Love as it is or should be or what I perceive it as ambiguous as in the simplicity of it's complexity.
We are living, breathing and ever changing. So to will our love be changing whether it is for some simple materialism or some complexity of humanity. Love is not something that we get in return or seek to ask for. I believe this is what we misunderstood or exactly what people misunderstands about me. In correlation it is like if I helped you a stranger in need. I do it because it is in my nature to do it. I am not seeking any recompense in return. I hope that if the next stranger or me, who is in need of help, that you will be able to provide assistance and not seek anything else in return for that. Family, I did just so in my life. I helped each and everyone of my siblings and my parents in ways that I did not ask for any recompense in return. Yet in my time of need, they all place some kind of conditions or reasons why they are unwilling to help me. I am currently in a situation that I cannot any longer help any of them. As such that I may have been self sufficient independently for a long time, but I am still only human and able to only do so much alone. This comes back to love. I am only one person and my love can only go so far.
At times love can manifest as endless as can be, being unconditional. There is a finite to it. For simplicity if I love a rock. Yes I may feel spiritual or aesthetic fulfillment at first. I may spend years caring and tending that rock. There may come a time when that rock is only a hindrance and deterrent in my life. The unrequited love has run it's course. All this is the limitation of a static unchanging love. There is an end.
Love is dynamic. It is seeded, cultivated, and grows. That cycle is repeated in multifaceted forms. Loving a person is something like this. Your love has to be fluid and alive in it's own nature. That is the relationship I have with love, and the relationship that I wish to share with another person. The caveat is that Love waits for no one.
I failed or rather entrusted my love towards someone who leeched me faster than I could seed, cultivate, and grow love. My unconditional love ran dry. I did not have enough foresight. My entire life of planning and preparations was so easily consumed in a relatively short time. Love is fragile. It is tender and easily broken. My love for that other person, my love for my family. That was not a living love, it never grew into anything. They only wanted a static form, unyielding, unchanging stubborn love.
Yet as my though process is heavily westernized influence, I see that in application of that limitation as well. If we correlate love like that of ying yang more so like an Asian philosophy in sentiment. We apply it more in a dynamic form and finding that balance that benefits not just ourselves but even to that of others. The push and pull, the flexibility and firmness, the fluidity and solidarity of a form of relationship with that of love, with that of another person. Even the ying yang symbolism doesn't fully encompass this because it is a static pictorial representation . In life it will have an ebb and flow of ying or yang. One will overpower the other, but should never fully consume the other. Then needs to come back to a state of equilibrium and ebb and flow again. That state of equilibrium and coming back to it, is very important. This is where Asian dynamic love is definitive from the westernized dynamic love. For example your love for your mother as the state of equilibrium in ying yang love or the start of an unconditional westernized influence love. In the ying yang, it just is. In the westernized influence, it has to start somewhere and go somewhere.
How does all of this apply to the person we are looking for? We don't need to look for in another person or rather I'm saying I don't need to look for love in another person. I already have it. It has always been there with me. At times it's powerful and overflowing. At times it's empty and depleted. I'm not here for anyone to take my love. I'm not here to give anyone else my love. I don't compromise on love. It's not a give and take. I will never just settle. I am here to share it. It's always been that way. I trust in my integrity. Trust in my ability. I am extending that trust. Will you share it with me? Will you make a life and grow with me? And that was what I was fighting for my life. Yet it was that very foundation of trust that betrayed me. I have endured it for as long as I humanly could and then some more. Once a person loses that trust. You can never regain it. It's like asking for forgiveness without repentance.
Love is not to be confused with affection or attraction. Attraction in the sense of visual aesthetics may draw upon love. We are drawn more easily to what we are familiar with. Affection in the sense of physical touch may draw upon love as well. The biological sensory stimuli is genetically encoded in us, and impression on us through experiences. When we put both together, there's the situation of such as falling in love at first sight. I admit that this has never happen to me, but there has been many times at first glance I had the initial thought of she was the most beautiful person in the world. Upon the tenth glance, I didn't know what did I saw before. On the other hand, there were many whom I did not see at first, but somehow their beauty and attraction grew upon me. It is this growth that naturally builds. It is this type of love that needs cultivating. Often times these are the people who we miss out our chance on because we were too slow. As usual most of us are dunce and miss it.
Perhaps it's happening again. Another chance. I wonder if I will see through it? Tired now so I am sleeping on it...