Confession:
Forgive me for I have sinned. I have had un-cleaned thoughts. I have had thoughts of taking other people’s money and bringing misery and sadness to them. I have thoughts of letting go of my principles and not being able to bring joy and happiness to all those that I meet. I have had a temporary lapse in being able to control my thoughts and my actions. I have let go of my responsibiliti es of my very well oiled machine in discipline and thoughts. For a couple weeks, I gave in to temptations. I took time away from the responsibiliti es of my duty to my family and work. In my temptations, I have had to hide the truth at times of where my about or intention.
It all started a couple of weeks ago when against my better judgment, and I went to friendly home poker game where I cleaned everyone out. I have known for a long time now that I do not ever want to gamble for all the reasons above and more. But after doing so well, I thought I might have gained my control and discipline back and wanted to test it at the casino. So I went and did poorly, then very well, then very poorly, OK, and then OK, but poorly. I think I could be a good player, but my subconscious mind is sabotaging me. I started energetic and passionate, which could be both good and bad, but now I am very in control. I still need to be able to think in fear and desire better, but when I am calm, I do have really good thoughts on the strength of my hand and others. That all does not matter, not even my losses or wanting to make the game work or wanting to prove that I can win for my ego, because I do not have any passion for it any longer. But through my experience, I have found some peace in my thoughts and my understanding. What matters is this: it is not a vision of my life which I want to contribute to the world that I am a poker player, because:
Poker is too much too close to gambling. Gambling wreaks havoc on every one’s lives, except the casinos.
It is taking time away from my contributions of love and kindness to others.
If I win, I am taking other people’s money and making them sad.
If I lose, I am losing precious money that could serve my family’s daily needs.
I am taking time away from my contribution to my own purpose and destiny.
By being there, I have lost control of my thoughts and my actions already. Despite the temporary relapse, I will conquer myself.
But mostly, I am drawn to a purposeful life and destiny, and such a time wasteful pursuit will take away precious time from my life and destiny.