The reason she wants to abort the baby is because she doesn't know who the father of the baby is. She's afraid, very afraid of losing you, right now! You are her shelter, supporter, and home. She's very afraid because she knows that the other man wasn't giving her pleasure. He was just torturing her and succeeded at wrecking the heart of the home, you!
Understand that everything that you are is a representation of your mother, father, brothers, and sisters. When you are hurt, they are also hurt. They too have spent time loving her as their daughter in law and sister in law. Of course they want her out of your life when they see your tears, your pain, and distress. No one will ever have a heart-to-heart talk with you other than your family. They will tell you the good, the bad, and the most disgusting and ugly things that you don't want to hear about your situation but it is the honest truth of how they feel.
Despite everything they have to say, you are the one who holds the hammer. You need to wake up and stand up for who you are as a husband, a brother, and a man. What this mean is that whatever decision you make, don't forfeit along the way. It is not a death sentence but it shows your spirit, your strength, and your will...which determines whether you are going to make it through during the hard times.
If you want to know if the baby is yours, a DNA test can be done after 12 or 14 weeks. This will cost up to $1K-3K depending where you go. $1K-3K is nothing if this is your baby, you're going to be so damn happy. If it's not your baby, it's going to make you so damn happy because this baby will help you make a better decision on whether you want to continue your marriage or let it all go.
If you decide to continue your marriage with her whether you guys keep the baby or not, please understand if she even wants to be with you anymore. Being with someone who no longer wants to be with you is like keeping them in jail and keeping a watch on everything they do to ensure that they are behaving. Do you really want to live like that? Understand that a person who wants to mend and heal a marriage is going to be different than a person who is only seeking shelter because they are afraid of the dark.
Honestly though, if she really wants to save her marriage, honor you as her husband and love your entire family as her own from the bottom of her heart, she would already fork up the $1-3K and prepared all the proper documentations to do the DNA test in the case that this is your child. She would already gotten on her knee and own up to her mistakes in front of every family member of yours that has every nurtured and loved her as their own. She would have already have a heart to heart talk with your mother even if your mother don't give a damn about her because you both are still married so she is still your mother's daughter in law. Traditionally, she would already fork up money on her own to kill a cow and prepare to fix you the Hmong way. If she really wants to be with you, she'd do anything to save this marriage even if you are not asking for her to do anything.
/muchhearttoyouboth