when she cries...

[LION HEART]

Folks:
This is my first time posting in here so bear with me as I try this out.  Not sure if I'm supposed to post this in here but it's awful poetry as I've no concept of poetry, stanzas, and so forth but thought I'd share.


When She Cries
when i heard her cry at night
it burned beneath my tan skin
she didn't know i heard her when she cried
with much passion welling from deep withiN
She tried to cover her scars and pain
but she cried over and over again

as each tear rolls down from her eyes
alas no longer could i bear it
after my beating heart gave in
it killed me just a little each time
so i pull her into me and asked her to listen
as i whisper to her:  YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER.


Thank you for reading.  All critiques welcome.

[tRouBLe]

Nice, LH.  Very insightful and profound.     I bet she'll appreciate it as well.   

[J-a-s-o-n]

Awesome.  Do share more. 

[LION HEART]

Thanks, everyone.  This isn't about one person in particular.  It's just about that moment when you all you can do is comfort someone whether if it's a friend, a spouse, or whomever in a situation and in that moment...  all you can do listen.  Sometimes, that's all we need is someone to listen to us; even if it's nonsense. 

And to be honest, I wrote this as someone who has cheated on their partner.  He knows that she loves him deeply but he no longer returns those feelings.  However, he knows he is wrong and he accepts it but he is ambigious not knowing what is going to happen next.  Is he going to fix their relationship or is he leaving for the other woman?  All he can do in that moment is listen meanwhile acknowledging that he is wrong. 

What is the next step?

[J-a-s-o-n]

Who is it?,

[LION HEART]

But you spelled her name out in your poem.. so, it is to ONE person only. 

It was just a coincidence. 

[tRouBLe]

But you spelled her name out in your poem.. so, it is to ONE person only. 

I preferred the original version as well.  It's more unique and meaningful, even if it didn't depict her/your situation.   A reader could still feel the strong connection and grief between the two.   

[LION HEART]

I preferred the original version as well.  It's more unique and meaningful, even if it didn't depict her/your situation.   A reader could still feel the strong connection and grief between the two.   

Yes. I do too.

Okay fine... it was for someone.  The poem had a hidden message only keen eyes could decipher.  All the capital letters read this:

SWEET_TEARS:  YOU DESERVE BETTER.

    

[LION HEART]

Another I wrote:

SEVEN:FORTY-NINE
storms shattered before the calm
as he struck her with his palm
blood splattered over lip balm
to another his heart belongs
and he knows that he is wrong
a marriage many years long
comes to an end; love's now gone

[LION HEART]

Good try! 

Sweet Tears, ma cherie... you're the only one for me. 

[LION HEART]

This sound like an address or prefix of some sort of cell phone number. LOL Don't mind me.. 

LOL It's called SEVEN:FORTY-NINE because there are seven sentences and seven syllabus in each sentence.  Thus, seven multiplied by seven equates to forty-nine.  It could also be interpreted as 49 years of marriage gone in seven seconds (with that slap).

But if you want my phone number, it is 651-867-5309.  Call me later, snuggle muffins.   Don't forget to ask for JIMMY.

[tRouBLe]

I actually like that it's all in caps and it can seem a contradiction, BUT I interpreted the words in caps as "great meaning" and not necessarily "yelling/screaming."   Now if he put an exclamation mark at the end, then I would have had a totally different interpretation of it.