The funny thing is that we all have problems in our lives and like a school assignment, those too have due dates. I remembered not doing any projects and would see these due dates elapse and I would get an F for the grade. It doesn't bother me much because that stress is like lifted off your shoulder. Even in college, dropping a class with a W felt so good. You are on an F route in such class and to drop it feels so effing good like you just don't know.
Same thing with life challenges, those too have due dates. It is there and a day goes by is a day closer to the due dates. Once you tackle you problems and can breathe again, it feels good.....until the next problem arises.
I am in solitude right now. I am at peace with myself and I am numb to all stress factors out there. I wake up and do things and then night fall, I go to sleep and even with that, I don't think about anything much these days. Stress are there but with mind over matter, I acted like it doesn't exist. The more I think about it and be analytical and critical about the way I think, I can go deep and meaningful with it and it starts to get scarier. I just stopped doing what I used to do and going back to basic.
I now know what my great religious aunt went through as she was living a carefree life and dedicated herself to the religion. She raises us by giving us to her god. Any stress she gets due to us, she gave it to her god thus why there is a line quote by kaydoo that goes like.. "Jesus takes the wheel"
It is a mental illness some say but I dont' see it. Do you suppose a crazy person even knows that they are crazy? Maybe the world is crazy but not them. It is sort of like that. I know I'm going through something but I have no name to associate it with. All I know is that this pandemic has changed my life and is making me numb. My friend dad just died over the weekend. Instead of consulting him to help him go through with it, I'm just so accepting this whole death deal that death is common and the devil in me would come out and tell the poor guy that he shouldn't grieve like this. Easier said than done right cuz it is not my dad but his dad although my dad is going through Alzheimer symptoms just like his dad and the guy can croak at any minute too.
The source for this is after the death of my friend through covid a few months back. It changes my views and perceptions and I almost blame it on God. Doubts would creep on in and given a few months after, I over came it. God is still good.
I have no relationship with my friends, drinking buddies. One of them deleted my number cuz I don't call him anymore. NOt even a text and I know for sure that he deleted my number as he deleted his bestfriend's numbers too. I know this because this bestfriends of his is now my informant. To make matters worse, I caught fishes and unlike before, we would post pix and brag about it and put our friend's tot he hot spot. All that changes and I don't do that anymore and because I do reach out to my friends anymore, this one guy would have the decency to say that I'm a hater and shady for not sharing the hot spot. I'm like fool, you deleted my number thus why you don't ask and if you dont' ask, not my problem for not sharing. He threw the first stone so of speak.
So anyways, stress due to this unprecedented times are there. We just got to figure out how we are going to handle it. I'm keeping myself busy these days. I am even lucky to have the time for PH. I took up another job to keep my mind busy so I don't have to deal with them stress that is usually there. 80 hours a week of work. 3 hours of sleep each night. No time to work out. Cardio vascular disease who knows is in my future so then this is my underlying condition so I need to be careful not to catch covid or else I might be done. If I don't ph with you guys for a month, know that I'm a victim of covid. I don't go too long without phing with you guys.
I'm not a workaholic by choice. I do it to hide away from my problems. If work doesn't pay, I would do it for free and that is some serious sick mental health illness there folks.
So to sum it up, No dating, no sex, no booze, no gambling (sports included), no wants and needs so I'm not buying anything and just like a guy going through a bad divorce or got dump, I pick up my fishing pole and I go fishing solo which then is another added on mental illness issue. The hell is wrong with me? From an extrovert with everything in the world to now a prisoner of my own demises.
Vaccine is coming but even with that too is questionable. You see, to those who already are done with having children, you guys are safe. With people like myself whom have yet to produce, we just don't know if our offspring will inherited this weird dna fusion for the worst or the best. This vaccine works by changing our genes or mutate us so that our immune system can sense it and to fight it. If only facebook can see what I just said there, they will surely block me for fake news.
So yeah guys, thanks for reading and I'm about to get off, go find food, sleep for a few hours and work again the night job. I'm now a bird who doesn't need to think. I have a busy schedule, I just do it to kill time and when I am awaken once again, the world will be better and I'll be rich. yeah that.
Topic: Enough politics, distraction post. (Read 2211 times)