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Author Topic: The happy side of death  (Read 1089 times)

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Offline Kong Vang

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The happy side of death
« on: January 21, 2021, 07:50:53 PM »
When I was in my mid 20s, I attempted suicide. Obviously,  I failed or else I would not be writing this today... I survive only because of shear luck and by the grace of my family.

While in a mental hospital and in the midst of a very painful depression following my suicide attempt, I realized something very profound and life changing. If there was no reason for me to want to live then equally there must be no reason for me not wanting to live either... this may seem confusing so I will let you read that again.

My insight is this, why was I so afraid to live? If there was nothing left for me, nothing left to make me want to go on with my life then I would have nothing to lose by living. No shame, embarrassment, no fear or no regrets. With this realization, everything about me changed... my shyness went away, I diet and lost half of myself, I interviewed and got a really good job and I even got a girl friend.



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Offline DuMa

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #1 on: January 21, 2021, 08:06:57 PM »
Dying is the easy part but someone has to pick up the tab to bury your azz and cry for your azz and the guilt that you put them through. 

This is the reason why I never ever thought about killing myself. 




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Offline theking

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #2 on: January 21, 2021, 08:40:12 PM »
Sometimes it does take a life changing moment like that to change one's life and/or perspective... and thus broaden one's horizon and outlook on life.



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Offline Kong Vang

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2021, 10:26:38 AM »
To continue my story...

I am still a very shy person who still lacks self confidence and in some ways, those thing will always be with me in some small way. But my brush with death, I found something larger and more important to focus my attention on. I found that the things I truly care about outweighs the things that were holding my back. In some strange and backwards way, the lowest point in my life, the most difficult point in life, a time where I have lost all hope was also the turning point in my life.

I truly believe that death is our friend, in the sense that death forces us to cherish the things we love. Death reminds us that our lives and the lives of those we care for are finite and very precious. And above all, death teaches us to never be afraid. 



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2021, 11:10:57 AM »
You were lucky, you got 2nd chance.  Some people succeed 1st chance.  My daughter was telling me a peer of hers committed suicide.  My heart ache for the deceased and the parents, those left behind.  NO matter how bad things get OR you think, life will get better, always will.

Kong, I'm glad you are no longer in that dark place...

I'm just curious, how did you get to the point you want to take your own life?  How did you get into depression?  J/c

As a community, we need to learn/understand so we can help people around us.  This is no joke.



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline Mr_Mechanic

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2021, 11:44:05 AM »
to be honest....im scare of death.  not so much for me, but for my love ones I leave behind.  then again, death, something we all can not avoid.  then, it brings to mind...why worry about the things we have no control over.


« Last Edit: January 22, 2021, 11:46:44 AM by Mr_Mechanic »

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Offline Cali Guy

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2021, 05:00:47 PM »
Sounds like you’ve been reborn, might as well enjoyed to the fullest of what little time you have left of this residence.



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Offline hmgROCK

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #7 on: January 24, 2021, 10:41:18 PM »
When I was in my mid 20s, I attempted suicide. Obviously,  I failed or else I would not be writing this today... I survive only because of shear luck and by the grace of my family.

While in a mental hospital and in the midst of a very painful depression following my suicide attempt, I realized something very profound and life changing. If there was no reason for me to want to live then equally there must be no reason for me not wanting to live either... this may seem confusing so I will let you read that again.

My insight is this, why was I so afraid to live? If there was nothing left for me, nothing left to make me want to go on with my life then I would have nothing to lose by living. No shame, embarrassment, no fear or no regrets. With this realization, everything about me changed... my shyness went away, I diet and lost half of myself, I interviewed and got a really good job and I even got a girl friend.


thanks for sharing man..
we have mental crisis in the hmong communities
that isn't being talk or address

look man,
i will just give you one advice

"don't give an F about what other people think about you"

look at me bro, i wear walmart shoes and sweetpants!!!
i don't give an F what you think
catch all the fishes i want




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God did not created man...man created god

Offline Kong Vang

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2021, 02:01:14 PM »
You were lucky, you got 2nd chance.  Some people succeed 1st chance.  My daughter was telling me a peer of hers committed suicide.  My heart ache for the deceased and the parents, those left behind.  NO matter how bad things get OR you think, life will get better, always will.

Kong, I'm glad you are no longer in that dark place...

I'm just curious, how did you get to the point you want to take your own life?  How did you get into depression?  J/c

As a community, we need to learn/understand so we can help people around us.  This is no joke.

Without getting into too much detail to distract anyone away from the issue... And just so you know, I don't blame anyone or anything for my depression.

