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Offline floaty

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The way people are...
« on: May 10, 2021, 06:07:15 AM »
When a married hmong woman doesn't work; the mother-in-law is quick to judge and tells her son "Get rid of her, she's useless. She's lazy. She's dumb. Stop being her slave."

But when a hmong son doesn't work. The mother-in-law tells her daughter-in-law "Be patient with him. Take care of him."

When the daughter-in-law is sick or disabled and can't do much. The mother-in-law and son is quick to judge and will hop on to another female quick. Abandonment at its best or like some men says "survival of the fittest." The mother-in-law will say "Allow your husband to marry a niam yau so that the new wife can help around the house and help you too. Since you are disabled and can't do anything."

When the son is disabled and the daughter-in-law is the bread winner, the mother-in-law will say to her "Please be patient with your husband. He is disabled and can't do much but your kids need him. So, do your best to take care of him and forgive him for what he lacks since he can't help take care of the family."

Pretty stupid. Hmong people are like that. Men are selfish like that. They will abandon their hard working good wife if she becomes ill. Yet women tend to stick around and cope with it and help their spouse until the very end. Bad hmong mother-in-laws are also like that. If they have a good daughter in law but never like her, this is the fastest route to get rid of her. But oh behold! If its her son, she doesn't want the daughter in law to abandon him. Psh...hmong aws.. Why do I find myself hating Hmong people and men in general when I see this too often??!

Men, why would you abandon your sick wife when she always stood by you?

Women, would you hang on or abandon?



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Offline walley

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2021, 07:58:31 AM »
Totally agree with you. I've been married for over 15 years and my wife has "worked", as in having a job for maybe 20 days. However, she has cared for us through housework and homeschooling our child while giving me the time to "work". I think it depends on the individual. I think Hmong men and women tend to fall into the scenario you are talking about if they are more traditional. Both my wife and I are not traditional and she is only half Hmong. We do see some of our Hmong friends in similar scenarios that you mentioned. My personal opinion... I wouldn't abandon my wife if she stood by me all these years. If I was a woman and the wife, I would abandon my husband if I'm the bread winner and he doesn't do anything if he is capable of doing something. Honestly, being married into the Hmong culture as a woman sucks. I think both husband and wife should contribute to their family, but I think there is more obligation on the husband's part to contribute more since I believe the male is the one that is protecting his family. I look at us as a team more than individual contributions. If one of us fails then we both failed.



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Offline qeej

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2021, 10:21:46 AM »
Totally agree with you. I've been married for over 15 years and my wife has "worked", as in having a job for maybe 20 days. However, she has cared for us through housework and homeschooling our child while giving me the time to "work". I think it depends on the individual. I think Hmong men and women tend to fall into the scenario you are talking about if they are more traditional. Both my wife and I are not traditional and she is only half Hmong. We do see some of our Hmong friends in similar scenarios that you mentioned. My personal opinion... I wouldn't abandon my wife if she stood by me all these years. If I was a woman and the wife, I would abandon my husband if I'm the bread winner and he doesn't do anything if he is capable of doing something. Honestly, being married into the Hmong culture as a woman sucks. I think both husband and wife should contribute to their family, but I think there is more obligation on the husband's part to contribute more since I believe the male is the one that is protecting his family. I look at us as a team more than individual contributions. If one of us fails then we both failed.
That's the way I see it as well. I think Hmong millennials who were raised in America in a less traditional way wouldn't care what the MIL thinks. In fact, I think all in-laws (who are not financially supporting their kids) should leave the married people alone to navigate their own struggles. In-laws should just watch the occasional grandkids while riding their retirement into the sunset gardening or whatever. Then again, I'm not married so what do I know.. lol



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Offline Reporter

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #3 on: May 11, 2021, 10:20:15 AM »
Probably an older version of society. I don't see myself wanting a second wife. Nor does my mother encourage a second wife.


When a married hmong woman doesn't work; the mother-in-law is quick to judge and tells her son "Get rid of her, she's useless. She's lazy. She's dumb. Stop being her slave."

But when a hmong son doesn't work. The mother-in-law tells her daughter-in-law "Be patient with him. Take care of him."

When the daughter-in-law is sick or disabled and can't do much. The mother-in-law and son is quick to judge and will hop on to another female quick. Abandonment at its best or like some men says "survival of the fittest." The mother-in-law will say "Allow your husband to marry a niam yau so that the new wife can help around the house and help you too. Since you are disabled and can't do anything."

When the son is disabled and the daughter-in-law is the bread winner, the mother-in-law will say to her "Please be patient with your husband. He is disabled and can't do much but your kids need him. So, do your best to take care of him and forgive him for what he lacks since he can't help take care of the family."

Pretty stupid. Hmong people are like that. Men are selfish like that. They will abandon their hard working good wife if she becomes ill. Yet women tend to stick around and cope with it and help their spouse until the very end. Bad hmong mother-in-laws are also like that. If they have a good daughter in law but never like her, this is the fastest route to get rid of her. But oh behold! If its her son, she doesn't want the daughter in law to abandon him. Psh...hmong aws.. Why do I find myself hating Hmong people and men in general when I see this too often??!

Men, why would you abandon your sick wife when she always stood by you?

Women, would you hang on or abandon?



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2021, 11:52:55 AM »
Probably an older version of society. I don't see myself wanting a second wife. Nor does my mother encourage a second wife.
Based on what floaty is saying, that's because you don't have a valid reason YET.  When you do, you will hear it coming.  But for a wife, even if she has a valid reason, the mother in law will say be patient. 

My advice:  We know what's good for us.

God give us a brain, a heart, use them ;D ;D ;D  Just as he gave us hands, feet, etc....  They're all given for a reason.



