Bars and Club After Marriage?

[theking]

The place doesn't matter but the person does. If your spouse wants to cheat on you, it can happen anywhere even at a church...

In the OP's situation, her husband is cool with it so there's nothing wrong with that. I rather have a wife that's honest with me than one that lies to me so she can do things behind my back..

[theking]

It's is not a matter of being insecure.  The wife wanting to do her own thing, in this case go clubbing, is already a sign of cracks in the marriage.  If she goes once in a while like during her friend's b-day, wedding anniversary, etc. and it's a one time thing, it may be fine.  The question then becomes, what if she goes on a regular basis, what then?

Nope, just depends on the person and his/her purpose..

In the OP's case, her husband doesn't want to go but gave her his blessings so that's actually better than cases where one spouse lies to the other so he/she can cheat. And again, it doesn't even have to be at a club..

[theking]

I bet this wife wasn't honest with her husband and what do you know, she didn't do the cheating at a club but at a high school.. :


"Married Teacher Who Allegedly Had Sexual Relations With 17-Year-Old Student Grins in Mugshot"

3/21/17



A married Texas teacher who allegedly had a sexual relationship with a student grinned in her mugshot after her arrest.

Sarah Fowlkes, 27, a former teacher of anatomy and physiology at Lockhart High School, was arrested on Monday for her alleged contact  with a 17-year-old student.

[can]

My question to you married folks out there who still goes clubbing...is this: where do you draw the line?  When a guy flirts with you, are you prepared to brush them off?  If a guy buys you a drink, you take it?  If a guy ask to to dance, are you ok with it because it's only dancing? If a guy volunteers to give you a ride home, are you ok with that?  Where do you draw the line...?

you know that flirting happens in other places besides the club right?  so many immature hmong boys in here who don't know about human interactions.

[Darksyde]

Long story short I grew up in a pretty traditional family.
I was never allowed to go out late, sleep over at friends or relatives.  No piercings, no tattoos and crazy colored hair was out of the picture. 
So obviously growing up and reaching my early 20's I never drank, partied hard or did any substances of any sort.  Never even experienced what a club was until I was 21. 

Now from my early 20's reaching to my mid 20's I occasionally will go out with friends to the bars or clubs.

Yes I am married; I never take my ring off.  I make it clear I am married when men approach me and my Husband always knows where I am at and whom I am with.

He's doesn't drink and does not like to club and go to the bars.

One time I ran into his buddy, of course I said "Hi." 
They always ask where my Husband is and I always give the same response "He's at home, bars and clubbing is not his scene." 
Don't get me wrong I don't go out every weekend, but when I do it's always just the girls and there are a few that are indeed married.

Anyways fast forward, my Husband picked me up one night after I was out with my friends and we went out for some late night food and ran into his same buddy.  His buddy's response was "Dang, you are one loyal guy, I keep running into your wife and I don't see you ever."

Which I assume is apparently a lot when we have only ran into each other twice and both times my Husband was aware of where and when I was. 

I wanted to so badly speak my mind and say "Excuse me?  Are you saying I am un-loyal because I am seen without him? And I am sorry you apparently have never heard of something called trust."

But I bit my tongue and did not say a thing.

Was I overthinking or not?
My Husband and I have talked over this matter before and he allows me to go out and hang out with friends.  I always ask him if it bothers him that I go to the clubs or bars once in a while and he says no cause he trust me.  But I can’t help but also feel bad.  I have never cheated or done anything wrong.  After a night of going out I always tell him how it went and if men approached me I tell him what happened and how I handled it.  I tell him just because we share everything.   

Was it wrong of me to be upset his friend said that?

Perception is reality. You can't deny his nor can he deny yours. So what are you mad about? If you're concerned about his perception of you that much then change; otherwise who cares. Just my thoughts.

[thePoster]

Nope I have not been told that and no worries, I am staying away from the bars and clubs for a while now

Why!?!?!?

You know whats funnie..i was sitting with some guys and they was talking..

And the one guy who was married..he said "thats where I messed up when I got married, I stopped going out"...


So yeah, he was married and he no he needa still go to clubs...  why?  You still need an outlet for whatever reasons.  But the guy still really love his wife.  Then all the guys started talking about the clubs.


Im not really a club or bar guy myself.  I definately feel out of my element but sometimes I do go just to listen to music, its just the whole experience and ambience of it all.

Theres nothing wrong going to the club married or not with your s/o or just by yourself.

We all heard it before, live your life the way you want too.

You might just need to lighten up a bit on yourself and be a bit more carefree and let things roll off your shoulders a bit more easily so you arent so upset and offended.  If you do that! Youll definately be happier.

