Bloggerdigest: What you're going through is normal. The first 5 years of marriages are the toughest because it's the "make or break" period. You finally married and get to see the good, the bad, and the ugly side of a person and find ways to make it work. Some people throw in the towel because too much work while others keep at it, grow from it, and find a way to make it work. What you don't want to do is be an enabler. Let him see the consequences of not doing his part. Ex: Let the snow pile up, let the grass grow, etc... eventually he will start to see the value of his contribution or lack of.
Oh, don't listen to the Poster. He just want you to be part of the statistic so he can "mack" on you. Listen to someone who has yearssssssssss ssssssssssssss of experience:) - been there, done that.
That is the hard part, because I know there are more things to come, learn and grow from as it is still early in marriage....
But at the same time part of me is saying if he isn't going to change, why would he 5+ years from now.
I am still young and don't have a lot tying me down that I can't just get up leave and really focus on myself.
Some would say that is selfish, but at the same time I don't. I invested a lot into us already and part of me keeps saying it's ok, he's not as bad as others.
I know I still have a lot of learning. I am still in my early 20's, the majority of friends I have left now are into their late 20's to early 30's.
I can't be a kid and be the person whom just let's things pile up. It bugs me!
People can say, "Well if it bugs you then you do it yourself!"
Well that is not what marriage is about, it's about compromising and doing things that "adulting homeowners" should do.
For example, just the other night his older sister (My sister in law) called me. She and her husband got into an argument and she asked to stay at my house for a few nights. I told her it was fine to come over as she is always welcomed. I knew the guest bedroom was a mess as we tend to sometimes use that room as storage. So I asked him to help me clear things out and tidy it up a it. He got annoyed because I was already not letting him game. He then proceeded to say there is no point to cleaning it, it's just his sister coming over and that I didn't need to do it!
Just yesterday, on my way home from work...
His sister called me and asked if I would like to shadow her on her showings.
I am actually in the process of also getting my real estate license so I of course jumped on the opportunity.
I get home and get ready to go to the showings. He starts throwing a tantrum because I hid his controllers. I told him I am not in the right state to argue with him about it and he needs to drop it.
He proceeds to call me stupid for hiding his stuff and that if I am going to hide his game then I can not go shadow his sister at her showings. I ignore and tell him he does not need to game and that I am going with his sister to a show.
Anyways I am at the show and he blows up my phone asking about his controllers. I told him to stop it and that I do not want to argue over the phone. He told me to come home and that we can argue. I told him he does not need to game that he needed to grow up. There was plenty of things that he can get done in or around the house instead of gaming and he told me I was mean. Then told me that everyone already thinks that of me. Anyway fast forward... I come home to nothing being done of course. He's upstairs on his phone still in his work clothes. Pizza he fed his niece is still on the dinning table, his lunch bag was still on the counter full of his used tupper-ware, he didn't feed his dog the food I had bought and brought home before the showings, the rice that was on the counter was not cooked so not sure what he ate while I was gone.... I couldn't leave stuff un-kept so what did I do? I cleaned up, made dinner, loaded up the washer and still bothered to ask if he wanted to eat and to cook a second meal for him to pack to work.
I hate being an enabler and being the one to make him seem like he never has to worry about anything or me leaving. I can't not, not be the person who just doesn't care. I know my problem is caring too much! Sometimes I wish he would just know or experience what it's like to have to do everything on his own... Without his family and I.
Sorry for the life story, but yeah... I kinda figured hence one of the PH'ers did say send me a pic, if you cute we can talk and blah blah etc.
