PebHmong Discussion Forum
General Category => General Discussion => Topic started by: lilly on June 26, 2019, 04:24:59 PM
-
PHers, what are your thoughts on this Hmong thinking and/or value where "if you help me in my time of need, I will return the favor and help you in your time of need"?
-
Depends if they are FRAUDs and EPIC FAILs or not as their words are as worthless as they are...
Meaning they'll lie and tuck and run...
-
It's not just the hmong way but similar to this values, "Do onto others as you would have them done onto you" or "you reap what you sow"...
-
I had a conversation with a Hmong person not too long ago and this person told me that while they appreciate other people helping them out in their time of need, they resent that those same people that helped them out "expect" them to return the favor when they need help.
Personally, I love this part about our culture where we help each other out. It's just sort of an unspoken rule that we shouldn't expect others to help us out if we didn't go and help them out in the past. For many of us, we were taught to help out kwv tij neej tsa (our relatives). I just thought it was a given that everyone understood this and valued this about our culture. But I have been learning more and more that some people, especially the more modernized and Americanized Hmong people, do not like to feel obligated to help out their relatives. However, they will not say no when their relatives help them out either. They will gladly take the help but when it's time for them to return the favor, they feel resentment and ask "why do these people expect us to go and help out?"
I think this Hmong way of helping each other out is due to our way of life and our animalistic/shamanistic religion. When we hu plig or ua neeb, we sacrifice animals to our ancestors. When we sacrifice animals, we like to butcher the animals and make a feast out of the animals. When we make a feast, we need all hands on deck and in the kitchen to help prepare the feast. A family only has so many hands to do everything, so we rely on our relatives to help us butcher the animals and help us cook the meals. Then when our relatives hu plig or ua neeb, we go and help them cook also.
I feel that eventually this Hmong way of life (helping each other out) will disappear because as the elders pass on, the younger generations will no longer hu plig or ua neeb. And when they do throw parties (graduation parties, birthday parties, etc) the younger generations will likely just cater the food. But for now anyway, I still value the Hmong way of helping each other out.
(I don't know why a person would feel resentment at helping someone who's helped them out in the past. This kind of thinking just doesn't make sense to me. Yog tsis muaj kev sib pab ces lub neej yuav tu siab heev. It's nice to help those that have helped you out in the past. If someone helps you out and you feel like you don't want to help them then, eventually, when you throw a party no one will show up. How lonely will that be?)
-
Lilly, cov koj hais kos yog cov neeg tsis txawj xav xwb os. Yog lawv txawj xav lawv yeej paub ua tsaug thaum ntsib kev pab. Also, when others help you and you don't return the favor, after once or twice people will be less likely to extend their help because they know that pab los nkig lub zog xwb.
So, yes do onto others as you would have them do onto you.
Now when it comes kwvtij or your family, well, you can't divorce your family/kwvtij. There will always be some kwvtij that don't help anyone but when they are in need, they come running and after they get the help, they go back to their cave again. We shouldn't live like that. It's not right. People need to help each other.
-
Hate to say it but the rule is very simple as you point it out. You help me, I help you... If you don't expect a helping hand why bother helping someone out? People need to stop preaching that's wrong to expect favors. We all expect favors. :knuppel2:
Those that do not want to be obligated. They shouldn't expect any aid.
-
The Hmong Way: You Help me, I Help You
Perhaps may have been misunderstood or misrepresented by those who have decided to use this to their own advantage as in an I Owe You contract. Originally, if I may be so bold to say, that the Hmong Way was a humanitarian way. I Help You when I have charity and a means to. You Help Me, when you have the charity and means to. We know as it goes that some people are more capable of helping, while others are in need of more help. It is not always an equal trade. There may have been times where the marker has been called and the need for help is great. Help Me Now, in my time of need. I will Help You on my word in your time of need. I have made that obligatory contract on my word. I will never make that obligation chain onto you. That is where it has been misrepresented . I will not force you to help me when I need help. I am asking for your charity, if you, the person I am asking, don't have it you don't. Now if you're just unwilling when you have the means to, well that goes that you may be a stingy and selfish person.
-
call me if you need help butchering cows and pigs
im pretty good
-
PHers, what are your thoughts on this Hmong thinking and/or value where "if you help me in my time of need, I will return the favor and help you in your time of need"?
this value is what kept us alive, through out history. it is one of the most essential aspect of our culture and our identity, as hmong.
"koj pab kuv, kuv pab koj" derived from manual labor of farming...the time of planting and harvesting...s ib pauv zog.
it does not necessary apply to cultural events like hu plig, ua neeb, weddings and/or dab qhua except maybe for the slaughtering of animals. it is inapplicable because one would need to go thov, pe and even reimburse the person performing such rituals (either with money or meat). if one is not skilled or unfamiliar of the rituals, they're not expected to return the favor (koj pab kuv, kuv pab tsis tau koj...per se)
now it isn't widely accepted because, we're no longer laboring..it's about borrowing and loaning nowadays.
-
i try to help out and don't expect anything in return. in my time of needs, those that help, great. those that don't, it's okay. i don't hold anything towards them.
-
People will help you out, but if you don't return the favor, they eventually stop helping you, so.. your choice, but the consequences are the result.
-
this value is what kept us alive, through out history. it is one of the most essential aspect of our culture and our identity, as hmong.
"koj pab kuv, kuv pab koj" derived from manual labor of farming...the time of planting and harvesting...s ib pauv zog.
it does not necessary apply to cultural events like hu plig, ua neeb, weddings and/or dab qhua except maybe for the slaughtering of animals. it is inapplicable because one would need to go thov, pe and even reimburse the person performing such rituals (either with money or meat). if one is not skilled or unfamiliar of the rituals, they're not expected to return the favor (koj pab kuv, kuv pab tsis tau koj...per se)
now it isn't widely accepted because, we're no longer laboring..it's about borrowing and loaning nowadays.
Yes, koj hais yog kawg. O0 Hmoob txoj kev sib pab derived from exchanges of manual labor needed for farming (sib pauv zog ua teb). In America there's not much sib pauv zog ua teb, but more sib pab show up to each other's events (the more people at an event the more warm and lively it is) and sib pab help cook big meals.