PebHmong Discussion Forum
Creative Corner => Online Journal => Topic started by: WildHen on August 31, 2011, 08:57:29 PM
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Depressing... when you open up your paycheck and a chunk of your income is taken out for taxes... >:(
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I like the ability to just get up and go... Not necessarily "living on the edge" but enough to satisfy my needs...
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I always wanted to marry a Hmong guy. It was just a basic assumption... something automatic... I want to believe I did everything right so that my automatic destination could be achieved... By the time I was 8-9 I could pluck a chicken, steam rice, & make sum mean pepper... how much more did I need to prepare to become a Hmong wife...
Haha... in reflection, I was so wrong... Maybe my destiny isn't so automatic 8)
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It's really amazing how I'm so easily satisfied. I realize I'm pretty low key & prefer to be in the background. I'm ok with being a Scottie Pippen & not necessarily MJ. :P I can handle that some folks just can't ... eh....
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As much as I miss the younger years ... life is lookin pretty good atm...
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Way ready for some football... need them Fantasy points... 8)
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... its like i lost you even though i knew i never had you...
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I don't know how or why my wondering mind found you last night. Just when I thought I had already taken you out with the rest of the trash you managed to avoid being completely taken out. It wasn't always bad, in fact for the most part it was a positive learning experience. Its amazing how the mind and soul can and will succumb to decisions that need to made. What seems impossible becomes possible. What seems out of the ordinary because ordinary.
The honest truth is it wasn't really about when it was me or you... instead it was when it became just me and just you. Not really odd how small the world really is. That one fateful day when I just happened to be there on one a day that must have been really tough for you. The loss you suffered was indeed sad, however it was almost as if I was invading your space. As much as I was an outsider, I hoped you knew that I still cared was glad that you had found a better place and maybe even a better love.
While my mind may wonder, I hope things are going well for you. I wonder if you still believe that I single handily saved your life, that a written note on scrap paper had much of an influence... Even then as you utter those words to me, it was hard for me to believe because I was just a girl trying to prove my love for someone who I cared about... best wishes mog... mus zoo koj os...
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It almost like a secret love affair... not sure if that's really a good thing... :P
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It's a little sad that I can't name them all... only faint memories and shadowed images that drift back every now and then...
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You could never tell on the outside but I've also been a closeted, hopeless romantic... my early years were filled with romance novels that surrounded me with rugged men who rescued strong willed women to jaded men who were eventually saved by women who could see beyond their physical scars... my own "love story" was and probably will never be as eventful as any of those romance novels... in fact, for the most part, love in my own language was and still is....simple and uncomplicated. ...
Though I learned at an early age that you have control over writing your own love story... it sure does help when the leading male character is tall, dark, and handsome; and of course, possesses all the other "personality" qualities that we all yearn for... while not all my male leads fit the description described, they sure did add conflict to the plot and thickened the mystery of the outcome... while my love story is no where near its climax ;D I sure am noting details to add to my so called love story...
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...I wish this would already be over with...
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And then came the day I had to leave. With a heavy heart and almost unconvinced mind, I had concluded that it was all made up. The times of laughter and bliss was just a cover up for what was really taking place. While I was supposedly happy watching you regret the decisions u made with her, I played the cheerleader, who tried to make u believe it was not u nor her. Instead, I tried to make it bout me...
Me n how great we were be together... Me n how great we meshed... Me n how great ur family embraced me... or so I thought...
That day came n went... I thought it would be harder than it was... too see the blank reaction on your face... just made it easier for me to walk out of your life...
Not too long along, I heard u asked how I was doing... I'm doing well :) n hope only the same for u...
With u... I ultimately realized I'm not much of a cheerleader n prefer to play in the game...
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and then there was you... :-*
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Dear You,
It's been a long time since I've written a letter. I hope this letter finds you in good health and in high spirits. How are things coming along? I know from the last time we talked, you life was pretty eventful. I hope your parents finally came to an understanding and that you are safe as you are out there fighting the bad guys.
Isn't it kinda funny how we have arrived at this moment? Who would have thought that the idea of having no control over what we consider "fate", is actually something that you and I could have and probably should have controlled. I'm not sure if I'm over analyzing what could never be or if I'm just dwelling over missed opportunities. I don't question you, however I question myself, my motivations, and maybe my inability to just throw it all out there.
I wonder how you really feel. It seems you always put a front so that you can ensure my peace of mind but I'm really starting to wonder how you do it. As selfish as I am, I don't think I'd be able to do it. Hear me out... My intention isn't for you to be or act that way. In fact, I appreciate your constant support but would hate for you just to put an act for my sake
Then again, I'm probably just over analyzing... making me seem more important than I really am... you're really good... stay good... seceip ot uoy ssim... Let me know how things are... I'll wait patiently for you to write back.
