PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => Marriage & Family Life => Topic started by: Rebel on February 24, 2020, 03:08:19 PM
-
I know in our culture it's wrong to cut yourself off from a parent but what if one or both of your parents are toxic?
All my sister in laws/relatives tells me that I am a patient person to be able to deal with them... but at the age I am, there are things i can no longer tolerate and rather not associate myself with them... Feels like a horrible person for saying this, but it's the truth and I'm tired of putting up with their shit... I'm tired of trying to set healthy boundaries, sick of their gossips... seems like they're ungrateful and have no respect and always make me to be the bad guy...
I've considered moving away and having minimal contact with them bc it feels like torture having to deal with this all the time... btw, they've moved in with me almost a year now.
An example, I keep some personal valuables in my home...told my mom where I put them in case something happens...and where the key is in case there's a fire or something. I left out with friends one night and my mom went through all my personal stuff... when I clearly told her not to touch my shit. She snoops through and keeps tabs on all my stuff... which is none of her business... she does a lot of sneaky shit like that... and tell people my business... she can't take constructive criticism very well which annoys me bc you can't say anything to her without her being pissed and threatening me for it... when I tell her that I don't appreiacte her going through my things and to have respect for my properties... she'll say some dumb things to me like... it's not like I'm stealing it or taking it from you...and give me Attitudes over it...things like that just annoys me further..
It's eating into my own sanity so how do you handle this?
-
Give us more examples...
So far, one and Hmong parents do that sometimes... so patients young man...
-
The things with some elders is that they never grow the eff up. They lay an egg and will always see you as that egg but reality has it that you already bloomed into a chicken that showers your private parts daily.
It is this entitlement that is bothering you. There is no ground of your property because what is yours is theirs first. They failed to see that you are not their little princess anymore and thus controls you at all cost.
You should consider moving out and let your other siblings to tell your own folks to why you wanted to move out on grounds that they do not respect you as a grown individual. I'm not saying that you doing this will teach them a lesson but if it must then do it cuz this is the western world where we have unspoken rules and culture shock for all to learn.
I feel you on this. My dad opens up all my mails. It bugs the chit out of me. Opening someone's mail is a violation of my privacy act. However, I gotten used to it cuz well, it may not be his choice to do thus cuz the guy has alzheimers. Even if he reads my letters, I wonder if he even knows what is going on. What am I suppose to do? Scold the poor guy and then what? He is a ticking time bomb and waiting to die. You don't want to strike a person and the next day they might die.
My situation is different than yours but the underlying statement here is for us to understand the nature of the situation. What is it that we can do without? While some are offended, others do wishes that they even have a set of parents who are that nosy. You are lucky to have parents that are still caring. Besides, what you have of that importance that you must hide? Are you famous? You a nasty freak? The fact that you told them your "stash" is your mistake. A secret, no one should know. If you tell, they look at it, I'm favoring your parents here.
-
You started here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9selPW2lL-M (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9selPW2lL-M)
You are now here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1wjvP-raOI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1wjvP-raOI)
I know in our culture it's wrong to cut yourself off from a parent but what if one or both of your parents are toxic?
All my sister in laws/relatives tells me that I am a patient person to be able to deal with them... but at the age I am, there are things i can no longer tolerate and rather not associate myself with them... Feels like a horrible person for saying this, but it's the truth and I'm tired of putting up with their shit... I'm tired of trying to set healthy boundaries, sick of their gossips... seems like they're ungrateful and have no respect and always make me to be the bad guy...
I've considered moving away and having minimal contact with them bc it feels like torture having to deal with this all the time... btw, they've moved in with me almost a year now.
An example, I keep some personal valuables in my home...told my mom where I put them in case something happens...and where the key is in case there's a fire or something. I left out with friends one night and my mom went through all my personal stuff... when I clearly told her not to touch my shit. She snoops through and keeps tabs on all my stuff... which is none of her business... she does a lot of sneaky shit like that... and tell people my business... she can't take constructive criticism very well which annoys me bc you can't say anything to her without her being pissed and threatening me for it... when I tell her that I don't appreiacte her going through my things and to have respect for my properties... she'll say some dumb things to me like... it's not like I'm stealing it or taking it from you...and give me Attitudes over it...things like that just annoys me further..
It's eating into my own sanity so how do you handle this?
-
Continue to be patient with your parents no matter what. Once they're gone they're gone. I still wish I still have someone to annoy me, push me off the walls, pull my hair our, stress me until my hair turn gray.
-
Joy is right of course. People are not perfect and our parents have their own way of doing things. As long as they love you and are not intentionally doing things to harm you, patience should be exercise, as time with them is limited. If it is driving you crazy, then take a break and move away for a little (time and space to get your thoughts together).
From your examples, your parents sound like any other parents. Learn from your mistake. Get a safe/lock and don't give the access to those you wouldn't want accessing it. Some people can't help themselves.
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1wjvP-raOI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1wjvP-raOI)
Joy is right of course. People are not perfect and our parents have their own way of doing things. As long as they love you and are not intentionally doing things to harm you, patience should be exercise, as time with them is limited. If it is driving you crazy, then take a break and move away for a little (time and space to get your thoughts together).
