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Author Topic: Rebirth  (Read 1701 times)

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Offline jennamt

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Rebirth
« on: September 08, 2020, 05:07:34 PM »
This morning as I walked to my mailbox with my outgoing mail, I spied a red cardinal picking at something on the road. The beautiful color of the bird contrasted perfectly against the green bushes in the background. The weather has cooled down considerably but I'm ready for Fall - it's my favorite season. I can't wait to take out my sweaters, leggings, and scarves. There has been light rain showers all morning, creating a gloomy yet dreamy atmosphere with a lingering scent of morning dew. It would have been perfect to sleep in, if I wasn't working today.

I've had many years of telecommuting and working from home. The years prior to this, I admit that I struggled a lot because a lot of my colleagues and relatives didn't understand how overwhelming it could be. Yes, it was convenient but you have to be proactive. This year, I find that the people around me are now having to juggle work and life. Everyone seems much more lenient and laid back and understanding. I now just clock in and clock out and forget about work after 8 hours.

This year, with the pandemic taking over everything, I've been hit with a strong case of wanderlust and wondering when I'll get to travel again. It feels like it's been so long. And when I do, how different will travel be now? Will we all be secret K-pop idols? I push this wayward thought out of my mind as this isn't possible at the moment. I can only console myself by living vicariously through Youtube. I always joke that I seem to travel the most when I lack funds but as soon as I save a good nest egg, there are no opportunities. It's just ironic.

I've always have fragmented dreams. Last night, I dreamt about an old crush. I loved him for too much of my teen years, something that he was well aware of. In my dream, he finally returned my feelings. I woke up feeling great sadness. I mourned for the young woman I used to be, who gave so much for a young man who didn't deserve it. He used me to boost his ego and I was too innocent then to realized it. I've moved on a long time ago but a death of a mutual friend made me revisit my feelings for him. However, we're no longer the same. If I was to be reborn, I wouldn't waste my time, effort, feelings, and tears on him. I would tell myself that he never thought about me after all these years and this dream was all my wishful thinking.

I regret never getting to experience puppy love - the hand-holdings, shy pecks, love letters, sweet phone calls, and monthly anniversary celebrations. Most relationships after your teens become mature much quicker. Although I wish for that kind of love, I only wish for the memories of them. I wouldn't wish for them now that I am much older. Time becomes a luxury.

I titled this rebirth because I've been away from PH for many years and have returned.



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Offline jennamt

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Re: Rebirth
« Reply #1 on: September 10, 2020, 11:00:56 AM »
I started my morning with a hot bath, signalling the start of my cold-weather routine. This followed by a warm cup of Vietnamese coffee (which in the past I used to take either iced or lukewarm) before I could officially start my day. Now I'm bundled up with a blanket smelling like melons (my bath bomb was this scent) and responding to emails on my laptop. I don't have much planned for today. I just need to extract (aka steal) some videos for my boss, send some emails, and generate some reports. Luckily there aren't any video conference calls on the schedule, otherwise, my colleagues would see what a mess I am today as I am sans makeup.

I had a busy, highly productive day yesterday. I made pho which was just perfect for this kind of weather. What I like about making pho is that it doesn't take a lot of effort. Time? Yes. But I'm not opening a pho restaurant where the quality needs to be top-notch. I also had a few house chores that needed to be taken care of (hello, trash day). My workday was littered with debugging issues and reporting. I had a video interview for a freelance gig that I'm hoping to get. The process is very straightforwar d and something I've done for many years so I'm hoping it'll be easy money on top of my full-time job.

I also talked to my father on the phone and I'm still amazed even after 30+ years that I can hold a full-on conversation with him in English. A lot of my friends' parents don't speak English so when I speak with my parents on the phone, they think I'm talking to another friend. I miss my parents. They're so zany and fun! I didn't think so when I was a teenager but I do so now. He was catching me up with what he and my mother have been up to (both are working remotely and fishing whenever they can). I only have one sibling left at home and she's going to school online. Which actually works well for her as she's introverted, a complete opposite of my super extroverted parents. Now that I think of it, did any of my siblings or I inherit our parents' social butterfly tendencies?



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