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Author Topic: Bars and Club After Marriage?  (Read 43131 times)

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bloggersdigest

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Bars and Club After Marriage?
« on: March 21, 2017, 02:18:54 PM »
Long story short I grew up in a pretty traditional family.
I was never allowed to go out late, sleep over at friends or relatives.  No piercings, no tattoos and crazy colored hair was out of the picture. 
So obviously growing up and reaching my early 20's I never drank, partied hard or did any substances of any sort.  Never even experienced what a club was until I was 21. 

Now from my early 20's reaching to my mid 20's I occasionally will go out with friends to the bars or clubs.

Yes I am married; I never take my ring off.  I make it clear I am married when men approach me and my Husband always knows where I am at and whom I am with.

He's doesn't drink and does not like to club and go to the bars.

One time I ran into his buddy, of course I said "Hi." 
They always ask where my Husband is and I always give the same response "He's at home, bars and clubbing is not his scene." 
Don't get me wrong I don't go out every weekend, but when I do it's always just the girls and there are a few that are indeed married.

Anyways fast forward, my Husband picked me up one night after I was out with my friends and we went out for some late night food and ran into his same buddy.  His buddy's response was "Dang, you are one loyal guy, I keep running into your wife and I don't see you ever."

Which I assume is apparently a lot when we have only ran into each other twice and both times my Husband was aware of where and when I was. 

I wanted to so badly speak my mind and say "Excuse me?  Are you saying I am un-loyal because I am seen without him? And I am sorry you apparently have never heard of something called trust."

But I bit my tongue and did not say a thing.

Was I overthinking or not?
My Husband and I have talked over this matter before and he allows me to go out and hang out with friends.  I always ask him if it bothers him that I go to the clubs or bars once in a while and he says no cause he trust me.  But I can’t help but also feel bad.  I have never cheated or done anything wrong.  After a night of going out I always tell him how it went and if men approached me I tell him what happened and how I handled it.  I tell him just because we share everything.   

Was it wrong of me to be upset his friend said that?



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can

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #1 on: March 21, 2017, 02:24:02 PM »

Now from my early 20's reaching to my mid 20's I occasionally will go out with friends to the bars or clubs.

Yes I am married; I never take my ring off. 

why so many hmong marry so young.  :idiot2:



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bloggersdigest

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #2 on: March 21, 2017, 02:28:59 PM »
why so many hmong marry so young.  :idiot2:

I wouldn't say I married super young....
As young to me is like 15-16 HAHA!

But to answer your question I married young because we have known one another for over 7+ years
We dated for about 5 years and we already knew it was either we get married or we separated, marriage to us after 5
years was nothing of a big deal it was to us making it official and now waking up next to one another every morning and
pushing through every bump in the road.

Plus with traditional parents... My option was to either marry or stop seeing one another....



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peachtrees

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #3 on: March 21, 2017, 02:29:31 PM »
Long story short I grew up in a pretty traditional family.
I was never allowed to go out late, sleep over at friends or relatives.  No piercings, no tattoos and crazy colored hair was out of the picture. 
So obviously growing up and reaching my early 20's I never drank, partied hard or did any substances of any sort.  Never even experienced what a club was until I was 21. 

Now from my early 20's reaching to my mid 20's I occasionally will go out with friends to the bars or clubs.

Yes I am married; I never take my ring off.  I make it clear I am married when men approach me and my Husband always knows where I am at and whom I am with.

He's doesn't drink and does not like to club and go to the bars.

One time I ran into his buddy, of course I said "Hi." 
They always ask where my Husband is and I always give the same response "He's at home, bars and clubbing is not his scene." 
Don't get me wrong I don't go out every weekend, but when I do it's always just the girls and there are a few that are indeed married.

Anyways fast forward, my Husband picked me up one night after I was out with my friends and we went out for some late night food and ran into his same buddy.  His buddy's response was "Dang, you are one loyal guy, I keep running into your wife and I don't see you ever."

Which I assume is apparently a lot when we have only ran into each other twice and both times my Husband was aware of where and when I was. 

I wanted to so badly speak my mind and say "Excuse me?  Are you saying I am un-loyal because I am seen without him? And I am sorry you apparently have never heard of something called trust."

But I bit my tongue and did not say a thing.

Was I overthinking or not?
My Husband and I have talked over this matter before and he allows me to go out and hang out with friends.  I always ask him if it bothers him that I go to the clubs or bars once in a while and he says no cause he trust me.  But I can’t help but also feel bad.  I have never cheated or done anything wrong.  After a night of going out I always tell him how it went and if men approached me I tell him what happened and how I handled it.  I tell him just because we share everything.   

