Fighting For My Life

[Jenlee9]

Today...I'm fighting off my laziness.  I'm trying to make eggrolls for my daughter to eat.  Somehow the rainy gloomy weather makes me feel like I need to cuddle up with another body before I can get the motivation I need to make the eggrolls.  Alas...when I'm empty handed...I am empty handed.  I will make make the eggrolls soon...just taking a my sweet time as I'm in no hurry.

Aw what a good father you are...I would just buy it for her if no one is going to help me make eggrolls...tak es too much time.

[Jenlee9]

LOL...I'm not thanking God for some of the things he put me through. Well the sarcastic thanks gawd. 

Like the bible says...."A time for everything".....there is a purpose in everything that happens to us.

[VillainousHero]

Like the bible says...."A time for everything".....there is a purpose in everything that happens to us.

In life...somethi ngs are not about what one does or what happens to one.  Sometimes it's not about how one does it or how it happens to one.  Most of all, it's why one does those things or why those things happens to one.

I look at the what and how...certainl y God appears cruel.  The why behind that...who knows.  The why...well looks like my integrity has been challenged to falter many times, but I never crossed the point of no return.  I wonder in the why...Did God graced me or simply still just testing me?  How many more tests?   A lifetime?

"A time for everything..."  except for me to live a normal life, unless normalcy for me is always fighting for my life.

[Jenlee9]

In life...somethi ngs are not about what one does or what happens to one.  Sometimes it's not about how one does it or how it happens to one.  Most of all, it's why one does those things or why those things happens to one.

I look at the what and how...certainl y God appears cruel.  The why behind that...who knows.  The why...well looks like my integrity has been challenged to falter many times, but I never crossed the point of no return.  I wonder in the why...Did God graced me or simply still just testing me?  How many more tests?   A lifetime?

"A time for everything..."  except for me to live a normal life, unless normalcy for me is always fighting for my life.

I guess I will never know how it feels to be you, but only try to understand all the things that you've been through. If Fighting for your life gives you a purpose to live then keep doing it.

Normalcy comes in many form. unless you are searching for the American dreams, then your normalcy will never be like those of others. Normal is what you make it normal.

Sorry I will stop with my opinion now.

[VillainousHero]

I feel like the guy that God put him through all sorts of pain and torture...and he never once waiver or stray away from his faith in God.  Except that's just a story in the bible and he was rewarded afterwards with big family and all.

Normalcy for me growing up...is fighting at the bus stop...fightin g on the bus...fighting in the hallway...figh ting in the classroom...fi ghting in lunch line...fightin g at the lunch table...fighti ng in the hallway...figh ting on the playground...f ighting on the school bus to home...and then sometimes fighting after getting off the school bus.   Now this stuff happens like 2-4 times in a week.  Not a single adult/teacher or anyone has ever once stepped in and tell these bullies to leave me alone.  These are all real fights...you bleed...clothe s ripped...they bleed...they do get hurt as well.  Then you add Sunday church to that....you fight before class, sometimes you fight in class, most of the time you fight after class.  Except at church, I was 10-12 years old and my opponents were a bunch of 16-18 years old.  Not one, but a bunch of at least three to six of them at once.  At anyone time...any of these people could've been dead...yes, I've sent my fair share of people straight to the ER.  All I was doing was straight up defense.

If you can imagine the most roughest toughest person in the world...I'll be standing toe to toe with that person.  You've seen some of your Kung fu and Hollywood Action movies...tone the special effects down and that was me in real life.  Not gonna even talk much about the military except some 6'3" 190 lbs dude threw me to the ground after tackling me for a simple training exercise, I got back up and lifted him up with one arm and that's when a bunch of people stopped it.  Why, they didn't want their big dude to lose face, and I've seen the look in his eyes....fear and respect.

[Jenlee9]

Wow. I've only heard stories of, but never known anyone. Thanks for sharing your story. Stand strong through all this. You still have a long life to live.

[VillainousHero]

As a child I most certainly thought all of that was normal.  The constant people bullying me and picking fights with me.  I was also the smallest child among my peers growing up and that most certainly didn't help.  You can say the 70's, 80's, 90's....weren't so equal in mind.  Still a lot of racist hatred and xenophobic hatred.

As a teenager to college student, when you go out and there's trouble...I see most people just freeze or start running away.  I seen my shares of fights up close happening right in front of me.  At the young adult age, I am much more cautious, since if I wanted to jump in a help someone getting beat up, I have to wonder if my friends would be able to do the same.  Unfortunately from my experience, not a single person has that sort of guts or resolve.  Furthermore, if one is not a white guy, it's certainly one would go to jail.  I've seen my share of PIGS.  Yeah, they were like 30 feet away and it still took them over 5 minutes to show up to the fight scene.  By that time the thugs have ran away, not once did they asked anyone who witness it to step forward. 

I've been pulled over many times for no reason...they make me wait 10-20 minutes...some times here's a ticket you've got a light out, the last one here's a ticket, you've got a crack in your windshield.  We live in MN, cold winter, you can get cracks in windshield.  The worst of all, some bus driver happened to be Hmong, claimed I was speeding...wow ...no witnesses and I still got a ticket in the mail.  Really!  Do people just do these bad things to me or does God intend these bad things to happen to me?

