I say forget Hmong elders typical line of "have a long heart and go back...."

[theking]

...when dealing with narcissists...

You May Be A Target Of ‘Narcissistic Hoovering’ Without Realizing. Here’s What It Is — And Why It’s So Hard To Resist.
Though it often appears in romantic relationships, this behavior can surface in family dynamics and friendships as well
Have you ever wondered how narcissists continue to have a circle of loved ones or a long-term partner who continues to go back to them again and again?

No, it’s not their larger-than-life personality or grandiose sense of self. Instead, it’s because of “narcissistic hoovering,” which is a manipulation tactic that draws people back into their orbit. The name “hoovering” comes from the vacuum cleaner brand Hoover, said Rachna Buxani, a licensed mental health counselor and author of “Unseen: A Therapist’s Reflection on a Daughter’s Journey Through a Narcissistic Father’s Shadow.”

Hoovering happens when a narcissist tries to get a former romantic partner, a family member or even a friend to come back into their life after a breakup or falling out, said Wendy T. Behary, the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and author of “Disarming the Narcissist.”

“It’s almost like sucking somebody back into the relationship,” Buxani said — hence the term “hoovering.” They’ll try to achieve this in many ways, such as by being charming, apologizing for past behaviors and making big promises.

“There’s this seeming sense of ownership ... the hoovering or coercive behavior is more manipulative. It’s more of a strategy or a tactic or a scheme to try to get somebody to come back,” Behary said.

Hoovering is often motivated by revenge, not a true desire to have the person back in their life, Behary added, which is how this differs from the “win you back” dynamic that can happen in many healthy romantic relationships. Instead, hoovering is driven by a need for control and to be in charge. The behavior can also be driven by a want for connection.

“Some narcissists will come to realize that this partner that they just squandered was the best thing that ever happened to them, and so they’ll do all kinds of begging and pleading and promises of behavioral change and all of that,” Behary explained.

But most often, it’s a control issue.

“Because narcissism is a lot about relationship control,” Buxani said.

Hoovering protects a narcissist from feeling their deep insecurity within.

Hoovering is also a way for narcissists to fuel their “narcissistic supply,” according to Buxani, which is “any kind of attention.” This could be the good attention in a relationship, such as someone telling their partner they look good, or the bad attention, like bickering and fights.

[JonniJacko]

Unfortunately, 90% of humans are narcissts base on my personal experience...L OL

[Dok_Champa]

I would never advocate for a man or woman to stay in an abused relationship but if you have a good man/ woman with one or two or three not so good traits but not extreme … ua siab ntev can work. No one is perfect. There’s no such thing as grass greener on the other side… different people different problems, yes!

[theking]

There’s no such thing as grass greener on the other side… different people different problems, yes!

There is. For my mom, the side of the grass where she doesn't get beat up, is definitely greener!