silent and have no one unmute via video). Anyway, we have two new staff now but we're still in transition n caseloads will b a lil more manageable. We hope so at least. I did get word that we are now approved to have at least two remote days (campus-wide for staff) so I will definitely be requesting for another remote day (espec. when I found out that I was the only staff who was told I had to work four days on-campus while others had more options of remote-would have not been a problem had I not know that others had a choice where I didn't).  Anway, other than that, work has been the same. Meeting with students, assisting them with their usual academic goals/issues/questions.

I really wanted to travel more this year but just didn't happen. Granted, the yr is not over yet but looking at my schedule already for the academic yr n other things/events coming up in addition to budgeting things out-not going to happen as planned. Maybe some short and small trips. We'll c I guess.

HNY dates are set for the end of Sept here now. I'm definitely going as I missed out last yr due to the family all having COVID. Got my HMoob outfits picked. Although the lineup for the night party is nothing compared to last yr, I'm thinking of getting a new flashy dress. Y not? 

It's early but I did start my Xmas shopping already, at least for my niece and nephew. They're pretty ez to shop for. I have found when I start early n the yr I'm not running around trying to find things. It's ezr on the pocket n I at least try to get something on everyone's wishlist later n the yr. 

Hope all is well w u...thanx for dropping n! 

[lilly]

Good to see all is well with you, luvlylisa!  Like you, I am still alive too.   

[luvlylisa]

Good to see all is well with you, luvlylisa!  Like you, I am still alive too.   

hi lilly! Yeah, same-o, same-o everyday. I guess that’s not a bad thing.

Glad to c u here (PH) n here (my lil ranting corner). 

[luvlylisa]

Hello PHers, nyob zoo luvs! It’s 2025; I’m still alive. That’s all. KThnxBye!

[luvlylisa]

Seven months later and here I am....checking in.

2025 has been an alright year for me. Work is work-we finally have a full team again with two people retired now. Getting to know my new colleagues and my performance review we did over the summer confirmed that I am valued and appreciated and bring a lot to the table.  Thank you!

Otherwise, this summer I took a big adult step and moved out on my own for the first time (at 44 yrs old). The kids needed their own room and I think my brother has been sensing that I've been thinking about it and maybe he also thought if he approached me about the move it would prompt me to be OK-giving me approval to leave and have mom stay with him so I could finally start to do things for myself instead of carry part of the burden of "putting things on hold" to help him with my mom. We never discussed this in detail but we are close and I've disclosed that I luv him so I stay to help hiim with the kids, my mom, n help them pay mortgage. That I'd most likely not be able to be "free" to do anything until mom is gone. Maybe that was upsetting for him to hear or maybe he felt pitty on me-I don't know as again, we didn't discuss it and he didn't say that was the reason for my older brother (he also moved back to the house for two yrs now) to move out for the kids. Honestly, I was hurt at first. Maybe if my brother wasn't so anxious when he brought it up I wouldn't have felt awkward and upset about it but a month or so I knew had it never said anything, I'd probably never have left. Now that it's been almost two months, I should have done this a long timei ago!

I now live in a one bdrm apt about five blocks from work. I didn't want anything too far (from work)-I even looked at apts across the street from my office! But I needed to be reasonable in regards to my budget. My one non-negeotiables was it needed to have A/C. Although my apt doesn't have central air it does have a sleeve unit which is fine. I'm at the office 3xweek n my remote days as long as there's a window (for natural lighting) I don't really need my lights on, I've no TV so electricity (bill) will be fine as utilities other than electricity are included (rent is $980). I just walk to work to save on gas and to get my body moving cause we all know I surely need it. Hey, it's true. I've also been meal prepping and sticking to eating what I prep and buy and trying not to eat out as much. I have to say, I've been doing well "adulting." I used to think I'd need all this money but I know I'm a practical person and other than clothes and makeup, I really don't spend money on anything else and even those things I've been realistic about my spending. I also don't have the closet space anymore-I've had to downgrade from a nice walk-in closet to a small dinky one 3ft wide closet. I've had to donate so much stuff it's almost disgusting. I remembered when I hauled all my stuff from my room to the garage to move to the new apt....I literally filled up about a quarter of a 2-car garage and that didn't even count any of my clothing! I didn't know what was more amazing or dare I say appalling, the fact that one-person accumlated all that stuff or that somehow, someway I had all that stuff in my bedroom (granted, some of that stuff I accumulated over 8+ yrs)! But I'm here now until next August. So far, so good. I miss the kiddos and they've been wanting to do a sleepover but this auntie isn't ready yet. I'm not fully settled but I'm at least unpacked. There's a few things like a dinning table I've yet to get and possible shelving unit to "complete" things. I'm holding off on decor as I'm not quite sure what "vibe" I'm looking for. I have time so I'll take it to think through.

