Expression in vain

[SleeplessBeauty]

Since the day you left, every waking moments are spent missing you
Your battle is now over, no more pain, no more suffering
You can finally rest in peace
But my heart is empty and my world fallen
My heart ache with sadness and tears secretly flow in silence
How do I live in a world without you?
How can I accept your destiny?
“I Love You” was never uttered; just the person in me
Until your last breath, “ I love You” was all I could cry out
So much to be said but regrets are all I have to ponder on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGTUlC2kthc

[SleeplessBeauty]

I feel your pain and I can honestly say that I understand how you are feeling. For I lost my father as well. In time, it will get a bit easier. Let me know if you need someone to talk to. *hug*

Thanks. thaum nws ua neeg nyob, yus tsis txawj hlub nws. Nws mus lawm yus hlub nws tsis txawg tag los nws tsis rov los lawm.

Did you listen to the song? not the best voice but I love the melody and lyrics.

[SleeplessBeauty]

ST, I love the song and your poems. Tseem sau npaum twg los hais tsis tag yus txoj kev hlub li.

[SleeplessBeauty]

Scene and scent of funeral was always frightful
Being by your side was peaceful
I held it in; told myself you are in a better place
Don’t dwell on changes I cannot face
Many came to say their farewells, near and far
A well-respected, honorable man you are

As Txiv Xaiv hu zaj nkauj “Tu Saib”   
I held my head up as I sat there   
The end is truly near, I feared
In silence, I sobbed as you made your way to heaven
The end is finally here, I’ve fallen into depression

An episode I fell, uncontrollably I cried
An utterance of my sorrow, it is finally good-bye
Never before, my body weakened
A moment stood still in a burred, as I felt beaten
No words can express my distress
In despair I suddenly fell so fast

A fearful place I usually dread
At your place to rest
The day was most beautiful
A moment so memorable
Farewell as we part
Forever you will be in our heart

[SleeplessBeauty]

It’s so beautiful outside I realized today while driving in to work. So green and earthly. The blossom trees I’ve been waiting for has finally bloomed. I was so sure I wasn’t going to get to see them before my leave. They are so beautiful and the closest resemblance to cherry and peach blossom. They are what I will miss about MN.

I’ve been meaning to spend some times outdoor at the park during lunch but been busy. Finally, I stepped out today. For the last eight years during this time of the year till September, I’d do my walk few rounds at this park right out front of the campus. There are some hidden areas where I would spend my times by myself to re-evaluate life. The rhythm flow of the man-made streams gave me a sense of peace and calmness. This place will definitely be missed.

[SleeplessBeauty]

Today is the day. I will miss everyone here at work. They are a bunch of great people to work and it was a pleasure knowing each and every one of them.  Some of whom I’ve become great friends with. Supported and guided me through work as well as my personal dilemma.

Maria - about 20 years older but we have such a great bond though we are so opposite. She’s a rough neck and so blunt about everything. I guess what connected us was she’s been exposed to hmong people and understood us more than the rest. Her son’s ex-girlfriend is hmong and she still hold a great relationship with her. Ironically, the ex-girlfriend is married to one of my ex-boyfriend.

Tammi - turning 50 next month but she looks so good for her age. She keeps up with her work out routine and is very conscious of what she consumes. Her dream job is to become a Nutritionist. We are about the same body frame and size.  I only wish I look half as good when I’m her age. Granted, she doesn’t have any kids. We became really good friends and I looked up to her for advise and support since she’s work here way longer. Very knowledgeable and positive person.

Tina - my boss from the very beginning.  Though I disagreed with her on a lot of work related issues, she is always so caring and passionate about our personal life. One time I broke down and cried in front of her due to some personal dilemma at home. Thinking about it now, I’m embarrassed and ashamed that happened. 

Though it’s my last day, it doesn’t feel any different but it will be weird to have a different routine comes tomorrow and beyond. Regardless, I’m excited and looking forward to this new adventure and the future ahead. 

[SleeplessBeauty]

Been up tossing and turning. So much happened yesterday. Still a lot ahead in the next week. It was hard to say good-bye to yesterday. So many folks stopped by to wish me the best and I have never hugged so many people before. Though I am so happy to leave that chaotic place, I will miss everyone. They've been like a second family and are great friends. They surprised me with food, a gift card and a card filled with heart warming messages. I hope to never lose it. Need to add whole bunch of them on FB so we can keep in touch.

Well, on to the next chapter.

[proudlao]

Sleep, I understand your pain and I am coping the best I could as well. I think of him often, some good and some are not so much. I do my best to dedicate my life to my only child and so far it's been nothing but beautiful. I do wish he could see me today, but somehow I can feel him and I am happy.
 
Good luck with everything, hope your move will be a smooth one and may you find the path a little easier.