As a kid, I was a worrier. As far back as I can remember, given any situation, news or predicament, my small mind would race towards 100 outcomes and most of them would be of a dark ending. I remember going to Sunday School when I was 6 or 7 and heard the story of Noah and the Ark. To any normal kid, this would just be another biblical story, but not me. I had nightmares for months about rain and how the world would end, it got so bad that I hated and feared each time it rained. As ridiculous and foolish as this may seem, this was my life all the way thru college.

Fortunately, the same curse that was fueling my anxiety was also fueling my education. As a EEE major, my ability to overthink things was invaluable in boosting my ability my troubleshoot and resolved complex issues. I was an exceptional student in that sense. Shortly after graduation, my mind snapped. At first, I thought it was just the seasonal blues, going from Fall to Winter. But then Spring came and left and my depression only got worst, with each new day being more painful than the last. At first, suicide never crossed my mind, only the stupid and insane would ever entertain such thoughts I told myself. As the months dragged on, the mind slowly and almost without knowing gives in and at some point, it accepted the fact that dying is less painful than living.



 


« Last Edit: January 25, 2021, 02:54:11 PM by Kong Vang »

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Offline Reporter

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2021, 02:45:35 PM »
Good that you survived the depression.

When I was in my mid 20s, I attempted suicide. Obviously,  I failed or else I would not be writing this today... I survive only because of shear luck and by the grace of my family.

While in a mental hospital and in the midst of a very painful depression following my suicide attempt, I realized something very profound and life changing. If there was no reason for me to want to live then equally there must be no reason for me not wanting to live either... this may seem confusing so I will let you read that again.

My insight is this, why was I so afraid to live? If there was nothing left for me, nothing left to make me want to go on with my life then I would have nothing to lose by living. No shame, embarrassment, no fear or no regrets. With this realization, everything about me changed... my shyness went away, I diet and lost half of myself, I interviewed and got a really good job and I even got a girl friend.



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"Either you run the day or the day runs you."--John Rim, Bitfarms, Ltd.

Offline Kong Vang

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2021, 02:53:11 PM »
Thanks everyone.



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Offline hmgROCK

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2021, 03:02:54 PM »
Without getting into too much detail to distract anyone away from the issue... And just so you know, I don't blame anyone or anything for my depression.

As a kid, I was a worrier. As far back as I can remember, given any situation, news or predicament, my small mind would race towards 100 outcomes and most of them would be of a dark ending. I remember going to Sunday School when I was 6 or 7 and heard the story of Noah and the Ark. To any normal kid, this would just be another biblical story, but not me. I had nightmares for months about rain and how the world would end, it got so bad that I hated and feared each time it rained. As ridiculous and foolish as this may seem, this was my life all the way thru college.

Fortunately, the same curse that was fueling my anxiety was also fueling my education. As a EEE major, my ability to overthink things was invaluable in boosting my ability my troubleshoot and resolved complex issues. I was an exceptional student in that sense. Shortly after graduation, my mind snapped. At first, I thought it was just the seasonal blues, going from Fall to Winter. But then Spring came and left and my depression only got worst, with each new day being more painful than the last. At first, suicide never crossed my mind, only the stupid and insane would ever entertain such thoughts I told myself. As the months dragged on, the mind slowly and almost without knowing gives in and at some point, it accepted the fact that dying is less painful than living.

god damn dude
did those pastor rape yall or something growing up??

sheesh man

stop believing in that dogma nonsense
my old folks ain't even that crazy into shaman



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God did not created man...man created god

Offline theking

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #12 on: January 25, 2021, 03:44:19 PM »

No "P" so it's a fake photo based on the standards you set for your own photos..



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Offline hmgROCK

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #13 on: January 25, 2021, 07:41:21 PM »
thanks for sharing man....


i know lots of hmong guys who are scared and shy of pretty girls

advice is to just start texting and facebook message
until you are comfortable to talk on the phone
than face to face

baby steps

just be 100% truthful... chicks dig that



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God did not created man...man created god

Offline Kong Vang

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Re: The happy side of death
« Reply #14 on: January 25, 2021, 10:12:14 PM »
https://www.wbay.com/content/news/Two-found-dead-in-Grand-Chute-home-562477861.html?fbclid=IwAR366UAeSlxTD1XkcKqnyq1ZH47c5_PfRFDd4b7dLwrT_8oZvLVVBYI3KdM

https://www.nbc26.com/news/local-news/answers-in-grand-chute-couple-death-still-unclear


I ran across this article a few weeks ago while helping my nephew with his research paper. I do apologize ahead of time if anyone knows this couple, my intent is not to open old wounds.

It was this story that reminded me of my struggles with suicide and ultimately motivated me to post about my past. On the surface, they had the perfect life... a beautiful family, very successful careers, and both were financially secured. Logic would say they had everything to live for, some might even say they had the dream life... But as with my struggles, I am sure they too had demons deep down inside.

 



« Last Edit: January 25, 2021, 10:17:17 PM by Kong Vang »

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