PebHmong Discussion Forum
Relationship => Marriage & Family Life => Topic started by: theking on April 09, 2025, 11:55:41 PM
-
Woman Knew She Was 'in Trouble' After 8-Hour Long First Date with Partner. Why She's Vowed to Never Marry Him
In honor of her six year anniversary in March, Emmaline Childs offered her 278,800 TikTok followers a glimpse into her "non-traditional" relationship dynamic
After divorcing her ex-husband, Emmaline Childs realized she did not want to get married again. Luckily, her current partner Mike feels the same aversion to marriage.
Six years into their relationship, the couple remains completely uninterested in bringing "pen and paper" into their romance.
In a now-viral video Childs shared on TikTok, she explained that they also haven't moved in together, and they probably won't take that step for a few more years, despite the 40-minute commute between their residences.
Emmaline Childs and her partner, Mike, have shared a happy life together for the past six years, but there is a limit to how much they share. They don't have joint bank accounts. They don't live together. There isn't a marriage document with both of their names on it — and there never will be.
Childs and Mike may eventually merge finances and move in together, but for the time being, they feel completely committed to their relationship. They live 40 minutes apart, on opposite sides of the Twin Cities area of Minnesota, but they make it work by planning out days-long stays at each other's residences.
"We kind of treat each other's homes very openly," Childs tells PEOPLE exclusively. "We each have keys to each other's places, and it's as though we're roommates, but we aren't."
In honor of their six-year anniversary, the content creator, 41, explained her "non-traditional" relationship dynamic to her 278,800 TikTok followers. As she shared in the video, she met Mike on Hinge after her divorce, while she was just dating to have fun, new experiences and meet people.
"Our first date lasted eight hours, and I knew immediately I was in trouble. I truly was not seeking a relationship, but I was falling quickly for this man," Childs told the camera. "I was very clear up front that I did not want to get married. I still now, six years later, have no desire to get married."
Speaking to PEOPLE, Childs says her relationship explanation post broke from her usual content, which varies between relatable, funny and inspirational videos. She doesn't typically share about her personal life, rarely mentioning Mike or her 13-year-old daughter. Her hope was that the video might reach an audience of like-minded people who might be seeking a similar romantic dynamic.
"It could inspire someone to feel like, 'Okay, maybe I could do it that way and life would be okay if I did it that way,'" says Childs. "I know that it's different than what a lot of people do or what a lot of people's goals are, but it's not unheard of."
The video reached an audience over three times the size of her following, including some skeptical viewers, who questioned whether or not their relationship actually fit Childs' description.
"I don’t understand the [non-traditional] part? You’re a boyfriend and girlfriend that doesn’t live together, which is normal for a boyfriend and girlfriend, no? This just seems normal to me," read one comment.
Childs emphasizes that she wasn't calling her situation weird or unprecedented; the phrase she used was non-traditional. "So it's not the traditional, 'We want to get married, we want to move in right away,'" she tells PEOPLE. However, instead of taking offense, the creator was actually glad to see people normalize her relationship style.
The less-than-effusive feedback really only pricked a nerve when people attempted to label their dynamic. "So it's just dating? That's not marriage," a TikTok user wrote. Another echoed the sentiment, replying, "So it’s called a boyfriend."
While she and Mike don't let rings and documents define their status, specific labels have been a helpful way to mark their growth and commitment to each other. In a more traditional relationship, Childs explains, titles often progress from girlfriend and boyfriend to fiancés, then husband and wife.
"You have these milestones that label your relationship, and ours was much more fluid," she explains. "For the first year or so, I'd say we were dating, and then we really made that decision: we're in this ... we want to just be in a long-term relationship. And that's when I flipped and started using the word partner versus boyfriend."
However, the couple took marriage off the table early on, well before they started using the term "partner." Childs says she was "really upfront" about her expectations when they got together. Her aversion to marriage is something she recognized as she was divorcing her ex-husband, whom she married at age 25.
