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« on: December 24, 2013, 11:57:46 AM »
Final thoughts… Part 1
This December marked 4 years since my ex-wife walked out our door for the last time and our eventual divorce. It is an anniversary that I usually remember, but not an event that I tend to dwell upon, until this year. This year, the memories of the death of my first marriage were lingering at the forefront of my mind.
Maybe it’s because I saw my ex wife with her new husband for the first time this fall. Maybe it is because of my engagement to May and realizing how far I have come. Whatever the reason, it caused me to reflect on what I have learned in the past 4 years.
My ex-wife and I met in High School, when I was a junior and her, a senior. We only dated for few months and got married. I think on so many levels, even then, that we should have never gotten married, that things weren’t that great, but as the years passed, we grow comfortable in our ways.
Things were ok for awhile, and outwardly we seemed happy. We started a family, I had a stable job and she took care of things at home. Inside, however, things were crumbling. We kept trying to put the pieces back together, but every time we tried to hold firm, things only dissolved into another fight and argument, each cutting deeper than the last. Towards the end we barely spoke, each going to bed at different times, taking separate vacations and sleeping in separate rooms. Eventually, I got up the nerves to call it quits. She did not agree at first and blamed me for everything. But honestly, I think my decision to move on was the best thing that could have happen to the both of us.
So here I am, 4 years later, older and with a few gray hairs now, looking back at that time in my life and thinking to myself…
Was it painful, OMG, yes! It was probably the lowest point in my life! Was creating a new life scary? Terrifying to my core, for sure! Would I do it again? You bet, without a second thought. Staying in that relationship was killing us both. My life now is vastly different from what I thought it was supposed to be back then. I could never in a billion years have planned for my life to be the way it is now.
I had to let go and for me letting go meant letting go of people’s expectations about what my life should be. It was hard and it felt like everything I knew was falling apart, my world crumbled around me. Friends, relationships, and my roles in life, it was all gone. My only foundation in life was me, my values and beliefs… My one advice to you, know what’s important in your life and you can make the right choice, even when it’s hard.
LHG