Advertisement

Author Topic: Vim kuv tsis paub.  (Read 45715 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Vim kuv tsis paub.
« on: October 14, 2011, 09:16:27 PM »
This shall become a place where I release my heart from its cage..... 

Growing tired of my job. It hasn't even been a year since they've hired me and I'm ready to walk out that door. And the oddest thing to it all is its not because of the people, the pay, the organization, or anything like that. I simply want to leave because there is nothing for me to do there. I feel like I stare at the clock every day asking when it'll strike 4pm. Sometimes I even feel like I've mastered the art of stopping time. Why couldn't I learn how to fast forward a few hours too? :-\ Oh well. I guess I shouldn't be complaining. I think back to when I sat around unemployed and that was worst. I guess I'll suck it up and wait for work to pick back up in the Spring.

Someone dear to me took his life today. I wish that he could have thought about all the tears we'll shed for him, about how precious life is, about all the great things he'll miss out on...sighs. I can't stop thinking about him tonight. I know he had a rough life growing up. Ever since his parents split he was forced to grow up and fend the world on his own. Everytime I looked in his eyes I remember I would always see this sadness in them. I wish that there was something I could have said to him to prevent what he did. It didn't have to be this way. He could still be alive if someone had convinced him that nothing is ever worth taking your life for. Damnit! Why? My heart is broken tonight. I lost a part of my family today. He was a good boy. One whom would have gone so far. Now I'll never get to see him get married or have kids...He often told me all he ever wanted was a normal family...to make up for the one he didn't have growing up. J, you're in my thoughts tonight. I'm angry you had to take that route. I wish that I could have helped. Those status updates on your facebook all make sense now. If only I had notice your cry for help. Take care of yourself. We love you so much. RIP young soul. :'(



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Adverstisement

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #1 on: October 19, 2011, 02:22:15 PM »
KUV NIAM.  :)

I was writing my little cousin from Wisconsin and in the midst of it all, I remembered something mom had said to us girls yesterday. We were starting up “Bridesmaid” from redbox and as the movie opens up, the scene shows the lead, Annie, doing all these funny sex positions with her ex-boyfriend…So my mom goes, “Oh-ho, ua cas es nej yuav mus qiv tau ib daim movie li no los saib. Txhob saib cov zoo li no. Nws tsis zoo yog nej tseem yog hluas nkauj xwb.” My sisters and I just busted out laughing. Here we all were in our mid to late 20’s and she still thinks it “bad” for us to be seeing such things? Come to think of it, she fooled us into believing that if we watched any kissing, sex, or nude scenes on TV, our eyes would turn red. As kids we all believed it too. I remember the siblings and I would sit there watching something on TV and then when the mushy parts came on, we’d turn our heads, cover our eyes, or quickly flipped to another channel. lol. Imagine what that was like while watching movies in class? Anyhow, our answer to mom was, “Niam, peb twb laus laus lawm ne. Peb tsuas saib thiab kawm es lwm hnub thiajli paub mus ua haib haib rau txiv neej xwb os.” She laughs and says, “Ohyo. No way! Tsis good kiag nawb…..Kab (our baby sister who’s 18) tseem me me ne. Tsis txhob tso rau nws saib.” lol. I gotta love mom though.

Now that I think about it more, my mom sure fooled me with stories when I was young. She told me child labor consisted of the stomach being cut open with a big knife. Whenever my younger siblings were born, I’d always ask to see the wound that had been sewn up but mom never once showed me. Shouldn’t that have triggered something in my head? Then she’d also tell me that if us girls even slept next to a guy, we’d get pregnant. When the brothers and guy cousins/nephews slept next to me on “parents are away for funeral/party/wedding” nights, I’d think to myself…”I don’t want to get pregnant.” Mom would just be like, “Don’t worry, only boys from outside the family can do magic.” lmao. Or how when the kids cried a lot and mom would say there’s a niam tais poj ntxoog who listens carefully and if she hears you, she’ll come by to see why you are crying. Or that one about finding a lost bird, rabbit, cat, or doggy and don’t bring it home because it’s only poj ntxoov cov menyuam. I remembered when we moved this one summer and there were these kittens that got abandoned at the corner of our deadend block and mom told us not to feed them or even touch them. There’s way too many stories. I wonder if someday I’ll end up telling little such stories like these to my kids too? Wait a minute, I already do that with my nieces and nephews. Oyo! My favorite one is when those munchkins are crying and I go.. “Yivvvvvv, Maiv Naim los lawm nawb. Ntsia kiag tamsimno.” Works like a charm.