Was it wrong of me to be upset his friend said that?

No it's not wrong to be upset. Because his friend doesn't know what kind of relationship you have with your husband. His opinion is just an opinion, and he's not someone who's very important in your life so don't let it bother you. Your husband trusts you, and you are very transparent about what you're doing and who you're with. I would say that you can be upset but don't let it last too long. After all, your relationship is just between you and your husband.



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flint-rod

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #4 on: March 21, 2017, 02:30:15 PM »
is there any way u can provide a visual of yourself... that wld help us assess the situation better... if you're easy on the eyes then u have every right to be upset... but if you're a "hey-u"... u shld take it as a compliment... just keeping it real... lol!



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bloggersdigest

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #5 on: March 21, 2017, 02:31:26 PM »
No it's not wrong to be upset. Because his friend doesn't know what kind of relationship you have with your husband. His opinion is just an opinion, and he's not someone who's very important in your life so don't let it bother you. Your husband trusts you, and you are very transparent about what you're doing and who you're with. I would say that you can be upset but don't let it last too long. After all, your relationship is just between you and your husband.

Thanks Peachtrees!!
I am somewhat of a grudge holder and working on it haha so I am trying my best to just brush it off  ;D



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peachtrees

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #6 on: March 21, 2017, 02:33:40 PM »
Thanks Peachtrees!!
I am somewhat of a grudge holder and working on it haha so I am trying my best to just brush it off  ;D

Sounds good, I'm glad you're trying. I'm working on not holding grudges too.  ;D



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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #7 on: March 21, 2017, 02:34:39 PM »
is there any way u can provide a visual of yourself... that wld help us assess the situation better... if you're easy on the eyes then u have every right to be upset... but if you're a "hey-u"... u shld take it as a compliment... just keeping it real... lol!

HAHA sorry but I would like to stay anonymous...
If it helps I don't believe I look like gorgeous super model, but when going out with my friends I will get men approaching me at least once if not twice...
Unfortunately I can be a very blunt and honest, but I always refer them to my single friends hahaha  ;D



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bloggersdigest

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #8 on: March 21, 2017, 02:36:07 PM »
Sounds good, I'm glad you're trying. I'm working on not holding grudges too.  ;D

HAHA thanks, yeah a lot harder said then being done



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #9 on: March 21, 2017, 02:40:19 PM »
People see you once and they say they have seen you a thousand times, especially it they had a motive.

I think the friend has a thing for you though.


« Last Edit: May 30, 2019, 08:26:29 AM by Reporter »

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The snooping eye sees everything."--Ono No Komachi, Japanese Poetess (emphasis)

Offline YAX

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #10 on: March 21, 2017, 02:40:35 PM »
1. Of course it bothers him but why would he tell you when all it will do is make you go on a bitter rant and get all angry about it to make him change his sentence again.

2.  Your marriage, as innocent as you make it sound, is headed straight towards rocky shores and will soon sink.  Might as well get divorced now while you're still young and perhaps pretty enough to hook up with a few guys. 



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flint-rod

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #11 on: March 21, 2017, 02:41:33 PM »
HAHA sorry but I would like to stay anonymous...
If it helps I don't believe I look like gorgeous super model, but when going out with my friends I will get men approaching me at least once if not twice...
Unfortunately I can be a very blunt and honest, but I always refer them to my single friends hahaha  ;D

suit yourself... anyway, so attractive married women who are out partying with their single friends are perceived as promiscuous... whereas not so attractive married women aren't... thus the perception... thus whether that's true or not... who knows... thus your feelings about this situation should depend on how you look... lol!



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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #12 on: March 21, 2017, 02:43:02 PM »
People see you once and they say they have seen you a thousand times, especially it they have a motive.

I think the friend has a thing for you though.

Ehhh I highly doubt it...  Or at least I don't think he does.



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Offline Reporter

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #13 on: March 21, 2017, 02:43:14 PM »
A new guy, you mean?

But I agree. The friend is probably first in line, if you mean a few... Lol

... a few guys.



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"...
The snooping eye sees everything."--Ono No Komachi, Japanese Poetess (emphasis)

Offline YAX

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Re: Bars and Club After Marriage?
« Reply #14 on: March 21, 2017, 02:44:39 PM »
A new guy, you mean?

But I agree. The friend is probably first in line, if you mean a few... Lol
No, I meant "a few" because they won't be around long if she keeps up the bar scene.



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