Most of the times a lot of us go through life without a clue as to how to deal with relationships, problems that arise. We sort of just put on our helmets and push forward without our suits on. We can protect our heads but what about our bodies, what about our hearts? Bullets and swords can come at us from all sides and pierce right through us.
That’s how I have been feeling lately. Like, I think I’ve made the best informed decisions, I think I’ve gotten everything straight in my head of the picture, of the future I want... and I think I’m on the right path of thinking and doing but it’s always a shock to me (WHY?) when something unexpected happens and it hits me right in my butt, or right in my heart. WTF. So, I turn around and give out his exasperated “WTF” sigh. And I’m back to second-guessing my “smart” and “informed” decisions.
I’ve learned that life is never what it seems. It may seem all so clear in one moment but the next you’re left inside a puzzle, as confused as ever with all sorts of mazes to run through and hoops to jump... going around and around in a never ending cycle.
And I could be as enlightened as day, light-bulbs would go off like crazy, and I’m saying “ah-hah!, ah-hah!” but again and again that “ah-hah!” turns to “sh*t, this isn’t going the way I expected.”
There is a saying that “time heals all wounds”... and I’m beginning to think this is my situation. Only, time is not on my side and I don’t want to have to wait. And it’s why I’m here, right here right now... without a clue.