From your examples, your parents sound like any other parents. Learn from your mistake. Get a safe/lock and don't give the access to those you wouldn't want accessing it. Some people can't help themselves.
-
Btw, you're a great daughter. Keep reminding your mom what she does that drives you crazy. Find time to get away for your sanity. Get a 2nd job. Have ur siblings help with the burden. Go on vaca. Get therapy. Keep pushing.
-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1wjvP-raOI (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1wjvP-raOI)
Btw, you're a great daughter. Keep reminding your mom what she does that drives you crazy. Find time to get away for your sanity. Get a 2nd job. Have ur siblings help with the burden. Go on vaca. Get therapy. Keep pushing.
-
I did not get the video.
-
She's grown. It is time for her to leave.
I did not get the video.
-
She's grown. It is time for her to leave.
Some people dont have that option even if they wanted to.
-
hey OP
it not just you
lots of old hmong folks get grumpy as they aged
you just need to YELL back harder and louder
show who is the boss in the house
i will even go as far as to say, IF THEY DON"T STOP, I'M GOING PUT THEM IN A HOSPICE CARE
also don't forget to loved them O0 O0
-
Yeah I am experiencing this at the moment as well. I'm living with my dad and step mom and life is such a pain in the ass. Whenever my step mom is home, she calls her people and rub things in my face. Life is tough and I have no hope in being loved by my dad and step mom.
-
hey OP
it not just you
lots of old hmong folks get grumpy as they aged
you just need to YELL back harder and louder
show who is the boss in the house
i will even go as far as to say, IF THEY DON"T STOP, I'M GOING PUT THEM IN A HOSPICE CARE
also don't forget to loved them O0 O0
Says the guy that lives in his "mommy's basement" and just play COD 24/7 with zero contribution to the household.. ;D ;D ;D
-
Oh it's easy...I just up and went = had amnesia. Don't know anyone after that. :D
Cannot help it, it was beyond my ability.
-
Says the guy that lives in his "mommy's basement" and just play COD 24/7 with zero contribution to the household.. ;D ;D ;D
I'm not a hmgRock fan or anything but a Hmong guy living with his parents isn't actually anything to criticize in our culture.
Now a Hmong man who abandoned his dad to rot in Laos is considered scum and cursed.
Is that why you spend your life 24/7 on ph and then send out warnings to ban users when they call you out? :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
The thing is, even if PH banned me I'm not on here enough for it to be noticed or for me to even care. :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
BUT DAMN, WHERE WOULD YOU GO IF YOU WERE BANNED? :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
It's obvious you don't want to go home to your wife. puahahahahahah ahahahahahahah a!!!!!! :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
-
I'm not a hmgRock fan or anything but a Hmong guy living with his parents isn't actually anything to criticize in our culture.
Not sure what "culture" you're referring to but your pal, hmgRock already said you're "white" washed and he's also your fellow member of your ignorant narrow minded clique:
http://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,400365.msg4964394.html#msg4964394 (http://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,400365.msg4964394.html#msg4964394)
when your skins turn white
you still hmong
you coming along with us back to LAOS
http://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,395461.msg4931952.html#msg4931952 (http://www.pebhmong.com/forum/index.php/topic,395461.msg4931952.html#msg4931952)
if you won
why are you still soo madd?
:-\ :-\ :-\ :-\
LOVE IT!!! ;D ;D ;D
Now a Hmong man who abandoned his dad to rot in Laos is considered scum and cursed.
Is that why you spend your life 24/7 on ph and then send out warnings to ban users when they call you out? :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
The thing is, even if PH banned me I'm not on here enough for it to be noticed or for me to even care. :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
BUT DAMN, WHERE WOULD YOU GO IF YOU WERE BANNED? :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
It's obvious you don't want to go home to your wife. puahahahahahah ahahahahahahah a!!!!!! :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny: :2funny:
And this is why you're the PH Village HYPOCRITE Troll with zero integrity and credibility..S till the same LOSER that "make things up" like other PH members have put it.. ;D ;D ;D
NOT surprised you kicked your own mother to the curb even though she gave you the "world" and what do you have to show for it?? NOTHING as you're "flat broke"..KARMA'S A B!TCH!!! ;D ;D ;D
And YEP, your "rescind" request is still DENIED!!! And I don't care how much you threaten or PM me...I will NOT change my mind until you do what's needed..
AND OH, SO MUCH FOR CRYING.. "I will stop reading what you write"..boo hoo hoo...
The HYPOCRITE's words are as worthless as her so WATCH as she crawl back to prove me right again!!! O0 O0 O0
-
Actually all I need is a restraining order to be put into effect... :D
Then again, amnesia....for gotten about it.
-
Y'all advices are bunch of baloney. The number reason why the Hmong people don't have a country is because of siab ntev yog ib cov lus quav dev. ;D :idiot2:
Hmong culture is so backward = parents hog everything so that their offspring die sacrificing instead of giving blessing and giving valuable $$$$ as legacy. No wonder the Chinese people took our land from us very easily so that our ancestors had to travel down to Laos and Vietnam. Even our parents can't even fight back. A bunch of weakling beget a bunch of weakling. :2funny: