luvly....is she really?

[zena]

I C.  I know what you mean by upping your game.  That will be a great investment...t he master's degree.

[luvlylisa]

I C.  I know what you mean by upping your game.  That will be a great investment...t he master's degree.

Yes it surely is.  At times I wish I shouldn't have waited so long but it's OK.

Luckily, my boss is very understanding and supportive.  We've even discussed the possibility of "other" things for me--but I've a while until I am done so it's all talk for now.

[luvlylisa]

Yes, I am FINALLY done!  Just submitted the last part of my application.  Now it's simply a waiting game.


Had quite the conversation last night..  So I'm still upset--I feel I have every right to be.  I know she thinks I'm bitter and feels I should be more light hearted about the 'situation'.  Whatever. I know I am someone who is very emotional-yes.  But I am also someone who is genuine and sincere in my kindness, luv, and generosity.  Do I regret anything I say or do bc of that?  No.  Bc it's from my heart.  So yes, that means I "put" myself in a place where I can be vulnerable and may most likely get taken for granted or hurt.  But that doesn't mean that ppl should still do whatever their heart pleases simply bc i'm willing to put myself in that situation.  ur no better then I....what makes u think u can do whatever u want n then tell me i did this to myself.  i will accept responsibility in putting myself self here and as naive as it may make me u sound more pathetic when u tell me that u knew but still did what u did--despite knowing that i'd still end up hurt, crying, and upset.

I just don't understand y ppl simply can't be honest? I'm honest w ppl--even if that honesty stings a little. No, I don't look to make ppl feel bad but I am not going to let them think otherwise either.  What kind of a friend is that?



anyway.....i need new friends....sin gle friends please.

[WordGirl]

Yes, I am FINALLY done!  Just submitted the last part of my application.  Now it's simply a waiting game.


Had quite the conversation last night..  So I'm still upset--I feel I have every right to be.  I know she thinks I'm bitter and feels I should be more light hearted about the 'situation'.  Whatever. I know I am someone who is very emotional-yes.  But I am also someone who is genuine and sincere in my kindness, luv, and generosity.  Do I regret anything I say or do bc of that?  No.  Bc it's from my heart.  So yes, that means I "put" myself in a place where I can be vulnerable and may most likely get taken for granted or hurt.  But that doesn't mean that ppl should still do whatever their heart pleases simply bc i'm willing to put myself in that situation.  ur no better then I....what makes u think u can do whatever u want n then tell me i did this to myself.  i will accept responsibility in putting myself self here and as naive as it may make me u sound more pathetic when u tell me that u knew but still did what u did--despite knowing that i'd still end up hurt, crying, and upset.

I just don't understand y ppl simply can't be honest? I'm honest w ppl--even if that honesty stings a little. No, I don't look to make ppl feel bad but I am not going to let them think otherwise either.  What kind of a friend is that?



anyway.....i need new friends....sin gle friends please.

Here's a BIG SUPER TIGHT HUG followed by some comforting squeezes! Sorry to hear about everything. I've been pondering the same questions. The only answer I can come up with....they're not ready for greatness! 

 PM me anytime if you ever need anything.    Congrats on getting that application in. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!

[luvlylisa]

Here's a BIG SUPER TIGHT HUG followed by some comforting squeezes! Sorry to hear about everything. I've been pondering the same questions. The only answer I can come up with....they're not ready for greatness! 

 PM me anytime if you ever need anything.    Congrats on getting that application in. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you!

Awww thanks.  I appreciate it.

No offense....but do I know u?  Sorry if I have lost my mind and have forgotten.

[luvlylisa]

yes, I can most definitely handle the truth.  I'm not upset that I didn't "win".  That was already a reality that I knew would be a possible outcome--so the tears and frustration is not bc I didn't "win"!  I'm more upset that I was made to look like the fool......that these friends who were trying to protect me ended up hurting me instead.  Again, I know I'm a big girl and I can and did make my own choices and decisions.  However, again, if you knew the whole time that my wishful thinking was indeed "all in my head" then why let me sit on cloud 9 hoping, thinking, wishing for nothing but complete disappointment?  Perhaps the result would still be the same--I'd still end up hurt.  However, why have me waste my time.....years, believing something that may have been fabricated?  If you really cared, instead of going around the issue or trying to lightly sugar-coat everything and even tell me what i wanted to hear instead of what I should be hearing simply to save me from crying--oh pluh--ease!!!   I'm an emotional idiot...I cry when I'm happy, sad, joyous, or depressed!  It's inevitable. I just would have appreciated it if ppl just be honest with me....slap me silly and tell me the truth even if it means hurting my feelings and being harsh.  I'd rather hear it from you than from some stranger or see things literally unravel in front of me. 

