Vim kuv tsis paub.

[MSV]

There are some people in this world I know of that no matter how much I try to like them, it will never happen. This particular woman...she has got one of the ugliest hearts I've come to know of. Her mouth runs like that of a demon. She's made my mom, siblings and I shed far too many tears over the hurtful things she's said and done. We've kept it to ourselves all these years thinking it'll fade with time. I’ve tried to be forgiving and see her good but how can I see any when none exist? I know I should be the bigger person and just walk away but I don't want to anymore. I'm fed up with her. One of these days I will snap and give her a big biatching. I'm gonna be like, "Look biatch, who the hell do you think you are talking to my family and I like we are worthless. You better f*cken take your rude comments and selfish acts someplace else before I slap you right here in front of the whole world. Then after I do that, I'll laugh about it as I turn my back on you for good." Oooo, she made my blood boil yesterday.

*****

"Hauv koj lub siab puas muaj kuv?" BC texted me a rather surprising text this weekend. I wonder if he was just joking around or was he really trying to ask me if I ever saw him more than a friend? Part of me secretly wished he had a teeny ounce of a crush on me. But then again knowing the girls he dated in the past, I know I don’t stand a chance. After hesitating with an answer, I texted him back asking him how can a weed stand out in a field of flowers? Just thinking about it kills me sometimes. I’ve watched far too many good guys slip away into the “friendship” zone because I wasn’t attractive enough to satisfy them. I guess it’s okay always ending up being the cool chick they could share all their relationship problems with….who had all the hot friends that make them giggly when they are trying to turn on their mojo….who would tell them when they were doing wrong and put them in their place…..who gave them a shoulder when a broken heart made the man tears fall. I….I…..I don’t know what’s it like to be something more than a friend to a guy. 

[MSV]

Another unexpected text came through late one night.

Sorry she call. I hope you’re not thinking about me using you as a rebound. To be honest, I have some feelings toward you already. Just thought you should know. You’re a special woman. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel the same towards me. I’m letting you know how I feel.

Ring! Ring!

Me: Hello! Ua cas koj rov hu kuv? I thought we said good night already?
BC: I’m sorry. Ntshe koj twb mus pw lawm poj? Did you get my text?
Me: Yes.
BC: I just thought I should let you know. I do have feelings for you.
Me: Ummm. *silence* Tsis txhob tso tso dag rau kuv na.

I laughed it off out of feeling awkward and switched the subject after that. Gosh, I get so dumb sometimes. lol.

Although he managed to send a bunch of girly giggles from me, I know it could never be. Deep down I feel like I’m suppressing certain feelings. I guess I’d rather never let them surface because I don’t want to push our friendship beyond what could be. I like where we are at and I don’t want to lose any of that. I hope he didn’t take my answer as a rejection.

****

Our backyard has so many dang dandelions. Why in the world did whomever lived here before us not take care of the lawn? Damnit! I’ve been spending so many days after work pulling our dandelions. Them suckers are deeply rooted which adds so much more work. I’m pretty sure there’s something out there that can easily kill them off. I don’t want to rely on them unless necessary. Aish. Looking forward to a green yard by the end of this summer.

My little garden has started up too. My mom gave me some seeds to jumpstart it. So far I’ve only managed to plant my cilantro and scallions. I can’t wait to see them grow. Shoot! I just remembered…I need to go get some fencing. Don’t want rabbits and other little critters in my garden.

****

I really want to get a shih tzu!

[MSV]

OMG. FANNY AND BRIAN! My sisters and I were so in love with them back in their FTTS days......ahhh hhh! Stumbled on some of their music on youtube. I miss these two sexies.

http://youtu.be/bb6eQIIzLjI

http://youtu.be/yRFsYVQ6sZc

They are still amazing as EVER!!! I hope I dream of them tonight.

[MSV]

Kuv zaum ib pob hauv kuv lub tsheb quaj ib pluag. Ua cas lawv thiajli tsis pom zoo li?

.....I’m so sad tonight.

[MSV]

Leej twg tias kom lawv pheej qeeb siab tsis xa application tuaj ntxov. Tsam no deadline dhau lawm no ces lawv yuav hu tuaj piav pity stories thiab give excuses rau kuv mloog os? Please. Take that somewhere else. Kuv tsis xav mloog hnub no. I’m feeling rather heartless. lol. My head hurts. Can’t wait to go home.

