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Author Topic: letitbenonmundane  (Read 67721 times)

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Online Visualmon

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #210 on: April 26, 2021, 10:56:18 PM »
 ??? ???



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #211 on: May 15, 2021, 10:32:47 AM »
Sometimes things are sent to us not in the package that we imagined, but what's inside the package is what matters.  You make me happy and that's what I need.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #212 on: May 15, 2021, 10:35:34 AM »
Thank you for always making me laugh all the time, for all the awesome times.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #213 on: May 16, 2021, 07:43:02 PM »
The bonfire last night was so much fun.  You and I always have so much fun together!  I think you are always hilarious.  You are so free-spirited--it's quite amazing, really, how easy going you are.  I wish time stood still because you're so much fun to be around.  Anyway, I don't always know what goes on in your head.  Last night you were like, " You're my best friend, my wife."  I was like, "Whaattt?"  And you said, "We can make that happen, you know."  I feel I may have given you the impression that I'm not ready for marriage again... But I'm reconsidering.  I think it might work out.  You are good to me.  You're always so concerned when you think I might be upset with you.  I love that you are so in tuned to my feelings. I love that you fight for us.  I love that the most.  I've tried to create space but you only pull me closer to you.  I think that's how it is when a man loves a woman, right?  I've never been loved correctly by a man before so I'm very cautious and suspicious.  Which is why I do everything in relationships slowly.  It doesn't take much to spook me and make me recoil and say goodbye.  I love that you communicate well with me and fight for us always.  I love you, M.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #214 on: May 16, 2021, 08:34:45 PM »
Let me take that back.  I've been loved correctly by men in my past before.  Three other men loved me correctly before.  Two of those three proposed and I turned them down.  I broke all of their hearts.  Maybe I'm not destined for good men in my life or something, because I always break the hearts of the good ones.  I believe I would have been happy with any of those three.  They knew how to love women.  They cared about and loved me.  I loved them too.  I just wasn't ready to get married.  But I guess everything happens for a reason in life, right?  Maybe there's a higher reason unbeknownst to me why I said no to their proposals?  We'll never know.  I only know I wasn't ready to get married when they asked.  I'm sure they are the most amazing husbands to their wives now.  Makes me kinda jealous of their wives.  Just a little.  Lol.  Anyway, I don't want to make the same mistake with M.  He is such a good man.  He makes me feel loved.  And I love him back.  That's the main ingredient.  Equal love.  But I have learned that it takes more than Equal Love.  Lasting love needs Compromise, Communication, Respect, Trust, Loyalty.  Do we have it all?  Only time will tell.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #215 on: May 31, 2021, 12:26:53 PM »
We see so little of each other that when we do it's like discovering each other all over again.  I feel bad for him.  I told him it's OK for him to pursue someone else.  But he says he'd rather have an hour here and there with me than none at all.  I feel like I'm a disappointment as a mom and as a girlfriend.  Life could be better.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #217 on: June 17, 2021, 08:07:26 AM »
Compatibility Signs:
R - recreational intimacy
I - intellectual intimacy
S - spiritual intimacy
E - emotional intimacy
S - sexual intimacy

It is so rare to find someone who is compatible with you in all of these.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #218 on: June 17, 2021, 08:57:59 AM »
How is it possible that I can meet a mature adult who wants exactly the same things that I want in life and in love?  I don't even know.  You're like some unicorn.  What are the chances that you drop right smack on my lap and are all that I've asked for my whole life?  In my dreams for so long, I dreamed for you.  I used to have recurring dreams of a deep, genuine love, a type of love that takes your breath away, that completely consumes you.  A type of love where two people are completely and wholly, spiritually immersed in one another, as if you are them and they are you, where, in each other's eyes is burning desire and the whole universe.  Your world is just so unequivocally bliss and beautiful, even as everything around you is burning down, because as long as they next to you, holding your hand, smiling at you... nothing else really matters.  You came straight out of my dreams, my M.  I don't even have those dreams anymore because, you are not a dream, you are extremely real.  Thank you.  I love you so much.  I have been so empty for so long, pretty much my whole life, and I didn't think it would ever be possible for me to feel this way: to adore and love someone so deeply and genuinely, and to be loved and adored the same way in return.  Thank you, M, for all that you are.  Thank you for making it possible for me to feel this way.  Every day is worthwhile because of my kids, and because of you.  Other songs are able to express my endearing feelings for you... but this one in its meaning, pitch, modulation, and passion, best describes my passion and affection for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uNGguudoLVs



