PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => General Relationship => Topic started by: lilly on September 02, 2021, 02:42:06 PM
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I happened upon this youtube video where a Hmong pastor was preaching to couples on Valentine's Day. Towards the end of the video, he said that men really wants a woman who 1) listens to him and does what he says, 2) doesn't speak ahead of her husband.
#1 is fine. Both need to listen to each other and do the things that the other person wants.
#2, though, I dunno. I think it doesn't matter who speaks first at all. But the pastor seems to imply that if the woman speaks first, it will make others disrespect her husband because it makes it seem like she is the head and not the husband. I think people who think that men should always speak first before their wives at events, have a backwards mentality because, again, it doesn't matter who speaks first. But, if one of the spouses fights to speak first all the time because of a sense of self-importance, that is super unattractive. When someone fights to speak first or doesn't give other people the chance to speak and weigh in, they probably have an ego issue. It doesn't matter who it is, anyone with an ego issue is unattractive. But the general idea that the pastor was trying to convey was that women should let their men speak first at events vs them (the women) speaking first. That's such a sexist and backwards mentality. I don't agree with that.
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Anyway, what do you think?
What do men want from their women?
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A man once told me Hmong has this phrase "hlub & fwm"...man wants fwm and woman wants hlub so woman fwm men and men hlub woman.
Without fwm, no hlub..
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A man once told me Hmong has this phrase "hlub & fwm"...man wants fwm and woman wants hlub so woman fwm men and men hlub woman.
Without fwm, no hlub..
Cool concept. I agree.
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1. Be a woman and play your role.
2. Whatever she can do, men can do better but knowing how some men are built these days, I'll lay down like a damsel in distress.
3. Now if the going gets tough, there is still no crying. This is when I come in to regulate.
Notice how the male lion don't hunt or do chit. It is intentionally done to keep her quiet and happy cuz a happy husband is a non nagging wife. If she cries, I'm buying her the world just to stop her from crying. Power of the pee eww es es why I do adore.
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Anyway, what do you think?
What do men want from their women?
In regards to the question above, the answer will be one of those depends on the man answer...
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A man just wants a woman who understands him. An honest, loving, and caring woman. And I mean genuinely caring and loving.
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Forget women, after this rendezvous, i'm riding solo.
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Men just want equality as do women. When the scale is unbalanced and one person is shouldering more, the other should compensate and bring it back to the balance position. Of course mutual respect goes a long way. Similar concept with just regular friendships too.
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I like to share a few encounters I had experienced similar situation like the OP.
First encounter: Hot-headed Jehovah Witnesses
Right after the husband finish reading one section of the WatchTower booklet, he asks entire JW staffs question about the certain passage from the biblical story. When the wife knew the answer to that question, she speaks up. I look at the husband's face, his face turned red and his action signify as a snarl. Then I look at the wife's face, she frowned and turn into frail beta wolf, knowing her husband doesn't tolerate her opinions. Here's the fawk'ed up part. Whenever one of the female staffs speaks up, the husband doesn't do anything. He accepted their opinions except his wife. I was like oooookay. ;D
Second encounter: Black eye Lady
I came to SSI office where the wife works as the speaker behind the counter. On the left side of her face, she got a black eye.
She wasn't in her cheerful mood when we were at the congregation. The position she's in is the fragile stage where she can't escape from domestic violence. I remember one time she told me a story when she had a fight between her and him. He couldn't stand her inferiority and left her with the in-laws. She prayed every night to God so he may change. He did came back home, but the attitudes haven't change one bit.
Third encounter: Muted Couples
The Hmong couples and I went to one of our staff members' home in Sacramento. Before the departure, there's another Hmong couples, they're young though, rather had a strange relationship. I mean they don't talk to each other and look at one another anymore.
When I introduce myself to one of the Hmong female staffs, the young husband came interrupting our conversations. I was like ??? Where's his wife and his kids? Isn't he suppose to take care of them? I went into the kitchen and found his wife alone playing with her children. I thought to myself this guy must be socks with women. His wife is gorgeous and why he bother talking to average woman like the one I was conversing to. ;D
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Different men want different things from different women...I reckon. ;)
What I want is irrelevant to what another person wants.
As for the part about who speaks first...well depends on who's the expert or have more relevant experience and the correct mindset to disseminate such information. Then again sometimes it's just the opposite. Need the 'idiot' to speak first. LOL
Sometimes it's the person who is the 'key' to unlocking the potential of the other person. Sure you let the head speak, but it's just the lips moving. Now the real brains behind that is probably more important. Cuz people who are open minded will allow them to be swayed with new information, but relevant information.
When I was a young boy dragged to the elders round house of talks. All I heard was how a few people who speaks first, were often the "negative nathans" about everything. The simple, "We don't have time. We don't have money. We don't have man power. We don't something something..." And it goes back to them having the first word and last word. I just wanted to serve them a tall glass of shut up juice. Good thing I was a little kid and my opinion and observations weren't required.
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Not every man wants the same thing.
These two might work for some men. But they won't work for all men.
I happened upon this youtube video where a Hmong pastor was preaching to couples on Valentine's Day. Towards the end of the video, he said that men really wants a woman who 1) listens to him and does what he says, 2) doesn't speak ahead of her husband.
#1 is fine. Both need to listen to each other and do the things that the other person wants.