[MSV]

Work is flying by so fast this week. I can't believe it's already Thursday tomorrow. But dangit, it's my longest day this week. Why do I have to sit through another boring useless meeting?

Weeding is so therapeutic! After a long day of being mentally drained, it's nice to just dig up some dandellions. Every one I pull out brings me one step closer to having that awesome green backyard. Speaking of gardens...OMG! My scallions are starting to sprout. However, I noticed today that something has been digging them up. I've got to get that fence up so they can't get to my veggies. My mom said she'll come help me set that up....I hope it's this weekend.

Need new Hmong music on my phone....

[MSV]

2.5 more hours of weeding today. It was so relaxing. But goodness there are a lot of them. I wonder if I counted every single one I pulled out, how much would I have at the end of the summer? Planning to do some more weeding tomorrow after work. On top of that, I discovered another species of unwanted weed today and now I'm on a mission to get rid of those too. The sad thing is they are more deeply rooted than dandellions. So much work to complete. I guess I'll be busy for this summer.

 

[MSV]

Friday night...watche d "In Time" with some of my sisters. It's quite an interesting movie. What if time really did become our currency?

Saturday...nia m and me time. We fenced my garden....trim med all the evergreen trees and bundled the branches....di d some major ass weeding. Very productive day!

Sunday....mus haujlwm. Los txog ces lazy around the living room flipping random channels to pass the time. Watched this one episode called "Caught on Camera" and boy, some criminals can be quite stupid.

*****

Puas tsim nyog nyob tos? Zov zos npaum li no es puas zoo dabtsi? Kuv lub plawv thiab lub hlwb tsis mloog each other hmo no li os....it's been like this for a few days now. If I even question it, doesn't that tell me something already?

BC hais tias nws tau txawj txog kuv. I feel bad ignoring all those phone calls and texts. I never liked others worrying about me.

Another job interview in a week's time. Should I prepare for it?

[MSV]

Got home and it was too cold to be outdoors weeding those dang weeds. I couldn't possibly sit still and watch tv so I went and cleaned my bathroom. I sanitized it so good that now I don't even want anyone to use it. It's so refreshing having that nice scent of febreeze tickling my nose every time I walk into my bathroom. I know it won't last too long so I'll make the best of it. Too bad I'm not a fan of scrubbing toilets and bathtubs too. I'll try to make it a "every other month" chore for myself.

I've been having some pretty vivid dreams. The other night I had a dream that ib tug menyuam poj ntxoog los nrog kuv. And then there was one about Lil Wayne leaving his most treasured assests in my hand as he has a gunshot war with some kaydoo mobsters. Those bad guys later catch me and interrogate me to tell them information about where Lil Wayne is. I have no idea why I dreamt such dreams. As a friend said...maybe I ate too much before going to bed.

Kuv tsis paub es...tonight I have this heaviness in my heart like I'm longing or missing someone. But the thing is...there's no one. What does this stupid heart want? It's as bipolar as MN's weather.

"Kev sib ncaim tsis yoojyim li lub siab xav...." Light of Day's song Mus Zoo Koj always gets to me. I'm listening to a cover by a youtuber and she's good. Off to youtube I go.

[MSV]

Tagkis no kuv sawv los es nws txawv dua txhua hnub. Kuv hnov leej twg tham luag ntxhi upstairs. Kuv mus mloog ze zog na ham ho yog kuv tus niam laus xwb. I started giggling. Peb nyob laus li no kuv tsis tau hnov nws tham nrog ib tug hluas nraug nyob twg li. Tabsis ua cas a couple weeks ago, she bumped into someone and now…hehehe. Kuv zoo siab heev rau nws. I’ve always wanted her to find someone loving to build her life with and she finally hopped on it. Txawm tias nws qeeb zog los tsuav nws nrhiav tau tus hlub nws xwb. I hope that guy is not a player who’s just out to break hearts. Yog nws ua kuv tus niam laus quaj ces ntshe kuv yuav tau mus ua poj dab cem nws kom txaus kuv siab kiag. Kuv tus niam laus favnis dhau lawm os. I’ll make sure I give her some tips on flirting. Wait. kuv twb tsis paub flirt li es. WTH!

