luvly....is she really?

[luvlylisa]

I hate liars, cheaters, shady ppl n sh*t talkers! I don't understand  or like it when these elders say one thing n do another or better yet when they undermine u bc ur "a kid" or an incapable woman. Gggrrrrrrrrr!!!! 

Y do ppl think they can do whatever they want n think bc others "respect" them it's ok. B a man n do the right thing darn it n not the cowardly thing n hide behind idiots who r just as cowardly as u!!!

Uuurrgghh!!!!

[proudlao]

Sorry you're having a bad day Lisa. If you need to talk am here.
 
Have a wonderful day.

[luvlylisa]

Sorry you're having a bad day Lisa. If you need to talk am here.
 
Have a wonderful day.

yesterday was a disappointing day pl.  what more can i say?  it's disappointing when those u love r never ppl of their words....it's disappointing when you trust someone, have faith in someone and all they do is leave u with meaningless hope...and after a while all u can do is doubt them.  the relationship deteriorates and all u realise ur memories or what is left of them is nothing but a mere dream of what once was....which is nothing.

i'm upset, disappointed, hurt, angry......and though i know i'm not the only one who has gone through this or is going through this.....in a way i feel very alone and many of the times it's simply me, myself, and i who is left to figure out what the next step is....to pick up the broken pieces and decide if i want to glue them back together or if i want to start from scratch...or to just give up completely and say "the hell w it all". 

i know all the right and necessary things to say and uplift myself....but my heart is heavy now and all i can do is set my life aside so i can concentrate on my career and buy myself some time--time for what exactly?  I haven't a clue.  *sigh*  as much as i look ahead and want to and need to "keep trucking" i feel myself sinking...sink ing...sinking deeper and deeper....like i'm stuck in quicksand or something. 

blah....ph and this place is my safe haven....it's where i can say what i want to say (despite if someone is listening or not) but mainly it's where i can scream and say what's on my mind, what's in my heart--to keep me sane.  my therapy if u may....but clouds beyond the clouds....bc some days i wish i really was with the clouds.

[proudlao]

yesterday was a disappointing day pl.  what more can i say?  it's disappointing when those u love r never ppl of their words....it's disappointing when you trust someone, have faith in someone and all they do is leave u with meaningless hope...and after a while all u can do is doubt them.  the relationship deteriorates and all u realise ur memories or what is left of them is nothing but a mere dream of what once was....which is nothing.

i'm upset, disappointed, hurt, angry......and though i know i'm not the only one who has gone through this or is going through this.....in a way i feel very alone and many of the times it's simply me, myself, and i who i left to figure out what the next step is....to pick up the broken pieces and decide if i want to glue them back together or if i want to start from scratch...or to just give up completely and say "the hell w it all". 

i know all the right and necessary things to say and uplift myself....but my heart is heavy now and all i can do is set my life aside so i can concentrate on my career and buy myself some time--time for what exactly?  I haven't a clue.  *sigh*  as much as i look ahead and want to and need to "keep trucking" i feel myself sinking...sink ing...sinking deeper and deeper....like i'm stuck in quicksand or something. 

blah....ph and this place is my safe haven....it's where i can say what i want to say (despite if someone is listening or not) but mainly it's where i can scream and say what's on my mind, what's in my heart--to keep me sane.  my therapy if u may....but clouds beyond the clouds....bc some days i wish i really was with the clouds.

Lisa, giving up completely isn't like you. I understand you're frustrated and angry. I have been there. If I can come out of anything, you could as well. We are only sinking deeper in the abyss when we let ourselves. Your are stronger than that, you have the will and I know you can pull through anything.
 
You have friends here, you can vent and scream all you want. I am only a PM away. Talk to me.

[luvlylisa]

Lisa, giving up completely isn't like you. I understand you're frustrated and angry. I have been there. If I can come out of anything, you could as well. We are only sinking deeper in the abyss when we let ourselves. Your are stronger than that, you have the will and I know you can pull through anything.
 
You have friends here, you can vent and scream all you want. I am only a PM away. Talk to me.

awww thanks pl.    

AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, better now. 

[proudlao]

Good that is more like it! Now enjoy hump day and look forward to the weekend.
 
Good morning by the way.

[luvlylisa]

It's spirit week this week @ camp.  Monday was PJ day, yesterday was twin/triplet day and today is wacky day.  I participated on Monday and today (not yesterday bc i didn't arrange to dress up with any one else).  Tomorrow is costume day--I've not decided how or what i want to do.  Friday is family day but i've no "family" so I'll just wear my camp shirt.  besides i've a lot to do on Friday as i have to get all the afternoon activities ready for Fri.  it'll be fun forsure!!!  Tomorrow night is our talent show--that'll be nice too.  Can't wait!  Can't wait for the weekend either....bc it's the last full week of camp.  The kids go home next Thursday...and then return on Sun so we can head out to Chicago.  I've still got the mini day trip to plan for all the honors students as well and then vacay!!!  Yes, august!  Can't wait for vacay and my bday! 