*sigh*  This is all turning into something I didn't want.  Granted I didn't know it would get like this but at the end of the day....I know I'm a strong person and I'll get through it--whether it be alone or not.  I know once I get over this wall I'll be OK and the bitterness will evaporate and we'll all be on the same playing ground.  However, right now I'm sitting on top of the jungle gym and I'm not coming down for a while....nor do I want you to come up here and sit nor play with me.  I want to be alone and look up at the clouds....gaze into them and pretend I'm flying...jumpi ng from cloud to cloud where I can be free and feel safe.  When I'm ready I'll come down and we can all laugh and even cry together as we once did--but for now play amongst yourselves please.

[luvlylisa]

my cousin wrote me again.  it's always nice getting snail mail.  as convenient as the internet is it's just not as personable. 

[luvlylisa]

woke up yesterday morning and realized i don't want to waste anymore energy being upset when i don't have to.  so let it all go.  it surely has made sleeping a lot better for the last few nights.  thank goodness!

yes, time to move on.

[luvlylisa]

OMG, been sleeping so well this week.  it really soothes the soul (and mind) when u let things go.  i haven't been sleeping this good in a long time.

[luvlylisa]

so glad it's friday today.....

it's been a productive day but damn, it's so boring.  I have about two more hours today and yet i haven't a clue what i'll do.  maybe i'll clean and re-organize my office. better than sitting here and slowly falling asleep at my desk!  LOL

[luvlylisa]

yay, my hmong scarves came in today.  luv them!

[luvlylisa]

I wasn't aware that he was invited over this evening however it wasn't the first time since i saw him new years eve.  I saw him yesterday for the first time.  Yes, I knew he'd be there but when you're friends with the same circle of ppl it's inevitable that we'd see each other or be amongst each other. To keep it short....we didn't really talk to each other at all.  I really didn't know how I'd react or be or say or do when I was to see him next.  I knew I wouldn't lash out on him.  However, I really don't want to put myself in a place where I'd just end up following him around like a lost puppy--yet again, NO!  So I kept my distance as I'm sure he sensed something and kept his.  I couldn't even look at him bc I knew if I did I'd breakdown or melt.  *sigh*  He left earlier than others and I didn't even know it--so I'm guess I'm doing well.  I'm sure everyone was wondering "how I'd take it" or "handle" seeing him.  I think I did well.

When he came over tonight it was a little awkward but we were watching the game and I was preoccupied on my laptop doing some stuff.  I wasn't really paying too much attention to him or spoke in general.  It's not like he came over to see me anyway. 

So it's still a process....I'm still processing.  I'm no longer upset.  I'm just trucking along.  I'm not going out of my way anymore--there's no point--especially when ppl don't appreciate it.  I am still that nice girl, that friend, but that's all I can and am willing to be.

Sleep has been great lately!  So glad I am able to get some--good sleep--u know, the kind when you wake up in the morning and you actually know you were dead asleep as if you were sleeping on clouds! 

I've also been rather sore lately.  My lower back and especially my neck!  Though I've been sleeping really well maybe it's how I'm sleeping that my neck is so.  It's so sore and tense I can't even turn my neck. 

Had a series of odd dreams this morning.  Yes, strange but not crazy.

[luvlylisa]

got the day off today...so what am i going to do? 

staying in today.  all this snow not feeling it one bit.

gonna do my nails and finish my travel blog.  I've been putting it off but need to finish it.

can u believe we've only another week and we'll be a month into the new year already?  time surely seems to be going by faster as we age.

[luvlylisa]

OMG, i'm so hungry it's not even funny.....but i've got laundry to do too.   

[luvlylisa]

Yay, just got an email saying everything is complete...now we wait (not that I wasn't already).

Hoping to get my taxes filed by this weekend.  Yay, nothing crazy imma do.  Just pay off some bills.

The bestie is making khob poob and extended an invite.  I LUV me some khob poob!