i got a surprising email from a friend last night. this friend was once my bff in high school and most of college. i'll be honest, i miss this dear friend and from time to time i miss the friendship we shared. no one knew me better and no one i knew better than my friend. but with time, we drifted apart and as life took us both on a different course we slowly became partial strangers. we are also at different stages in our lives which makes hanging out rather difficult as well (not to mention that we don't live blocks apart now). do i wish we were still close? sure. do i wish we made time for one another? yes. do i wish we included each other more in our lives? most def. will we? sadly, I think not. though the intent of maintaining a good friendship is most def. there the reality is it hasn't happened and it most likely won't.
when i was young and even a few years ago i always opposed the idea that men and women could not be friends. i knew very well from my own experiences that men and women CAN be friends. however, as i got older i find that idea very hard to swallow and believe. many of my friends who are guys (especially those who i was very close to) i am like a distant stranger almost. then again, many are married with kids. those who are single or divorced this does not apply to as i hang out with them and see them therefore there's no awkwardness. however, those who are married w/ family usually drift apart...as they attend to their marriage and soon to be family as well as their careers as I am to my career and life. one can say it's distance but we all know that me being woman, though a friend, one has to respect each other and respect their marriage and "step back". I'm no longer the "woman" in his life--even though it was strictly platonic. As much as he was the "man" in my life--again, strictly platonic--he is now someone elses' man...and their life. several times i've had my bffs' s/o's reach out to me (even while they were dating) and for the most part I've never had problems with their gfs. i want my friend(s) happy...and as long as he's happy w u--there's no problem. I stay in my "place" and support him when necessary. Even so, several bffs have told me after they break up with their gfs their girls liked me and didn't have problems with me personally--but they didn't like that I was that "other girl".
those who have gotten married i most def steer clear of crossing any lines or boundaries as I know and respect their relationship. Most of the time if I see these former bffs it's at family functions or community events--we address each other as I the couple/family altogether. I've even had a bffs' newly-wedded wife invited me out on a family camping trip and suggested that the bff and i go out a week prior to hang out and get some "alone" time.
I was confused and felt rather awkward. I of course said that though it would be nice to go since it was a family trip that it was not necessary for me to go let alone go out a week prior with my friend. I told here we have had numerous opportunities to hang out and can hang out anytime with him. Hrrmmm....I felt she was testing me as she had emailed me after a few months of dating and prior to getting married "informing" me that she was well aware and OK with our relationship--that I was his bff and to not feel I could not come around. Again, like I did later with the camping suggestion, I assured her that we indeed had known each other for years but knowing how much she meant to him I knew where I stood with him and knew that their relationship was also very important to him. When and if we decide to hang out that would happen when avail but they should have time to themselves and their relationship as again, I knew he and I can hang out any time if we wanted to. Kind of a "yes, thank you. no, thank you. carry on, I'm ok. Do you. It's no big deal." of a thing. Eh.