[luvlylisa]

blogging and online journal...hrrr mmmm i should stop w one.


anyway...talen t show tonight....yay!

[Lavender]

yesterday was a disappointing day pl.  what more can i say?  it's disappointing when those u love r never ppl of their words....it's disappointing when you trust someone, have faith in someone and all they do is leave u with meaningless hope...and after a while all u can do is doubt them.  the relationship deteriorates and all u realise ur memories or what is left of them is nothing but a mere dream of what once was....which is nothing.

i'm upset, disappointed, hurt, angry......and though i know i'm not the only one who has gone through this or is going through this.....in a way i feel very alone and many of the times it's simply me, myself, and i who is left to figure out what the next step is....to pick up the broken pieces and decide if i want to glue them back together or if i want to start from scratch...or to just give up completely and say "the hell w it all". 

i know all the right and necessary things to say and uplift myself....but my heart is heavy now and all i can do is set my life aside so i can concentrate on my career and buy myself some time--time for what exactly?  I haven't a clue.  *sigh*  as much as i look ahead and want to and need to "keep trucking" i feel myself sinking...sink ing...sinking deeper and deeper....like i'm stuck in quicksand or something. 

blah....ph and this place is my safe haven....it's where i can say what i want to say (despite if someone is listening or not) but mainly it's where i can scream and say what's on my mind, what's in my heart--to keep me sane.  my therapy if u may....but clouds beyond the clouds....bc some days i wish i really was with the clouds.

I can see myself in your expression.
 

I wish you a better day tomorrow and many days to come.

[luvlylisa]

I can see myself in your expression.
 

I wish you a better day tomorrow and many days to come.

thanks lav.  i appreciate it.  see urself...r u experiencing the same thing...or something similar?  *sigh* sorry to hear so if u are.

[proudlao]

It's spirit week this week @ camp.  Monday was PJ day, yesterday was twin/triplet day and today is wacky day.  I participated on Monday and today (not yesterday bc i didn't arrange to dress up with any one else).  Tomorrow is costume day--I've not decided how or what i want to do.  Friday is family day but i've no "family" so I'll just wear my camp shirt.  besides i've a lot to do on Friday as i have to get all the afternoon activities ready for Fri.  it'll be fun forsure!!!  Tomorrow night is our talent show--that'll be nice too.  Can't wait!  Can't wait for the weekend either....bc it's the last full week of camp.  The kids go home next Thursday...and then return on Sun so we can head out to Chicago.  I've still got the mini day trip to plan for all the honors students as well and then vacay!!!  Yes, august!  Can't wait for vacay and my bday! 

So, you're finally going to be legal age and where are you heading for a mini vacay? 

[luvlylisa]

So, you're finally going to be legal age and where are you heading for a mini vacay? 

legal?  depends on what i need to be legal for?   

my bro and i r taking my mom to visit some relatives n arkansas.  it may not sound like a vacay, but it is.  we miss it there.  i was born in little rock and the last time i was there was when i was 8 or 9.  the family there are our fav relatives....t hey're uber nice and sweet.  my mom will drive us crazy on the drive there but it's worth it.

we're excited to go fishing!!!  i'm completely looking forward to it!

[Lavender]

thanks lav.  i appreciate it.  see urself...r u experiencing the same thing...or something similar?  *sigh* sorry to hear so if u are.

Yes, Lisa.  But I trust that time will allow me to sort things out and move on.

Each pain makes us become stronger and wiser.  Like you, I am thankful for PH's journal where we can scream, yell, cry, and express it all.

So if you ever need some listening ears, just write them down. 

[luvlylisa]

my heart hurts....and every time i think about all that u said to me over the weekend.....al l i can do is cry.  i never knew u felt that way and if that is truly how u feel i don't know what to do now.  all this time i thought i was here helping u...i thought we both were carrying this "burden" together.  i stayed bc i didn't want u to suffer; i stayed bc i wanted to help; i stayed bc no one else wanted to; i stayed bc i luv u....but ur now telling me after all this time my help is no good, i'm not worthy, my contributions are less or not as comparable as urs....that i've of no value.  wtf mang?!?!?  really!!!  i've been grateful for everything that u do for me and help me with.  but to know that u would discredit all or anything that i do really hurts.  we both have sacrificed a lot of things to be here and here u pull the rug from under me--i don't matter, nothing i do is worthy to u?  really?  well, what the F am i doing here still then? 

nice to know ur true colors now.  it's sad that u had to come at me like this....but if that's truly how u feel.....when i leave please know that it's not bc i wanted to or bc i didn't care.  it's bc U wanted me to and bc U didn't care.



goodness....i really can't take any more of this crap.  what next?  what more?  please just let me curl into a ball and wither away....kthnxb ye.

[Peachy Fish]

*hugs*

Lisa, hope this person takes back what he/she said to you soon before it's too late. On another note, hope your heart heals soon.