 

I'm sure if God keeps testing me in this manner...one of these days...I will fail his test.  I'm only human, with emotions and basic instincts of fight or flight.  I know I will fight if I'm backed into a corner...it's biological instinct for survival. 
 

[VillainousHero]

The situation is delicate and it is exactly the opposite...bec ause I've have such perceptions to view of the beauty of the world.  I have been easily taken advantage of.  I have been so gullible to believe anyone about everything.  Through ignorance repeated over many times, I've been told so many times to, "Open your eyes and see the world for what it really is."  Foolishly I'm still believing in my heart to see the beauties of the world.

People do bad things to others because they are bad people who will do it to someone.  Sure most people do not humble themselves to such situations to admit being abused, persecuted, and victimized by society.  It's not as if the world owes them something and they deserve special treatment for that.  I can retell it just the way it is.  Why would anyone want to beat up someone just because they lost in a game?  If my ignorance of not knowing they were the champ was gonna get me a thrashing, well they no longer hold that title afterwards do they.  Sometimes one can't get any respect until some of these things happens.

I choose integrity as one of my asset.  It is through integrity that nothing but the truth is up front and nothing about me is in pretense.  If such truths about being abused, persecuted, and victimized to accompanied being chivalrous, kind-hearted, and compassionate are gonna be turn offs then I will gladly accept those as my integrity pervades.  I have my likes and dislikes in the opposite gender.  I have high tolerances for some things and no tolerance for other things.

Perhaps someday I could write a romance saga to my life...but tragedy, satire, and irony is all about the only literary content that makes this an unfinished epic in it's own right.  I strive to finish that epic by living it with integrity.  If it turns out to be a saga of tragedy only, then maybe it was meant to be that way.

[VillainousHero]

When I started this journal...my intention was more of a reflection on the past.  Somehow it just seems like the journal became one of current events as well.

It's more about...findin g inner strength to move forward despite how cruel the world may appear.  Seeing beauty where no other will look.

[proudlao]

I know that all too well VH. The very core strength is within yourself, your children, and your belief. Trust in yourself, believe in your worthiness and have a sole purpose. I promise you, you are not alone in the matter, there are people out there whose going through it as well. When you are ready to let go, reinvent and start your life. You will find that life is truly beautiful and the food will once again taste better, music will speak to you softer, and the laughter will get louder. And every minute of your life will seem pleasant.

Anything beyond that is how you cope and recover, it's what you do with yourself and life that really matter. Not what they make you feel like.

[VillainousHero]

I know that all too well VH. The very core strength is within yourself, your children, and your belief. Trust in yourself, believe in your worthiness and have a sole purpose. I promise you, you are not alone in the matter, there are people out there whose going through it as well. When you are ready to let go, reinvent and start your life. You will find that life is truly beautiful and the food will once again taste better, music will speak to you softer, and the laughter will get louder. And every minute of your life will seem pleasant.

Anything beyond that is how you cope and recover, it's what you do with yourself and life that really matter. Not what they make you feel like.

Thank you.  I know better days will come.  It's not going to come because today I decide upon it.  It will come of it's own design, whether that will be days from now, months from now, or even years from now, better days will come.

[proudlao]

I know it will come. And I wish you the very best man. If you ever need a friend, I am here.

[VillainousHero]

So much for trying to get the lawn mower to work...Being sick and all doesn't help me get things done any faster.  So now the stores are closed and they gave me the wrong battery...I'm screwed...unti l Tuesday when they're open again.  Think people help you...yeah...s crew you over yet again.

Oh well I have other things that will be needing to take care of.  My health, rest and recovery.

[VillainousHero]

Mowing the lawn is such a problem...escp ecially when the neighbor decides to just put up a fence, so now I can't mow in between the trees and the fence.  Plus it's on the hills side, pretty steep hill too.  Further to complicate it, the ground is always so soft on that side...sand underneath there.

So today mowing, the riding lawn mower slide on the soft sand and is now pinched between the fence and tree.  I had to try to move the lawn mower by hand.   Well soft sand...only 500 lbs or so lawn mower, with no handle grips to move it.  Gosh what a wast of half an hour.  I barely moved the lawn mower inch by inch, but the soft sand well, made all that effort naught.  So I had to put the riding lawn mower in neutral, push it up kind of on it's side and now it rolls down the hills.  CRAAP!!!

The things almost crashed, as I'm grabbing onto it and braking with my fee...on soft sand dirt.  I hate how difficult the neighbor has done this.  All because he had a super crappy lawn...and now it's all been sodded with new turf and fenced all up, it makes for my mowing, twice the difficulty that It should be.  He should've just cut down the trees that ran on the border between both our property, but he only got them trimmed to like dangerous sticks and tree top canopy.  So now those tree top branches breaks and are hanging downwards.  Too high for me to do anything about it and his fence is in the way, so it needs professional tree cutters to come in to take care of it.  Nothing but big waste of money.

No I did not enjoy fighting my riding lawn mower today at all.  It left me with a few scratches and painful hands.

[VillainousHero]

Villa,

Happy Father's Day!! Hope your kids made you breakfast in bed. Lol

LOL. Thanks.  I'm sleeping in.