"It's fun and exciting when you get married, go sign all the papers and then you spend years building up this life together — the shared bank accounts and mortgages and all these things," adds Childs, who welcomed a now-13-year-old daughter with her ex. "Undoing all of that, I realized, 'Why do I have to sign paperwork to break up with someone? Why do I have to go to a court to decide what's already a very amicable experience?'"
Mike was also previously married, and they were naturally aligned on the marriage front from the start.
"We were both divorced coming into this relationship, knowing what a relationship on paper is, and then we knew that just wasn't for us," she notes. "As the years went on, it continued to be that way. I know for a lot of people it sometimes evolves differently and we both still feel very strongly that we don't ... need to bring pen and paper into it."
Nor does she need any bling to signify her love: "I have zero desire to wear a ring. I know they're beautiful, but ... I don't need a physical manifestation of my relationship. The relationship itself is enough for me," says Childs.
A wedding isn't in their future, but a joint living space is a likely step for them to take a few years down the line, probably when Childs' daughter moves out of the house, she says. For now, she admits "it's a challenge" living in neighborhoods 40 minutes apart. While they enjoy living separately, they're not as able to schedule casual dates. When they do get together, it's usually part of a longer-held plan to stay at each other's places for a few nights.
The distance doesn't cause tension, though Childs says plenty of people have asked if she's insecure about what he may or may not be doing when they're not together. She's actually quite secure about their time apart, and they communicate regularly throughout the week.
"If we have weird schedules and we don't see each other for a week or a week and a half, I really do miss him," she tells PEOPLE. "That does get hard, but it just makes it that much better when we do get to have the time together."
She and Mike have established a dynamic that allows them to feel confident about their relationship despite the distance. They even have a system for watching television together, designating specific "together shows" and "apart shows" based on how long both partners agree to wait to watch.
"For example, the new Handmaid's Tale is coming out. He watches it, but I was like, 'No, I'm not waiting for you. I'm watching it the day it comes out. We're doing that separate,'" Childs explains. "[For together shows] it's not like I watch a show at my house and he watches a show at his house. It's like when we're together, we pick back up on a show. We're watching Severance and New Girl together right now."
Childs admits she's aware of the financial advantage they're missing out on while living in their own houses, but they're both willing to wait. For the time being, the pair is content enough not to "stir anything up."
"It's kind of a huge waste of money to be in a relationship and spending so much separate money," she says, "We can combine our resources and maybe find our dream home at some point, but we're just really enjoying how things are right now."
-
If they had goals like someone's in college or something,
I'd understand the need for the distance. But if they
are already capable of living and are just living to
see how time plays out between them, then I feel they
just want an open relationship so that they can keep
exploring on the side.
That's not a healthy relationship. Trust me on this.
When they finally decide to move in together, they'll
move out from each other quickly.
-
I see an unhealed woman who thinks that she can strategize her way to getting her needs met without the obligations of a real commitment. What she has is a situationship and not a relationship.
It's silly for people to believe that they won't feel hurt or broken when the situationship ends. Situationships that involve playing house leave people more broken and traumatized than a divorce. If she thought that her divorce was debilitating, just wait until the situationship ends.
It always amazes me how much a divorced woman will put up with her situationship partner than with her ex-husband. ::) When the partner cheats or doesn't meet her emotional needs and expectations, he gets to use the excuse "but we're not married". She accepts it because she doesn't want to lose him even though it's causing her a lot of emotional brain trauma. :idiot2:
But who knows...maybe she's the narcissist who is totally using the situationship guy. There are men with very low self-worth that will agree to this. It's not just players and manipulators who love this kind of arrangement.
I'm old-fashion. I believe that if you're having consistent sex with someone then it's because you want to marry them. Although it would be better not to have pre-marital sex. If marriage isn't the goal, then close the legs. You can enjoy movies, dinner, shared activities and companionship without the sex. O0
It's her heart and not mine. It will make a great cautionary tale on Youtube someday. ;D
-
That's not a healthy relationship. Trust me on this.
When they finally decide to move in together, they'll
move out from each other quickly.
It may not be "healthy" for some but it is for others so it really depends on the participants involved.
-
It's silly for people to believe that they won't feel hurt or broken when the situationship ends.
It's not for some as they even celebrate it.