mong story to laugh and enjoy, "HLOOV NPE TSHIAB..."

[yaweh]

Puag thaum ub....

Pim nyob qab tsuas qhuav...pim laus pim lees, los pim ntseeg tias pim yog tus zoo nkauj dua...xav noj ntau los puv duav...
Paum nyob qab tsuas ntab...paum dawb paum mos, paum nyob npaum tsi tshaib plab...TSI XAV NOJ ntau tsam lub pla ntas lawm...

Qau dai qaum tsuas ntaab...qau laus qau lees, qaus thiaj caij nraug nrab...qau xaav mus nrhiav nyab..
noov nyob qaum tsua ntev...noov dawb nov mos, noov twb tsi tau phle...los noov xav noj los puv cev...

qau hais tias "noov....hmo no kuv yuav mus tuav ncuav xaus lub xyoo laus...seb puas zoo kuv lub pebcaug...es koj tseem hluas...ces kuv yuav coj koj mus tsuav ntsuag...es koj tuaj tsi tau los ua kom ti hauv paus..."

noov tias "ab, tijlaug, kuv tsi tau plhe...ntshai tsam dej sav siv kuav pem kwjtse, ce kuav tau kuv tus ntsuj ce...ntshai heev na...koj yuav kom kuv tsuav ntsuag...temsi s kuv twb tsi paub xyuas ne...ces kuv mam ua koj luag xwb mas..."

qau tias "kwv, tsi ntshai os...koj mus ces, koj coj paum es kuv mam coj pim...peb mus txog nram tiaj sis lub, tiaj qhoob tub ces...koj ntsuag zoj seb nws lub cev puas kub xwb...ces peb mus txog nram tij sis nteeg, tiaj hneev nees ces...koj maj mam hais seb puas puas kheev xwb mas....yog nws kheev ces, coj nwg mus txog nram tiaj sis luas, tiaj qhia qhua ces...koj tau ua xwb mas..."

paum hais tias "pim, kuv hnov tias qau thiab noov yuav tuaj laiv.....kuv ntshai ntshai li, yuav ua cas..."?

pim tias "paum, tsi ntshai os....kuv li kuv yog nkauj laug nkauj lees lawm, kuv nyob qab tsuav ntab, nyob ntev ces tshaib kuv plab xwb....tuaj ces kuv mam li muab tom noj kiag xwb....

paum tias" es kuv tsi tau noj dua ne, kuv yauv ua cas na???"

pim tias "koj sab laj rau ple, ntsiav, tawv, thiab qhov lawd seb lawd hais li cas xwb mas..."

ple thiab ntsiav tias "pim, koj xob txhawj mas, noov thiab qau tuaj ces, wb mam txheem khov khov xwb mas..tsi pub nkawd txav los tib li..."

tawv paum tias "paum, xob txhawj mas, kuv mam pab zawm khov khov kom nkawd xob qhib tau mas.."

qhov puam tias "paum, xob txhxawj, kuv mam kaw khov khov, nkawd qhib tsi tau rooj tag li os..."

qau thiab noov tuaj txog tom kws tse...qau tias "noov, koj uantej mus qhia paum na, kuv mam ua qab mus qhib pim..."  

noov tias" qau, es kuv tshee tshee ne...puas ok mas.."

qau tias, "tsuag tsuag mas, mos mos li, qab heev os..."

noov thiaj li tawm plawg hauv qab tsuas ntev los....tawv tawv, loj loj, liab liab..ua ua zag....ncig yeev txog nram taij qhoob tub, mus kiag txog nram tiaj hneev nees...ya plawg mus txog nram tiaj qha qhua....

paum pom noov los lawm...paum ntshai ces paum thiaj qw tias, "ple, ntsiav, tawv, qhov....nyiag ua nyiag haujlwm nawb....!!!!!!!! tsuag tsuag, noov tuaj lawm..."  paum cuab zog tos, ple thiab ntsiav txheem nkaus, tawv thiab qhov zawm nkaus tsi pub qhib.....

noov tseem hluas temsis noov loj loj tawv tawv...ces noov ob npuj, plhe thiab ntsiv lem hlo...ob npuj, tawv paum thiab qhov paum qhib los....noov ntxig nplo mus txog tom qhov tsuas xaus ntawd...