#2, though, I dunno. I think it doesn't matter who speaks first at all. But the pastor seems to imply that if the woman speaks first, it will make others disrespect her husband because it makes it seem like she is the head and not the husband. I think people who think that men should always speak first before their wives at events, have a backwards mentality because, again, it doesn't matter who speaks first. But, if one of the spouses fights to speak first all the time because of a sense of self-importance, that is super unattractive. When someone fights to speak first or doesn't give other people the chance to speak and weigh in, they probably have an ego issue. It doesn't matter who it is, anyone with an ego issue is unattractive. But the general idea that the pastor was trying to convey was that women should let their men speak first at events vs them (the women) speaking first. That's such a sexist and backwards mentality. I don't agree with that.
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Anyway, what do you think?
What do men want from their women?
i want a hot, beautiful, patient and submissive woman, who makes millions!
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A man once told me Hmong has this phrase "hlub & fwm"...man wants fwm and woman wants hlub so woman fwm men and men hlub woman.
Without fwm, no hlub..
But I want both ;D.
I know what it means, but the phrase is out of date. In today's time, it is both hlub and fwm. If you only fwm your husband, he will be very lonely. If you only love him, he will feel very disrespectful that you are putting him down or stepping all over him. Likewise, the concept goes both ways for the husband and wife. If not, you will have a weak relationship that may not last or sadly last.
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I happened upon this youtube video where a Hmong pastor was preaching to couples on Valentine's Day. Towards the end of the video, he said that men really wants a woman who 1) listens to him and does what he says, 2) doesn't speak ahead of her husband.
#1 is fine. Both need to listen to each other and do the things that the other person wants.
#2, though, I dunno. I think it doesn't matter who speaks first at all. But the pastor seems to imply that if the woman speaks first, it will make others disrespect her husband because it makes it seem like she is the head and not the husband. I think people who think that men should always speak first before their wives at events, have a backwards mentality because, again, it doesn't matter who speaks first. But, if one of the spouses fights to speak first all the time because of a sense of self-importance, that is super unattractive. When someone fights to speak first or doesn't give other people the chance to speak and weigh in, they probably have an ego issue. It doesn't matter who it is, anyone with an ego issue is unattractive. But the general idea that the pastor was trying to convey was that women should let their men speak first at events vs them (the women) speaking first. That's such a sexist and backwards mentality. I don't agree with that.
I don't think it is a matter of who speak first that determines who is the head of the family. I have seen my shares of women spoke before their husband because they are quicker to react to verbal conversations or confrontations . However, they still respect their husbands by referencing back to them. Plus because they spoke too quickly, they do not have the time to give thoughts to their words and did not have a positive impact that can be accepted by most people.
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sexual intercourse
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Anyway, what do you think?
What do men want from their women?
If men know what they want from their women, then there wouldn't be so many divorces and Hmong marrying a second or third wife. By the time they know what they want in a woman, then it is already too late because they are already deep in the marriage with her. That's because most men don't really know what they want until they are older. It is really a qi muag yuav. Man marry the woman whom he thought is the one that he wants because she has all of the qualities that he thought he wants. So until men reach a certain age where they start to really look inside them, know who they really are, and what they really want out of life, then it is just a dang she is hot, I gotta hit that thang mentality ;D.
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If men know what they want from their women, then there wouldn't be so many divorces and Hmong marrying a second or third wife. By the time they know what they want in a woman, then it is already too late because they are already deep in the marriage with her. That's because most men don't really know what they want until they are older. It is really a qi muag yuav. Man marry the woman whom he thought is the one that he wants because she has all of the qualities that he thought he wants. So until men reach a certain age where they start to really look inside them, know who they really are, and what they really want out of life, then it is just a dang she is hot, I gotta hit that thang mentality ;D.
Sounds about right. Could apply to women too.
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An old Hmong comedian said Hmong men don't have enough good eyes. His proof: well, a man spent two eyes looking for a wife but later still said he got the wrong one and saw a better one out there.
Okay, eyeglass or contact prescriptions will help, huh, Clould?
If men know what they want from their women, then there wouldn't be so many divorces and Hmong marrying a second or third wife. By the time they know what they want in a woman, then it is already too late because they are already deep in the marriage with her. That's because most men don't really know what they want until they are older. It is really a qi muag yuav. Man marry the woman whom he thought is the one that he wants because she has all of the qualities that he thought he wants. So until men reach a certain age where they start to really look inside them, know who they really are, and what they really want out of life, then it is just a dang she is hot, I gotta hit that thang mentality ;D.
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The men or women who actually know what they want when they were young, probably wanted someone much much older than they are. For example early twenties knowing and wanting someone in the late twenties or early thirties. Of course no one wants to baby sit a youngun trying to cultivate them for life. So it's a no go.
Then in current society those in their late twenties and early thirties, often are just as directionless as they were in their younger years. So it's a whole another mess. :idiot2:
People don't know what they want until they lost it, as it commonly goes. Those that know what they want, well are constantly searching for it. Cuz no one has what they want. :D
Even if a person just wants a nice simple life, the other person will want something complicated or find conflicts in life. If one person is very kind and helpful, they other person will simply take advantage of it. It's too rare to have an appreciative person who will in kind return such kindness in two folds.
So sometimes as it finally goes, let them be free! O0