Dear Dolly,
If your kindness and giving make you feel sad, please free yourself so you may be happier. Not every human is the same. Some people have gratitude toward your kindness while some will not. Only do as you can. If having a reputation that you are kind and loving make you feel sad, the reputation isn't worth it. So do only at what you can and be happy then disregard what others will say about you.
For me, I feel that the hardest and most depressed thing is to please someone while I am deeply hurt.
I would recommend you and your husband move out to be on your own.