Damn! I should have never slacked off on my workouts. Tau ib week no kuv rov ua some kickass cardio thiab toning mas mob muscle tiag tiag. I feel it most in my abs. I love the sore feeling though. Gotta work hard and feel something if I wanna get somewhere.

Can’t wait for the weekend to come…baby shower and an ua neeb to attend. If I have extra time, I might possibly drop by a friend’s wedding too. So many celebrations…! It makes me want to throw a random one just for the fun of it.

[MSV]

how is your garden coming along?

ST, my scallions and cilantro are sprouting! I say give it another month and they’ll be ready to be picked. How’s your planting coming? What’s growing this year?

[MSV]

Weekend was so tiring. I literally knocked out by 8:30pm on Saturday and Sunday night. Who does that? Had a great time with the girls though. We are so silly when we get together. Maybe I should plan a weekend retreat up north in a cabin for us all? I wanna do something new and different this year. But with all those baby bumps, I don’t know who’ll be able to make it. 

Kuv tau nrog nws tham nag hmo. Nws haistias nws twb kam tso tagnrho nws lub neej rau kuv lawm. Ua cas kuv thiajli tsis kam qhib kuv lub siab rau nws? I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe I’ve developed this fear of wanting to ever trust another man again. I know it’s not healthy to assume and start withdrawing from every man I seem to be getting closer to but it serves as my guard. I don't want to be hurt...lied to...walked all over anymore.

Watched a rather compelling Hallmark movie titled “Firelight” last night. It was about a group of incarcerated young girls who - under the guidance of a counselor - were sent out to volunteer in areas such as putting out fires, building hiking trails, and assisting in natural disasters. This act was in hopes of helping the girls rediscover themselves, better build stronger relationships amongst people they’ll come across in life, and just have a sense of belonging somewhere. Overall, I was really impressed with the movie….even had me in tears at the end.

[MSV]

Last night I was talking to a friend about cars and he had mentioned he got himself a brand spankin’ new red hybrid car while I’m driving down MN roads with my dull Camry. Anyways, somehow that conversation traveled into my dreams. I dreamt that my older saw a posting on craigslist for this awesome two-door sports looking red car. The seller was only willing to do a trade so we decided that if it was worth it, I’d trade mines in for his. We both went to look at the car and it was a beauty! I didn’t test drive it or anything though. Next thing I know, I’ve already swapped cars. A few days later I started to realize it was a BIG mistake. The value of that car was crap compared to my Camry…it didn’t even drive properly…mileage was off the meter….seats only fitted me and a passenger….plus I don’t even like two doors or sports cars. I started to regret my “purchase”. While panicking, I tried digging up information to get back in touch with the seller to see if I could get my car back…I thought about all the money I spent on my Camry and I nearly cried. All of a sudden I hear walking upstairs and wake up. Just to make sure, I ran and looked outside my window this morning to see if my car was still parked outside. lol. Thank goodness I was only dreaming…

I went shopping yesterday after I got off work and I got some really good deals. I ended up buying 7 pairs of jeans and a pair of boots for only $51! 7 hand soaps – all kitchen lemon - from Bath and Body for $21! $10 off $10 purchase from Kohl’s!  I love sales! Now I’ve got to ban myself from shopping before it gets outta hand.

Heels always put me in a "I feel sexy" mood. Too bad I don't wear them as often as I should.

[MSV]

Why are men’s shirt sizes so complicated?

Came upon a vid on YouTube of a bunch of grandchildren singing a song for their grandma at her funeral and it made me miss my dad. Kuv nco nws heev. Perhaps that it why the sun is hiding behind clouds today.  I should pay him a visit and bring flowers to plant so he can enjoy them this summer.

[MSV]

MSV, that is great!! Mine are too. I'm just planting the typical. Green mustard (which is growing right now), green onion, celantro, red peppers, tomatoe, thai basil, lemon grass, pumkin, beans, corn, cucumber, watermelon, and some hmong herbs for chicken. That's pretty much it. I already put down some seeds so we'll see if I will be sucessful this year. Take pix and let me see and I will do the same.

One way to really check if you've spotted a Hmong family is to look in their backyard gardens.

It looks like you've got so many yummy stuff to look forward to. Do you know the names of all those chicken herbs? My mom and I usually get them when they are already seedlings since we don't know what they are called. It'd be nice to see them grow from scratch though. I'll remember to take a pic this weekend and share. Same goes for you...sharing time.