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #219 on: June 17, 2021, 09:57:03 AM »
I am not embarrassed for this admission.  “It’s true that, people, I’ve been sad.”  “I’ve been gone, I’ve been missing out…Been missing out for too long, forsaking things for too long.”  Forsaking things like, happiness and other things in life that I deserve.  My life, in a word, has been forlorn.  Pitiful.  Sad.  Hopeless.  Lonely.  Depressed.  Merciless.  Woeful.  Unfulfilled.  How much my heart has hurt.  How I've mourned for the difficult life I've led.  How much I yearned for that better half human warmth.  Which is why, I feel so incredibly blessed, so lucky... since the day that M came into my life.  His cheery disposition and the sun he's shined on me stands in stark contrast to what my life was before.  His presence is felt in such a wonderfully sweet, pronounced, and intense way.  Where there was once a sense of looming doom and a never ending darkness, I finally see something bright up ahead on my path.  There is such an exquisite gentleness in how his hand holds my heart, in the way he looks into my soul, in his kindness.  For so long, I knew nothing but elusive love, that, which created a profound yearning for something more, something more complete, more real.  I am forever grateful for how he sends titillating waves of joyful sensations to my heart with his graceful teachings for how I can be a better person; I love that beyond his charming charisma and outgoing personality lies a careful attention to detail, to be kind, sensitive, and caring to my needs, expressed through his eyes, his touch, and his words.  What beautiful strokes he is imparting on my life canvass... I pray that the ultimate painting and picture is one of peace, joy, happiness, and true love.  Not every day do I have a reason to celebrate.  But today I want to celebrate this love that I am so very fortunate to have found.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #220 on: June 17, 2021, 09:57:37 AM »
There is an invasive amazing feeling that is permeating into my heart and into my life.  What blessed relief.  My heart is not as heavy. I welcome with open arms resilience and beauty to continue to come into my life.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #221 on: June 24, 2021, 09:01:48 AM »
He is on a work trip.  Listening to this song and it makes me miss him so much.  Songs like this one are nostalgic to both of us.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_n3E3mZdm8



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #222 on: June 24, 2021, 09:31:56 AM »
Pleassssse let time stand still.  My little pumpkin is getting taller!  :'(  A few days ago he was like, "Mommy, I think I grew."  Sure enough, he did grow like a half inch.  Baaah!  I'm not ready for him to grow up!  I can't hold him like a baby anymore.  I hate it!

My daughter is so stubborn right now.  I hope when she grows up she'll be better.  I remember being her age and going through the highs and lows with my emotions.  The littlest things would trigger me and set me off.  She gets that from me.  But with time I became more level-headed.  Hopefully the same is true for her.  Right now, there are times when I want to give her up for adoption with the way she behaves... but I know I need to exercise a lot of patience with her right now.  I love her so much but sometimes she makes me so mad.  Teenagers are so tough to raise.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #223 on: July 12, 2021, 11:05:31 AM »
This song is so me (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS6UTbxAiS0), from a girl perspective.  Sometimes I can hardly believe that I'm able to have these feelings--I never thought I'd be lucky enough to experience them, and for this length of time.  Anyway, love is super fragile and I get scared sometimes... hoping for the best.



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Offline lilly

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Re: letitbenonmundane
« Reply #224 on: July 15, 2021, 11:09:59 AM »
Random thoughts.
- I watched "Memoirs of a Geisha" a few days ago and while the film is so beautifully done and everything, all I could think of was, "Iaaaak, he's a pedophile ((the chairman).  Eugh!"
- Sometimes when I see him I see a sadness in his eyes.  There used to be a pleading look as if to say, "Give me another chance, I still want to be married to you."  And when I would address him by name before, he would respond with a hopeful, "Yes???" as if hoping that I would say, "I want to get back together."  But he knows that there is no way in hell I will ever look to the past.  I think the sadness look these days is the knowing that no one else is ever going to do the things that I did for him.  He has no one to rely on anymore to be his slave so that he can just sit back, relax, kick his feet, and enjoy the luxury.  Nope, he's going to have to fend for himself after his mom.  So sad that a grown ass man is back living with his mom.  I heard he is not with his gf anymore either.  I was wondering how long that was going to last.  I was hoping it would be for a long time but I guess not.  I should have known no other woman could ever put up with his narcissism, selfishness, thoughtlessnes s, etc.  Anyway, I'm so sad for myself that I let myself take care of the man for so long when he offered nothing in return and added zero value to my life (in fact, he dragged me down so much--every chance I was able to get up for air he pulled me down into the depths of the ocean again).  The day I was free of him was the happiest day of my life.  But all of that aside, he is still the father of my children, so, I wish him nothing but good health and happiness.  I hope he finds happiness.  But most important of all, I hope that he finds clarity.  I hope he grows up and understands that he has to take responsibility for himself and that no one on earth owes him anything.  I hope he will learn to understand that he was never and is not the smartest person in the room and finally understands that other people think he's an idiot--he was just too self-absorbed to see and understand the social cues of others.
- I don't think I was unique in being with someone like my ex.  So many other women are in my shoes.  They end up with such a loser for a husband where they end up being both mom and dad to their children; where they alone bear the sole responsibility of the household and all finances.  Where their loser husband comes and goes as he pleases as if he had no kids/no wife/no responsibiliti es.  I think what these types of men have in common are: laziness, entitlement, pure selfishness, complete lack of responsibility, heartlessness/cold-hearted, thoughtlessnes s, etc.  It's so easy to say to women who find themselves with men like these, "You are dumb for staying with a loser like him".  It's always easier said than done, though.  These men are the biggest manipulators and deceivers, if you didn't know.  Often, they don't show their true selves to the women until their "entrapment" game has worked.  They will let on that they are most loving/caring/supportive person.  And only when they've trapped the women with children/marriage, only then will they show who they really are.  And by that point, the women will want to try every way possible to hold on to their marriages for their children's sake (never for their own!).  Only when the woman has lost all hope and realize it's a life or death situation (she either gets out or die of suffocation from being with a loser that will never change), will she leave him.  So, don't be so quick to judge women that stay with losers.  Often, they don't stay for themselves, they stay so that their children don't have to experience a broken home.  But what many of these women fail to realize is that a broken home is the best thing that you can do for your children!  Your children need a happy mom.  Your children suffer twice as much when you stay with their useless and pathetic dad.



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