Oh how I miss my childhood. Now that everyone in the fam is grown, I bet it hits mom to know we’re all standing on our own (at least for 90% of the time). Mom doesn’t have to worry…I can never really detach myself from her. She’s still my extra breath of fresh air when I’m suffocating.





Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #2 on: October 21, 2011, 01:31:41 PM »
I'm sitting at work watching the clock slowly tick away. My great nephew is over and I can't wait to go play with him. There's always this joy and innocence in babies I love. Gosh! To make it worst, my little sister had to text me this adorable pic of him sitting lopsided there like a pumpkin. I am so ready to go home. Just 30 more mins. Come on 2 o'clock! My weekend starts when you come. Hurry!



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2011, 02:02:26 PM »
I’ve been having some weird (even scary) dreams lately. :-[ My mom told me that it was never too good to dream about dogs and babies because they were just sickness and ghosts trying to attach themselves to me. Although some people don’t believe that dreams are real, I’m a sucka for them. I don’t know..I woke up with a headache and chills this morning. Maybe I’m just thinking too much. Just to be on the safe side, I’ll stick a butter knife under my pillow tonight. I'll have it ready in case I should need to battle it out in my dreams..



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #4 on: October 25, 2011, 02:17:05 PM »
Mom is so cute. I always love hearing her love stories. It's sad knowing I won't have such fascinating and sweet stories to share with my girls someday. :-\ I'll probably just end up telling a short tale like..."Puag thaum ub os...koj mommy phem phem dab tuag tsis muaj ib tug hluas nraug hmoob nyob twg nyiam kiag. Muaj ib hnub kho kho koj mommy siab ces nws mus quaj tim pas dej nas has ciali ntsib koj txiv. Koj txiv tias “Nkauj hmoob, yog koj quaj li no koj hajyam ntxim hlub os.” Txij thaum ntawd los ces nkawd ob leeg ciali mus tuav tes ncig ntiaj teb ua ke. Nyob nyob koj mommy ciali hlub koj txiv. Koj txiv los twb hlub koj mommy lawm thiab. Nkawd ob leeg ciali sib yuav ces muaj nej xwb. The end." Maybe I'll have to twist it up a notch so it'll be half as great as mom's stories...



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #5 on: October 25, 2011, 09:35:45 PM »
Tonight my heart aches. I wish that I could magically take this pain away so the tears would stop falling. Sometimes I wonder if anything I do would ever be appreciated or worthy. I’m always reminded of my place and that hurts. I don’t know what to say, how to put it…Should I run away and hide? 

Let tomorrow be a new day....I await the sunshine.  :'(



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #6 on: October 27, 2011, 11:24:39 AM »
I'm working on a project for someone's birthday coming up in a few weeks time and I am rather excited to see the finish product. So far I've been digging up photos, turning my imagination cap on and thinking about how I'm going to get this all done in time. Gotta work hard. Fighting!



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #7 on: November 03, 2011, 10:49:26 AM »
This week has been so long. I can't wait for the weekends to come. Shoot, this weekend will be packed with things to do until nightfall. It's alright...that's tons of family time so I'm up! Bring it...! Let's just hope the sun sticks around for that whole time. Wait...that reminded me this weekend is daylight savings too! Sweet. One more hour back! What shall I use it for?

Excited for Friday night...mom, the girls and I will be sleeping at the new place to warm it up. There's not much there yet so we'll probably just resort to old-fashion 'sleeping on the ground'. It's going to probably be another week or two before everything has been moved there, the new furniture all gets settled in and I can finally rest and unpack. Until then, it's back-and-forth between the two homes. It's starting to wear me down. sighs. I think I'm coming down with something...as I'm writing this, my runny nose is distracting me, I can feel this little irritation at the back of my throat and worst of all...I've got the chills even with a sweater and heater on.




Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #8 on: November 03, 2011, 11:22:56 PM »
Sitting in my room tired from running around department stores trying to get things for the house and then coming home to do more cleaning and packing. On the bright side, furniture delivery happens tomorrow. They called today and said one of our beds won't be coming yet so I guess we'll have to do with what we've got. No pissy mode since they did give us a whole lot of discount after all.  I can't wait to see the dining table though...fell in love with it the first time I laid eyes on it. I know it's quite pricy considering we probably won't ever sit there to eat much but it's nice to have it. Still have so much to do. I feel like I don't have enough time. I've already got a schedule all set for tomorrow. I suppose I should go to sleep...I will surely need it. yawns. Good night.



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2011, 11:21:53 PM »
I am such a horrible sister.  :'(


« Last Edit: November 07, 2011, 11:36:15 PM by MSV »

Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2011, 10:40:18 PM »
I want to get back into my working out mode again. Why did I let myself slip? Now I've got to work extra hard just to get where I want to be. It's a long way to go but I've seen the weight come off and I am determined to get further this time around. Please stay focus. You've got to look good in the next year or so. I guess it's back to starting small and increasing my load...fightin g!



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline Dok_Champa

  • Sr. Poster
  • ****
  • Posts: 5568
  • Respect: +68
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #11 on: November 10, 2011, 12:41:06 PM »
So sad what happened to that young man who took his life.  I'm curious, how did his birth parents reacted to this tragedy?



Like this post: 0
But true love is a durable fire, In the mind ever burning, Never sick, never old, never dead, From itself never turning.<br />               --Sir Walter Raleigh

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #12 on: November 11, 2011, 12:59:58 PM »
Hard as it is, I find that statement to be true. I dreamt of carrying a crying bloody child looking for her parents and ohmy gees, I was ill for two months. I dreamt of a dog bitting me, and a car hit me from behind. But most of the time, when I dream of babies, I know I'll be sick later and it usually happens.  :-\

Bloody child? That is so scary. Chills. I've never had one of those and let's pray I don't. I remember I had this dream once about how my sisters kept giving me this newborn and telling me it was mines. I cried and told them it's not mines.  I went off about how I didn't have a husband yet so why would I already have a baby. But in the dream they just insisted it was indeed mines and I should take care of it because it was crying from hunger. If I remember correctly, I did hold the baby for a bit but as I looked at it, it looked too small to be a baby and it had a missing nose. I kinda freaked and was going to throw it in this ice berg thing but awoke. Don't remember if I got sick or not.

Dogs are scary too. For some reason I usually dream about black dogs trying to get inside the house to bite me. :-\ Does that mean the house needs some cleansing?

So sad what happened to that young man who took his life.  I'm curious, how did his birth parents reacted to this tragedy?

You know how we watch them Hmong movies and lovers die for love? I guess you can say this boy did the same. He was so foolish. Sometimes I still get angry at him for doing what he did. If only he had came to our side of the family and discussed his desire to marry his gf. Things would have worked out. Now he’s 6 feet under and all that surfaces are tears and memories.

Both his parents are torn and are still mourning even after they’ve buried their son. I’m sure both of them have much guilt for not knowing how to ua niam txiv zoo rau lawv cov me tub me ntxhais and probably blamed themselves for his death. At the funeral, both of them said the kind of words you just can’t walk away from without first shedding countless tears. Even when I recall what was said I start to get emotional.



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #13 on: November 12, 2011, 08:50:05 PM »
Lub siab ntsws ntsuag no...txhob tsim tsim koj tus kheej os.


« Last Edit: November 12, 2011, 08:52:03 PM by MSV »

Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

Offline MSV

  • Jr. Poster
  • ***
  • Posts: 3770
  • Gender: Female
  • Respect: +79
    • View Profile
Re: Vim kuv tsis paub.
« Reply #14 on: November 14, 2011, 03:01:19 PM »
Feeling motivated. I shall try this one more time. This time around, I don’t want to slip anymore. I’m tired of this lifestyle...fe d up with people judging me....no longer wanting to edure those stares...sighs . Please stay positive, you! It’s going to be so hard bouncing back into those days of counting calories, weighing myself every day, cutting down portions, restricting what I take in, sweating my ass off but everything will pay off in the end. Nothing beats a good workout for the heart. I must devise a plan and hop back on. Oh how time seems so short. Need to get moving.

In the meantime, I’m putting other things on hold. Thov txim.



Like this post: 0
Even if you're having a bad day, smile. :)

 

Advertisements