[thePoster]

But!  I will re-iterate what I said earlier..

The more you go out, the more chances you'll inadvertedly run into someone who makes you go hmmmm...


You may end up having a conversation with some random guy and be like..  "wow, i really like this guy, he really fit the bill!"... or think.."if I wasnt married..."

Though those are innocent thoughts and harmless..

Its not good to wonder about what ifs...

[bloggersdigest]

Don't worry, you'll run into those lines soon enough.  Staying away from clubs is a good plan.  If you can keep away, your marriage will last longer.   

I suppose so, but my point was what is so bad about a married woman going clubbing for occasional events with her friends when she's being honest and truthful about it.  I don't go there acting like I am single.  I always ask for him to go along, but he rather not.  It's not like I go all the time.  The only time I ever go is if a friend is celebrating something and that is where they so happen to pick.. I am not about to be those girls who's like oh sorry I can't come because my husband says "no."  because that is not how our relationship is.  We build it on trust, yes it took a while to get there, but it's like I don't want to control what he can and can't do and vice versa.  I can to also see where you are coming from...  But I am not the norm where oh, if you are married you can't go anywhere without your husband, you must go to work and come home... etc.

[bloggersdigest]

yawns... like nkaujsee said... live your life... no marriage is perfect... just don't give his friend(s) any satisfaction of second guessing your love and loyalty to your husband... a lot like how many male phers on here are second guessing you as a person... best of luck to u...

Ugh for real... But yes, thanks I will keep that in mind

[bloggersdigest]

Different people manage things differently. As for myself and my previous night owl exp, it would be wiser if i do not go.  Since i am not going, it is also unwise to ruin other people's parade.  Im clubbed out n she haven't so let the lad goes out with her own crew since they haven't had enough.  Plus, i dont want a chick who has no hobby and is clingy to me 24/7.  Someone has to babysit her because i surely needed that break as well. 

Well the issue regarding truth n faithfulness, i give people enough leash to eventually they hang themselves.

 

[bloggersdigest]

As long as you and your husband are OK with that set up, don't worry about "buddy"  primitive caveman wrong assumption..

Thanks!

[bloggersdigest]

Then you won't be hooked too easily. But do you drink other kinds?

Yes, I am a clear drinker
But Reds and Angry Orchards over beer anyday

[UAKOJ]

I suppose so, but my point was what is so bad about a married woman going clubbing for occasional events with her friends when she's being honest and truthful about it.  I don't go there acting like I am single.  I always ask for him to go along, but he rather not.  It's not like I go all the time.  The only time I ever go is if a friend is celebrating something and that is where they so happen to pick.. I am not about to be those girls who's like oh sorry I can't come because my husband says "no."  because that is not how our relationship is.  We build it on trust, yes it took a while to get there, but it's like I don't want to control what he can and can't do and vice versa.  I can to also see where you are coming from...  But I am not the norm where oh, if you are married you can't go anywhere without your husband, you must go to work and come home... etc.

As long as koj happy xwb tsis K what others haib, k. Mloog lawv hais ntau, koj yuas confused.   

Again, where is this club you're so secretive telling me?

[bloggersdigest]

Just some true stories to share:

I've seen a few friend' wife at bar, club, or other events without their husband and the wives have moved on to other people now. There was even a time when many Hmong wives were at the bar to find Ds that were not Hmong. Hmong Ds can be traced back to the community which eventually will lead back to the husband. 

We can have the best of trust but in the end, we're only human. Anything is possible. 

I suppose so, no worries.
My Husband and I talked about this situation last night and I told him I would rather him going with me and he understood and will try to come out with me just as I got out with him when he goes out with his friends to shows and or days they are fixing up their cars as much as I don't want to go.

[bloggersdigest]

My question to you married folks out there who still goes clubbing...is this: where do you draw the line?  When a guy flirts with you, are you prepared to brush them off?  If a guy buys you a drink, you take it?  If a guy ask to to dance, are you ok with it because it's only dancing? If a guy volunteers to give you a ride home, are you ok with that?  Where do you draw the line...?

He knows very well where I draw the line and I tell him of it too and every encounter.
If a guy were to approach me I am not stuck up and b*tchy about it.  I will say hi and if he asks for my name I would say so..
Usually it gets to somewhere like oh are you from around here which I will polite and answer but it usually leads to can I buy you a drink and if my single friends are here I will say oh I am good actually, I am married but you can talk to my friend over there.

Or if its bad enough where guys are just rude then I just flash my ring and move along.
As to guys trying to dance, there is literally no way for them to cause when my friends and I are dancing we dance in a huge clump/pack so we all fend for one another's safety