Applebrook/jetter,
FYI - just to clarify, there is no such thing as "Hauv Qhua Hlub". The only two are "Hauv Qhua Tab" and "Hauv Qhua Txooj". Think of it as "small and big", respectively.
I believe where most of you are confused or mislead is that when you (anyone) is called upon to do either, the caller typically and normally only says something along this line, " ... hu koj tuaj nrog hlub ...". Thus those not knowing the difference between "Tab" and "Txooj" thinks it is "hauv qhua hlub". Bottom line, both are "qhua hlub". The main difference is which "hlub" are you -- the small or BIG.
Here is how you know which "hauv qhua hlub" you are, or is -- to be. And by default, depending who the "deceased" is, one knows which they are to be -- "Tab" or "Txooj" -- even if not told or said upfront. Most people just know, at least the elders. But if you do not, then ask. Anyway, here is the difference between the two -- "Tab" and "Txooj".
Hauv Qhua Txooj: (are only these) 1) Cuab Tsav 2) Muam Phauj or Txiv Dab Laug 3) Xeev Txwj Laug or Hauv Nom (Those are it, to my knowledge, though I might have missed one, but I doubt it. They are the only ones required to have in addition to all the things you mentioned, a whole pig -- preferrably cooked, boiled traditionally. But "raw" is more and more apparent nowadays. Yeah there are other things needed too, but no need to go there, ie., tus kis zaum "rooj hais xim" etc.. Hauv Qhua Tab does not have this, period.)
Hauv Qhua Tab: (is basically everybody else, the only variable is your relationship to the deceased) Most are: 1) Xov Txiv Dab (sons and daughters-in-law) 2) Tub Ntxhais (sons and daughters) 3) Kwv tij (family members) 4) Neej Tsa (in-laws, THIS IS THE BULK of/for "Hauv Qhua Tab") *** No I am not going to list or identify each person or relationship. Again, most folks, know exactly where they fit in and their role, and/or what to do.
Ua tsaug.