PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => General Relationship => Topic started by: Believe_N_Me on March 09, 2024, 12:16:21 AM
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...men who are too helpful early on when there is not commitment because they are misleading a woman to believe she is in a serious relationship that will turn into marriage. Basically, what's happening is that he sees her as a good woman with assets that he can use, but he'll never marry. I've seen many divorcees/widowers and even older single women used this way by men. These women are good people, most likely inexperienced because they married young or weren't the type who had a lot of serious suitors. Therefore, they make perfect targets because they're the wifey type - cooks, cleans, has a decent job, is responsible, doesn't go clubbing or have a lot of wild friends, comes from a good family, etc.
Respectable men who do want a marital commitment do not approach or court a woman this way. They do not play house BEFORE marriage because they do not want to waste time, energy, or money. First of all, before they court a woman they already have in mind that she has all the characteristic s they want in a wife, but they just want to make sure that she feels the same way about him. If she does, then they marry her.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfW7xb2b_GQ (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfW7xb2b_GQ)
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Men whose been in one serious relationship after another have a different approach from those who have not. The former is more likely to be non-committal yet have higher expectations in the relationship. Whereas the latter is more committed but has less expectations in the relationship.
Relationship expert Suzanne Venker has a video on this. I'll try to find it and post the link.
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I posted the link in the thread about narcissism, but basically, these men have strong narcissistic traits if they aren't a flat out narcissist. They have a type that they're looking to make a primary grade A source of supply.
These women tend to be more traditional and homely.
If a narc has found this woman in his life, it's his dream come true. Unfortunately, a lot of Hmong men practicing polygamy have this person - it's the first wife, who won't leave even if she hates him. There is absolutely no love. Not even sex. She provides some sort of stability while he behaves selfishly.
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This is why a lot of older Hmong women choose to stay single after a divorce or their husband passes away:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6M3WjpifbI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6M3WjpifbI)
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I still strongly recommend knowing someone's relationship history. I don't hold divorce against people (unless they were the one who sabotaged the marriage) as I still see them as someone who can commit and just needs someone who can appreciate them and is more compatible.
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Everyone is different and deserves a personal evaluation, or given the benefit of doubt. You might just scare the good ones away, if they remind you of bad experiences or exhibit similar traits..I.E someone who teases you, jokes to you. They might appear to be unmindful, not serious...but maybe intensity or intimacy isn't their style. Then there are those who isn't very good at friendly teasing, jokes, but they are good at love bombing..lols either style can have good or bad intentions. it's really about which style you prefer. the good or bad intentions is something you're going have to risk. but usually the smallest cues will tell you. otherwise, hire a professional spy/stalker to do the work...lols
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You can't scare away a good person if you're a person of integrity.
Toxic people will remove themselves when they realize that you can't be manipulated by them.
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I forgot to add that at the end of it all, despite all their flaws, DO YOU BELIEVE that they want a life with you and are taking action to protect the relationship? If you don't sense or see that they care whether or not you're a part of their life, then their flaws will seem magnified to you and the relationship is going to end because you're the one who will walk away.
However, be careful of why they want you in their life. If they are a narcissist or have strong narcissistic traits, then they only keep you around because you are supplying something they need. Maybe you give them consistency and stability. They know you're always going to be there when they mess up their personal life, finances, relationships, friendships, etc. Your positive energy is a distraction from the stress going on in their life. You are their forever placeholder until they find their one OR they might even keep you in their orbit after committing to someone else because they need something from you that they can't get from the other person. This type of person is toxic and you should cut them out of your life permanently.
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You can't scare away a good person if you're a person of integrity.
Toxic people will remove themselves when they realize that you can't be manipulated by them.
oh yeah..I honestly didn''t know what I was talking about. lols
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I forgot to add that at the end of it all, despite all their flaws, DO YOU BELIEVE that they want a life with you and are taking action to protect the relationship? If you don't sense or see that they care whether or not you're a part of their life, then their flaws will seem magnified to you and the relationship is going to end because you're the one who will walk away.
However, be careful of why they want you in their life. If they are a narcissist or have strong narcissistic traits, then they only keep you around because you are supplying something they need. Maybe you give them consistency and stability. They know you're always going to be there when they mess up their personal life, finances, relationships, friendships, etc. Your positive energy is a distraction from the stress going on in their life. You are their forever placeholder until they find their one OR they might even keep you in their orbit after committing to someone else because they need something from you that they can't get from the other person. This type of person is toxic and you should cut them out of your life permanently.
you got to have mob mentality. If you can't see someone taking a bullet for you or giving their life for yours, then it's likely not true love or true friendship. Haha.
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O0 ;D
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Good luck to folks that are looking and may love comes your way. Relationship these days seem like a headache.
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Good luck to folks that are looking and may love comes your way. Relationship these days seem like a headache.
I haven't heard of a success story yet. It all seems so bleak to me. Now I know why a lot of older singles end up in situationships that make them feel jaded.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0qjFv6N1C8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0qjFv6N1C8)
A man who doesn't show consistent energy is too broken. He is incapable of giving you peace and the love that you deserve.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0qjFv6N1C8 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0qjFv6N1C8)
A man who doesn't show consistent energy is too broken. He is incapable of giving you peace and the love that you deserve.
What if he is just a sigma and not a avoidant? ;D
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What if he is just a sigma and not a avoidant? ;D
True. He could just be a lone wolf and not a broken dismissive avoidant. This is why it's so important to know a man's relationship history because that will help determine which one he is. If he has a history of long-term girlfriends that turned toxic then he is a dismissive avoidant. Dismissive avoidant is nothing but a headache and will waste your life. Basically players and what Jonathan Aslay calls "spenders". Men who do want to spend time and perform all the duties of a committed relationship without the real commitment because they always have one foot out the door. These guys are the worst of them all so is it any surprise that they have a list of angry exes?
On the flip side, lone wolves are those who keep it really casual. They date for social reasons and their intentions are clear. No misleading, deception or manipulation.