NOOV XAV NPAUM CAS, HNIA NPAUM CAS LOS CAS YUAV TSW PHEM UA LAUJ OS NTUJ ES....NOOV THEV TSI TAUS...NOV NTUAV LWJ NTUAV LIAM......NOOV TAWM PLAWS HAUV PAUM....NOOV XAB LUAV KIAG....CES ROV ME ME LAWM...

qau tias "oy...noov cas koj tsi hais li....saib kuv nawb mus tom pim nawb...saib zoo zoo ov..."

qau thiaj li txav ze pim na..ua cas qhov rooj qhib lug li....ple thiab ntsiav tsi txheem li...qhov thiab tawv tsi zawm li....qau nkag mus txog hauv pim, ua cas, es nkawd yauv THAM LUAG NTXHW LUAG NTXHI LIS...NKAWD TSEEM LOOB PHEE UA KEV ZOO SIAB RAU PAUM THIAB NOOV MLOOG THIAB....NOJ NRAM QAB TSUAS TSEEM TSHWM PEM QHOV NCAUJ THIAB....NOJ TXHIJ NOJ TXHUA...HAUS TXHIJ HAUS TXHUA....TSI YOG TSW PHEM ES NTUAV, TEMSIS YOG PIM THIAB QAU QAUV CAWV ES NTUAV....QAUV NTUAV TAG CES QAUM MAM TAWM ROV LOS..."

noov thiaj tias "oh...tijlaug qau, ua cas koj zoo siab ua luaj na...kuv mus txog xwb es...kuv thev tsi tau, kuv ntuav lwj ntuav liam li...."

qau thiaj tias.."tsi ua cas, hnub no...koj ntuav tag thawj zawg lawm ces...MUAB KOJ TIS NPE UA QAU LAWM THIAB NAWB...TSI YOG NOOV LAWM OV....PAUM LOS...MUAB TI NPE UA PIM LAWM THIAB NAWB....ES MUAJ HNUB NEB SIS CUAG DUA CES...QHOV ROOJ YUAV QHIB LUG LOS TOS KOJ LAWM...THAUM NTAWD CES KOJ MAM LI ZOO SIAB LI KUV OS ME KWV..."

tom qab no ces...paum thiab noov hloov dua tshiab tis dua npe lawm...noov los tsi qias lawm, paum los tsi yoo lawm....qhov los tsi zawm...ple los tsi txheem....qhov rooj qhib lug tos qau thiab noov lawm xwb...noov los, pauv dua npe tag, mus saib paum thiab pim, kuj tseem ntuav thiab, temsis tsi yog qias es ntuav...yog noj ntau los tsau, haus txaus los qaug...es ntuav lawm xwb.

YAWEH

[JaS]

Can someone please translated this in english ....it will take me days  :Pto finish reading it as i will have to sound out each words.

[yaweh]

i'm not sure if the story is funnier or what Jas said is funnier....

[yaweh]

translated versioin:

long time ago....

pussy lives in dry cave, pussy is old and wrinkle, but pussy thinks she is the best looking...and want to eat more to fill her waste..

punany lives in long cave...punany is soft and white...but is not hungry...and desn't want to eat in fear of big stomach.

**** is hanging next to big cave...**** is old and wrinkle...and becomes dried up bachelor...and wants to get married.
penis hanging around long cave too...but its soft and white...and head not yet exposed...but wants to eat too...

**** says..."penise...lets go have some cake..for new year...you're young, so you go grind shoots fisrt...all the way to the base..."

penis says "brother, my head is not exposed yet, i'm scared that i might get flooded...and it will get my spirit....i'm scared...you want me to chop shoots, but i dont' know how to do it...i will just go watch instread.."

**** says "dont' worry...you take punany and i'll take pussy..we go to to the hill of "caring for sons", and see if she is hot...then we to to the "plain of horse footprints" and see if she wants to....then we go to the "cave of showing guests" ...then just do it.."

meanwhile....

punany says "pussy...i heard that **** and penise are coming...i'm scare..what am i going to do?"

pussy said "no worry...i am old and wrinkle..i live in dry cave...i'm hungry..i will eat them.."

punanay said "i dont' know how to eat...what am i to do?"

pussy said "talk to clitoris and vagina and pussy lips.."

clitoris/vagina/pussy lips said "punany no worries....we will help"

clitoris said "i will pin them down....they will not be able to get up"

punany lips said " i will shut myself tightly..they wil not be able to open it.."

vagaina said" i will shrink myself tightly, they will not get in.."


meanwhle, **** and penise arrived...and **** said "penis..go open punany, and i'll open pussy"

penise said "**** i'm shaking...is it ok.."

"yes it is ok..hurry up...its good...smells good..." said ****..

penise got out of his mountainside.. and became harder and bigger and redder...movin g up and down...running to the hills of "caring for sons"...down to the plain of "horse shoe" to the cave of loneliness....

punany heard him coming...so punanay said..."clitoris, lips...vagina. ..he's coming.....do your job..he's coming.." punany was ready for retaliation... clitoris tries to pin penise down with her pointy weapon......li ps tries to shut itself tightly, .....vagina shut herself tightly too...

but, penise is young...and hard and strong...break pass clitoris...sla mmed pass lips...and right into vagina with ease...and with two humps...penise realize that my god..."IT SMELLS TERRIBLE..."  PENISE IS NOT USE TO THE SMELL YET...and coudln't take it anymore...so penise THREW UP....AND WITH TWO PUSH, CAME OUT OF PUNANY ONLY TO BE DEAD, SHRUNK AND TIRED AFTER THE TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE OF SMELLING THE PUNANY...