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Offline Reporter

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2021, 01:23:44 PM »
What reason is there that would be more important than the woman I marry next?

Based on what floaty is saying, that's because you don't have a valid reason YET.  When you do, you will hear it coming.  But for a wife, even if she has a valid reason, the mother in law will say be patient. 

My advice:  We know what's good for us.

God give us a brain, a heart, use them ;D ;D ;D  Just as he gave us hands, feet, etc....  They're all given for a reason.



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Offline Reporter

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #6 on: May 11, 2021, 01:26:24 PM »
By the way, the plural former /s/ comes after the word "mother" in "mother-in-law."  So, it would be "mothers-in-law" instead.

When a married hmong woman doesn't work; the mother-in-law is quick to judge and tells her son "Get rid of her, she's useless. She's lazy. She's dumb. Stop being her slave."

But when a hmong son doesn't work. The mother-in-law tells her daughter-in-law "Be patient with him. Take care of him."

When the daughter-in-law is sick or disabled and can't do much. The mother-in-law and son is quick to judge and will hop on to another female quick. Abandonment at its best or like some men says "survival of the fittest." The mother-in-law will say "Allow your husband to marry a niam yau so that the new wife can help around the house and help you too. Since you are disabled and can't do anything."

When the son is disabled and the daughter-in-law is the bread winner, the mother-in-law will say to her "Please be patient with your husband. He is disabled and can't do much but your kids need him. So, do your best to take care of him and forgive him for what he lacks since he can't help take care of the family."

Pretty stupid. Hmong people are like that. Men are selfish like that. They will abandon their hard working good wife if she becomes ill. Yet women tend to stick around and cope with it and help their spouse until the very end. Bad hmong mother-in-laws are also like that. If they have a good daughter in law but never like her, this is the fastest route to get rid of her. But oh behold! If its her son, she doesn't want the daughter in law to abandon him. Psh...hmong aws.. Why do I find myself hating Hmong people and men in general when I see this too often??!

Men, why would you abandon your sick wife when she always stood by you?

Women, would you hang on or abandon?



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #7 on: May 11, 2021, 01:42:36 PM »
What reason is there that would be more important than the woman I marry next?
That's only the beginning of the beginning....



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #8 on: May 11, 2021, 01:56:50 PM »
If a woman marries me expecting me to handle a second wife, she's out first.



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2021, 02:10:53 PM »
If a woman marries me expecting me to handle a second wife, she's out first.
According to Floaty, it's mother in law...



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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2021, 02:55:51 PM »
My mother isn't like that at all. She and my father have always been one-to-one. She doesn't say anything about any of her daughters-in-law.

According to Floaty, it's mother in law...



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Offline Dok_Champa

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2021, 03:03:28 PM »
My mother isn't like that at all. She and my father have always been one-to-one. She doesn't say anything about any of her daughters-in-law.
Your significant other will be blessed to have found such a wonderful mother in law.  There are wonderful, kind, loving mother in laws. 



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But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline floaty

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #12 on: May 13, 2021, 11:51:25 PM »
My mother isn't like that at all. She and my father have always been one-to-one. She doesn't say anything about any of her daughters-in-law.

That is good then. We do have plenty that needs to learn from your mom.



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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #13 on: May 13, 2021, 11:58:28 PM »
 O0 O0

That is good then. We do have plenty that needs to learn from your mom.



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Offline Visualmon

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Re: The way people are...
« Reply #14 on: May 16, 2021, 03:17:17 AM »
When a married hmong woman doesn't work; the mother-in-law is quick to judge and tells her son "Get rid of her, she's useless. She's lazy. She's dumb. Stop being her slave."

But when a hmong son doesn't work. The mother-in-law tells her daughter-in-law "Be patient with him. Take care of him."

When the daughter-in-law is sick or disabled and can't do much. The mother-in-law and son is quick to judge and will hop on to another female quick. Abandonment at its best or like some men says "survival of the fittest." The mother-in-law will say "Allow your husband to marry a niam yau so that the new wife can help around the house and help you too. Since you are disabled and can't do anything."

When the son is disabled and the daughter-in-law is the bread winner, the mother-in-law will say to her "Please be patient with your husband. He is disabled and can't do much but your kids need him. So, do your best to take care of him and forgive him for what he lacks since he can't help take care of the family."

Pretty stupid. Hmong people are like that. Men are selfish like that. They will abandon their hard working good wife if she becomes ill. Yet women tend to stick around and cope with it and help their spouse until the very end. Bad hmong mother-in-laws are also like that. If they have a good daughter in law but never like her, this is the fastest route to get rid of her. But oh behold! If its her son, she doesn't want the daughter in law to abandon him. Psh...hmong aws.. Why do I find myself hating Hmong people and men in general when I see this too often??!

Men, why would you abandon your sick wife when she always stood by you?

Women, would you hang on or abandon?

Traditional peeps like that I don't wanna know and hang out with them. I have seen few nyabs got kicked out by their husbands in my lifetime. It's not pretty sight to see.

There were times my parents and relatives with primitive mind urge me to get marry early in my mid 20's. I kept shaking my head and told them, "no". I had reasons not to. I had this strange feeling like a bad omen would eventually come to me if I do it for their sake. They're so uneducated on the part where marriage is sacred by a oath/vow, not a plaything where you marry and divorce then remarry. Marriage is pretty much the same as hauv ntshav tes (blood bind), two flesh become one unified flesh. If one leaves his/her spouse the curse follow him/her til the end of the earth. Such symptoms as depression, schizophrenia, suicidal, paranoia, dementia, delusion will come later in old age where death awaits.



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