It was disappointing to hear after I moved out that my mom had an accident. Three weeks ago my mom fell in the bathroom (we sitll kind of don't know what happened) and ended up breaking her right ankle after getting up from her wheelchair after she fell the first time (she was stubborn and didn't wait for my brother to help her and got up to lose her footing). After a week and a half she finally had surgery on it and just this Monday she was placed in an assisted living facility bc the doc said she needs at least 2 months to recover and coming home will not be in her best interest as she will need 24/7 care and we are nto equipped to lift her to go to the bathroom for the toilet or to bathe her. Staying at the facitiy will also provide her OT and PT on a daily/weekly basis which she is needing. She's obviously not OK with that and feels we don't luv her to "leave her" or take her to such a place but in this case, it really is for her safety and recovery. My mom and my relationship has never been good-OK, there was a good era when I was living abroad but it took me literally hopping on a plane and being on the other side of the planet for her to be "nice" to me. Can't say that stayed that way after I came back at the end of the semester. Now that I moved out and she had this accident, I've noticed when I visit she isn't as negative with me and isn't so harsh with me. Don't get me wrong, she's still negative about all other things and whines, gripes, and complains...pi ty party as usual. However, she's simmered down with me as her punching bag/scape goat and asks nicely if she needs me to do something. I don't know how to take it as it's odd but again, I don't have the energy to fight and argue so I don't say much. We aren't affectionate with one another and I always have my niece with me when I visit who I channel my sincerity through telling her to thov Vajtswv rau Pog before we leave and to remember to hug and say goodbye when we go. I used to just leave w/o saying anything, but now I stoicly tell her "peb mus lawm os" as I tap her leg. 

Hmong New Year was last weekend. It rained, not surprised but overall, it was eh. I didn't see as many ppl as I'd like but it was nice to finally spend it with the kiddos this year. Last year I was tabling (which I did on the second day for a few hrs) and volunteering both days so I didn't get spend any time with the fam/kiddos.

What can I say...am I catching feels?  Yeah, I dunno. It's not a situationship either, whatever that is. We've known each other since middle school n r friends. Gone separate ways in life and somehow our paths have crossed again and we've spent some time both intentional and not together. I'm very proud of the man he's become and becoming and am relearning or getting to know the man-him as I've only known the young man-him from when we were younger. I'm learning a lot and am fascinated with every new discovery. I can't say I am filled with butterflies but I know I get giddy and am so nervous when I know I will see/meet him. It's funny too bc when I was younger-I was a mute and so shy when I was mad crushing on someone. Now that I'm older, I can't shut up. I think it's the awkward silence that I can't sit through so I fill it up with questions or rambling. At the same time, I just want to learn more about the amazing person in front of me. 

[luvlylisa]

Second day in 2026, Happy New Year folx!

I went home to spend time with the kiddos since my sidekick niece wanted me to be there. (I went home for Xmas and stayed two more days but came back to my place.) Unfortunately, they were sick in addition to their mom being sick. I made my sidekick some chix noodle soup while their dad made pho. It was a chill New Years. They were a little bummed we couldn't drive to see the fireworks but you could see them from the back deck-most of it at least. The kiddos didn't want me to leave on New Years Day but I had to come home.

Of course, now I'm home under the weather. Thankfully, not coughing but body sores and my head is throbbing! I feel a little better today. Just a little.

I applied for a new position but I didn't get it. I was so nervous going into it and when I got the notice about the interview, I was stupid and signed up to be the first one-figured I could just get it out of the way. I got some questions ahead of time and had to put together a presentation for one part. I did a noob thing and used a new platform to make my presentation and didn't think to save it on something else with my notes. I went in an hr earlier to the interview to only find that the site was down and was scrapping by to put whatever I could remember together. I was so flustered (I did share w the group I was completely thrown off and didn't have my presentation but would email it out later.) and it showed in my answers which made me go over by a lot! I am sure they gave me grace bc I was an internal candidate and some knew me. I was completely mortified, disappointed in myself, and embarrassed. I knew then and there that I lost the opportunity. Even more disappointed bc I know several who were rooting for me and highly suggested that I apply and get it. As in the world of education, let it be my learning experience. At least I still have a team and job I enjoy working with-so it's not a total loss.

Update on my mom, she's still in assisted living after her surgery on her ankle. She's been there for about three months-going on four. She's been in her boot for a month now or so and needing assistance walking as she can't walk on her own now. We were told recently she will be discharged to come home mid-Jan. So, that's a good thing. Although, she will need to not get into things and just nyob zoo zoo xwb.

The feels are still there but maybe I was hoping for something that wasn't possible. Nothing wrong with hopes...perhap s it's my sense of timing-it's always off when it comes to my luv life. Eh. Regardless of how things go, I'm still appreciative of the time spent together, the growth we are still able to make in one another, n the friendship that is still blooming.

2026 plans...I have been working no "letting things go" and really trying to find my peace in things. Thus, this year will be a year of me walking that path to peace and trying my best to maintain it, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I don't have to have all the shiny things in the world, a niche job or make a ton of money (I mean, some financial freedom from these student loans would really help though!), a huge house to live in or eat at high end restaurants. I know I can provide for myself and it really doesn't take too much and I'm very OK with that. If anything, I want to create memories for luved ones with whatever time I have and not focus on things that don't have purpose for me. I want to focus on what matters, what gives me positivity, and what will lift me instead of bringing me down, invoke negativity or pettiness or pain even. As we say at work, "we are doing the best with what we have" and "let's focus on the things we can control".

Happy 2026 y'all!