Hlub,
Me
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... lights will guide you home... and I will try to fix you...
Even though the truth is you did most of the fixing... thank you for making be believe that there are good people like you that exist. I am forever indebted to your kindness, your sense of warmth, and your undying passion for life... You do encompass the idea of home... where everything that is always safe and secure...
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I don't give you enough credit... and I will take ownership in that... I don't know if its because I always believed that I could fend for myself or if its the fact that you are too good to be true... the truth is... it wasn't suppose to be like this... this was never written in the cards nor was it ever suppose to work out the way it has...
There were so many opportunities to run, to walk out and never have to tell a soul... but yet instead... here I am... almost at a lost at what it has become...
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Through it all, you stood beside me and passed no judgement. Even when there seemed to be doubt written all over your face, you allowed me to make my own decisions without holding any grudges or hate. So many moments come flashing back as I sit here and remember all the good and crazy times we had.
Ahaha... Remember that one time when.... lol... yah... I remember too... ;D My interpretation is always so much different from yours but I am so damm lucky to call you my friend... what we thought was once so important seems so small now... you make me a better person overall and for that, I am forever grateful for you.
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Time does fly by... how fortunate I have been to be a part of your life... only you have been able to look beyond my flaws and disabilities.. . so little words and phrases to describe how much you mean to me... yet there is such a strong tie to you...
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You were the last person I expected to come back... how easy it was to push you back... now I remember I was it was and even question myself on how it could have been... thank you for making me feel young and alive again... :D
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Life ... Please be good to me ...
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and im running and running... and i still feel like im standing still... with so little time... it feels as if im on pause... with no time to breathe...
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Dear You,
It's been a while since you've gotten back to me. How are you doing? I hope things are going smoothly for you and your family. It's kinda crazy that we have reached this point. I didn't realize we even had a real "point" until now. I guess its the thoughts that start to linger when I have a free moment. I can't help but wonder what you are up to.
It's that time of the year again. I remember this season being your favorite. It must be the changing of the leaves or the crisp air that draws you. Either way, I hope you are warmly bundled and safe from all the hectic ways of life.
I look forward to hearing from you soon my friend. Until then, may life bless you.
Always,
Me
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It was if I still owed you something... and that was the part that I didn't understand... I was led to believe that it was all done and taken care of... so for you to once again pop back in and act as if you had any part of me... was far beyond my comprehension. ..
There was so many opportunities for you to make me believe that you actually gave a damm... I set you up for so many moments that would make you seem like you were actually genuine, however you either would too dumb to bite or you just didn't give a fawwk... either way... it's kinda funny that years later... this is how it has to be...
So don't waste your wishes on me... I'll save you your wishes and direct us to move on... and thanks for the lessons learned...
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Another year has basically come and gone... good times in 2011... but better times to come in 2012... :)
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Yes! Playing head to head... The battle has begun... :) how I literally live for the weekends...
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I do care... I care immensely... it was like you were the best kept secret... and I was just lucky to find you... :)
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Damm... I'm happy... Plain and simple... I'm trying to sit here and write about my sadness and sorrows however atm I don't have any... Life is rockin' ;)
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Although I may not show it all the time, I am so happy to start this new chapter in our lives... I have always loved you from the git go... You complete me in so many ways...
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Day 4.... and life continues to be good... ahhh.... now the countdown really begins... :D
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Maybe it was because I shared so many hopes and desires with u... It seems as if things have finally come full circle... though we r in such different places now... I still have so much respect for u... I carry all the kind things u have ever said to me... and wish u will one day see... what I saw... be safe mog... hbtm...
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I cant seem to shake off this feeling. I end up day dreaming and rewindin back everything. So much I wish... I wish I could tell u...
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You may ultimately be my weakness... how hard it really is to fall asleep and wonder how your doing... how difficult it is to wonder if I ever crossed your mind... how hard it is to know what never could be... may we one day cross paths again...
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I'm happy... looking forward to us... :)
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And with all my might, I shall continue...
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I did... I do... I always will...
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Solitude sure is nice :)
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Like Fiona and Shrek... but better ;)
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Summer stay with me....
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Damm!!
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It is minor but I do want it so bad... May the Gods be on my side ???
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Who would have known that the choices I made from yesteryears would have lead me to this... I sit back and reflect only to fully realize that the materialistic things that use to drive me no longer play a role... Instead, the hollows that I use to feel are now surrounded by love and laughter... 2012 has been good to me... ;)
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This is only the start of great things to come... To finally be here... Now it is only a matter of time....
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My sense of purpose lies with you.
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2013... A fresh new beginning... With much more love & laughter to come... 8)
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Doing the HAPPY DANCE!! :D
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I just thought we would be together... forever... :-X