I once had a friend. Everyone knew us as best friends. The truth however, we were only friends because we were next door neighbors, we were both the kids who stand behind a wall, saying nothing or not much at all during lunch at school. LOL What many would term the "losers".
I always had a bad vibe about the guy, but this was during the time Hmong gangs were prevalent. I was a young kid, desperate for friends, but didn't know how to make new friends, or people I grew up with, were too "gangsta" to be friends with me now. I learned very early on to be self reliant, value inner validation instead, and learned to be alone and embrace solitude.
For this former friend, I went out of my way for countless of times, when he needs a haircut, I would even drive over to his place to give a hair cut. (mainly because he knew my family didn't like him much, they also felt the sketchiness) haha I paid for gas everytime we go somewhere, fishing, shopping for clothes. The girls that liked me, or I liked, he would say things like "I liked her too" and it wasn't in a teaseful way, but like more in a envious unmindful way.
One night, he called me, said his g-f just broke up with him. He's by the river, thinking about taking his own life. I drove to the marina where he was at. I thought, bro, this place is sketchy as fuke, how you gonna make me drive all the way here in the middle of the night...I got there, he was drinking a beer and having a smoke. I thought, you appear to look fine. But I played it off, play the part of a empathetic friend, genuinely concern for his safety. Eventhough, I knew, he was okay...
Our mutual friends didn't like the guy very much either. They only talk to him because of me. LOL And when they do talk, it's always about who's right, who's wrong, who's smarter. etc..Or at least he's all about that...And they were merely defending themselves, to be honest.
One day, I was just surfing the internet, and came upon a interesting article. It was more like a theorize theme article. Where it mentions, sometimes your potential is restricted by those closest to you. How people get along in the physical dimension, but not in the spritual reality. I thought, hmmm...
I slowly withdrew away from the fake friendship we had. All those times, my instincts were right. This guy was never happy for me, always jealous. He never wanted to see me succeed, as many humans are...
One night, we finally got into a heated argument. I never been so angry in my life. All those years of bottling up just exploded..haha It all started when we both applied for a job. I got hired, but he didn't. So he was jealous, mind you, this was a low paying job, horrible working conditions...L
OL He told me, not to take the job. I said, I got to, my mother is worry sick of me...His suggestion was, let's try another place...Eventu
ally, between my mother and him, I had to go with my mother...hahah
a He then had the audacity to tell me "we don't need to be friends anymore then"...and that's when the fists and kicks started flying...LOL
10 years later, we forgiven each other. I thought okay, maybe people really can change...He calls me out of the blue one day. We caught up with life, etc....said our sorries, and even planned a fishing trip the next weekend.
For a while, it seem like we can finally put the past to rest, and begin our friendship correctly....W
ell, months goes by, and I start to see the same cracks I use to see in him...same mind games, deceptions. Always jealous, never happy, always fighting against never together...hah
ah
This gave me the realization, that okay, maybe this guy isn't deliberately being fuke up, but he doesn't even realize he's fuke up.....if people ever change, they only change back to their true colors...
The last time we spoke, I told him "it's nothing to do with the past, but more for the future. We're just not the same people no more, we can say whassup when we see each other, but in order for you to reach your goals and me to reach mines, we gotta support each other, not compete with each other".....Man to Man, I straighted it up like that to him..He took a puff of smoke, and deliberately blew it in my direction, and walk away with his head down.
As he walked away, I called his name. He turned around, and I look squared in his eyes, and said, all the best to you. He didn't wish me the same, as expected.
Long story short....He took his own life........I felt horrible, but his older brother, who is completely different from him, console and assured me. he said " I know you did all you could to save him, we all did".........
The truth is, some people are born into karmic debt. This usually means, they did something horrible in a past life.......We all have karmic debts to some degree...But some are far more heavier than others...
Another chance at life, is another chance of redeeming oneself....Onl
y those who accept the consequences, work to redeem themselves, can be save. The Heavens will give these souls as many tries as they like, until they get it all right.....haha
hah
Topic: The Not so private Diary of JonniJacco (Read 28549 times)