i think you meant the "milk/food" fee...or "nqi mig nqi no".....however, the correct term would be "cow" fee. the "dowry" fee would be "khoom phij cuam," particularly "lub ncauj tsiag"...aka "nyuj phij tsab neeg phij cuam" given from the bride's parents to the groom. in weddings, we don't refer to the fee as anything other than "cow." the reason is...in china, no money was used, instead, cows were used, this is why we dont' say "money," instead, we say "cow" (cow/oxens/chickens are very sacred animals--and valuable--to the mong).
in essence, i do not think you are fully awared of how the these "fees" play the lives of the groom/bride. it is ok to get rid of it...but keep in mind that a wedding also involves a funeral. wedding also unites two clans through the bonding of gift exchange. if no cows were exchanged, "qab hluas niam txiv tsi tuav lawm.." meaning that the "relationship" will not be there anymore....whi
ch also leads to "no promises" of unity between two clans..which also leads to "no niam txiv dab, no cuag, no xov txiv dab etc.." during the bride/groom's death....which MEANS, AT THE FUNERAL OF BRIDE/GROOM, NO ONE WILL BE THERE TO HELP OUT...only the bride/groom and maybe cuab tsav....
in actuality, the groom doesn't loose anything DURING A MONG WEDDING ...and here is why....during a mong wedding, the items exchanged are:
1. a cow (bride fee...given from groom fee to bride's parents) for the bride...but in return, the groom gets another cow (ncauj tsiag) and the bride
2. arrows are exchanged (we dont' practice this anymore)...this arrow is the same arrow used to summon "niam txiv dab" upon death of bride/groom
3. diav, ntsev, tsoj, cawv...chicken
s...
4. MOST IMPORTANTLY...
.A DAUGHTER IS PROMISED TO THE TXIV DAB (HIS SON) ONCE THE BRIDE/GROOM HAD THEIR KIDS....TO FURTHER STRENGTHEN THEir UNITY...IN OTHER WORD...A PROMISE TO EXCHANGE FURTHER DAUGTHERS...
in my opinion....we should not get rid of the bride price...instea
d we should lower it....there has to be a bride price for both weddings and funerals to exist...so if we can't pay a cow...why not pay a chicken (less money). this is the only way to keep the tradition alive.
on the other issue regarding the groom not able to pay for a bride price...any groom who is not able to pay for bride price should not get married....it will only cause headaches for themselves and for their parents. they will end up getting a divorce which will destroy the relationship between the two clans because of the groom's unmanly life. any man should be able to pay 10k for a wife (the wife is worth billions people...she is the source of life for you and your future....! i'm sure if you are man enough, you could come up with 10k!!!!!!!!!!!). i fyou can't pay for your wife, then don't get married....and any bride who marries a LOOOOOOOOOOSER who can't pay fo rhis wife is also a LOOOOOOOOOOOSE
R......SO GET THIS THROUGH YORU HEAD PEOPLE....neve
r mind the love, the affection...ne
ver mind your feelings..."KUV HLUB HLUB NWG LI, KU VYAUV YUAV NWS XWB, tsi muaj nyiaj los its ok"
....this is your life people...not your fantasies....
advice for women: if your bf can't pay for you, dont' marry him...he will be a looser all his life...it could be that he is young and has no money yet...BUT HELLO...IT IS PEOPLE LIKE THIS WHO AR EMAKING STUPID DECISIONS ALL THE TIME...AND AT THE WRONG TIME...WITH FANTASY LALALAND THOUGHTS....a woman should outgrow her "blind love" by accepting that any man who can't pay for her is a looser and/or has no respect at all for traditions...O
R HIS IS A LOST SOUL WITH NO SENSE OF RESPONSIBLITY.
...DITCH HIM LADIES....HE WILL BE A BAD PROVIDER FOR YOU, you will suffer because he would only rely on others to help out....YOU WILL HAVE HEADACHES THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE if you marry such a man.
advice for men: know yourself, know your responsibility
...if you canpt pay ....PLEASE WORK YOUR ASS OFF AND GET THE MONEY TO PAY FOR YOUR WIFE BEFORE YORU WEDDING (remember...you
r wilfe is worth billions...and you only have to pay 10k...ITS THE BEST DEAL OF YOUR LIFETIME!!!!).......if you can't pay, hold off the marriage....DO
NT' RELY ON YOUR PARENTS...THEY ARE OLD AND FEEBLE...YOU ARE YOUR OWN MAN, TO YOURSELF, YOUR WIFE, AND YOUR PARENTS...BE RESPONSIBLE AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY AS A MAN.
yaweh