It's been awhile since I've written in here.
Lately, I've been thinking about myself. What happened to me? Sometimes, I don't know myself anymore. Then I find myself again. This is weird. I thought about my mother. Then came my grandmother.
My grandmother was the only daughter. My mother was the only daughter. I am the only daughter. A little crazy, I guess.
I’ve been drowning myself in all these thoughts about myself. How am I like? Could I ever uphold myself to be a good person like my mother and grandmother? I’ve always gotten annoy at the way my mother lectures me as I was growing up. Now, I am finding myself thinking more and more like her.
She tells me,” yus zoo los ntawv yus tus txiv.”
I question, “yog vim li cas, peb cov pojniam txawm zoo npaum li cas los tsis muaj leej twg khes li?”
She says, “ib puas tsam yam yog tus pojniam ntsim, tus txiv neeg tsua yog muab lub tseg muag los sawv ua yus lub cev.”
I mentioned, “es yog li ko xwb ces ,tsis yuav txiv li os, vim twb tsis yog kev hlub nes…”
She says, “yog koj hlub koj tus kheej, ces yog koj hlub koj tus txiv. Li ntawv ces twb yog kev sis hlub lawm los mas.”
I got confused, “kuv tsis nkag siab li…”
She says, “Yog koj ua tau ib tug pojniam zoo thiab coj tau zoo, ces koj tus txiv yuav zoo tuaj xwb. Nws zoo los yog vim koj, koj zoo los yog vim nws. Ob leeg uake zoo, ces yog kev sis hlub. Txoj kev hlub no nws tob tob, yeej tsis muaj leeg twg yuav qhia tau li.”
All the while…this is all in my crazy head and I have become a weirdo talking to myself.