I'm feeling more and more disconneted with this world.
Seems like time flows differently. One moment I'm in the future, and yet I'm pulled back to the present. I have no control of what will happen next. The glimps of the future was an accidental fake. It didn't happen like that at all. The timeline did change. No one can predict the future. It's not even an oracle. It's just a mirage of probablity chance. Yet often an undesireable won. It's not about fortune nor misfortune. It's just random. No more than just another random thought. Yet this erie feeling of disconnection lingers.
If in the present, that disconnection feeling jolts at me. The awe sense of delay and yet it's not. The feeling of being puppetteered by another force. Yet this body has always been mine. Yet it's just a hollowness of a living breathing object. Is my soul searching for something else. Preparing itself for it's next life elsewhere? Is this part of the cycle of reincarnation? Is there truly such a thing? Or is the rapture coming? The ultimate source coming to reclaim it's seeds?
Or is it on a smaller scale like the planet itself communicating and expressing it's core life threads? Pulling away at me. Calling me back to it's source, mother planet of life? A single drop of amino acids. A single strand of DNA. A hint of RNA. Some kind of nucleic vibration of a liquid. Something from so small destined to be part of something much grander than imagineable. Why this husk of a body is beginning to fail. The cellular damages are multiplying. There's only so much timie left of this mortal world.
I wonder if other people, old people have gone through this? Or perhaps just my sensitivity to the flow of energy, the flow of life force. A true Hmong shaman should be able to at least detect this or me. Yet too many fakes are there, with their hocus pocus mind drugs. A lost art I guess destined to remain lost. Thus probably a future portrayal of my fight against destiny. Not a fight but still a fight just to bend fate, even if just a little sway of a divergence.