**** says "oy......you are useless...its an acquired taste bro...watch me...carefully ..."
 
so **** went straight to pussy and he did even knock the door...it was wide open...clitori s was welcoming...li ps were friendly and loose...vagina was welcoming and crying with happinese...an d wetness...puss y and **** talked happily with each other...singin g beatiful songs...they ate together, drink together...and **** did threw up...but not from the smell...it was from the influence of the happinese of their meeting..so **** eventually came outside again..

so penise said "brother ****...why are you so happy...i could stand the smell..how did you do it..."

**** said "its ok bro...today you threw up for the fisrt time...beasue of this, i'll rename you "****"  too...you are not pense anymore...i will also rename your punany to pussy..so that when you meet again, both are just as welcoming as you seen here today...

later on..after punany and penise changed their names to **** and pussy, they meetins are very pleassurable.. .not smelly anymore...not unwelcoming anymore...clit oris doens't pin you down anymore...nowa dsys...**** throws up not from digusting smells...but from the intoxicaton of hunger...


you guys have to speak hmong fluenlty to understand the hmong version...it is suppose to be funny...the english version doens't make sense at all...by the way

YAWEH

[yuknowthat]

 

[saki saki]

I'll be back to share a few funny ass hunting/fishing/camping stories..
Alrite.
1st story. Tis was my very 1st hunting season..lol I was a rookie.. Anyways my best buddy, his 2 older brother and my other buddy's brother and me.. Total was 5 ppl. We went up north IDK the spot. So we split up the brother were 2gether while me N my buddy's brother went our own way.. I had the gun.(there was only one gun). we ain't got no color clothes wat so ever.. So

we were not too far from the car and I saw the grey 4 legged critter. I chased it and it run up tis small tree and into the hole. So I told my partner to hold on the gun and I climb up the tree to poke it out from the bottom.LOL Long story short I was poking it and could hear the thing cooling, you know. Then I told my buddy on the ground, hey I hear it inside the tree.. Then all of a sudden I heard a crack and bam I fell at least 5-7 feet down to the ground.. LOL. The branch tat I was standing had gave way. And my buddy's bro laughed so hard when I fell on my ass. Wen I fell, I was dumb founded like WTF just happen.. Then I saw him running off. Later he came back and said. Shyt wen the branch broke I saw you trying to reach for the top branch and tat's wen you hit the ground. Then I shytted in my pants. Tat's why I run off. So we both hunting all day with out his under pants..

[saki saki]

2nd 1.
Tis was during the trout season opener.. me and my hommies went to white water. We split up cuz you have to chase 'em trout.. You know wat I mean if you ever chased wild trouts in the river. So me and my BIL was on tis log kinda close to the river bank. We was in the shade part. I had climb down to the shore while my BIL was trying to fish from the log. He said he has the upper advantage over the river. Anywho As he casted out his 6lb line up stream.( you gotta do tat so the current can bring it down stream). Anyways I just got done reeling my line back in the all I remember was he slipping and landed on his back. He fell off the log and landed perfectly into the fork ends of the 2 logs. LOL he was like a turtle with his arms N leg kicking the air. I laughed so hard I 4got to go and help him.. Then the log broke and he landed into the water. lol I was like holy shyt.. but lucky the river wasn't too deep. it was only knee high.. LOL Dam you gotta be there to see it for ur self. On ur way back home he was almost naked cuz he was all went and the home boy didn't want his car to be all wet.

[saki saki]

3rd. Tis was Ice fishing. I took my younger brother and his 4 buddies out to the lake. We drove to their spot the night before. Plus I have all the gears and the truck. Long story short, we got there. then I started to drill my bro's buddy's hole first, to show 'em how to start the auger and do the drilling.( they have one but it's the one by hand, drilling by hand through 15-17 inch of ice sucks). Anyways they had all theirs drill. then I drilled mine. while they stared to set-up their pop up.
My auger is 10 1/4 inch. As they were doing that I pulled my pop up outta of my trunk. the I was saying to 'em to be careful cuz they could  fall into the hole.As I was about to say the 1st word...one of my bro"s buddy didn't look at where he was standing and his left leg fell all the way down the hole. Lucky it wasn't cold tat day. but I asked if he was fine. cuz if not and his whole leg was wet, we could call it a day N go home.(you know wet, you're uncomfortable) but he said he was fine.. Sorry it's not tat funny, but I had to say it while it's fresh in my head.

[MSV]

Ohyo! I thought this story would explain why hmoob hloov npe tshiab mus rau lub npe laus @ a certain point in their lives na. Ua cas es....? Thanks for the translated version too....tabsis zaj hauv hmoob zoo nyeem zog.