I had a conversation with a Hmong person not too long ago and this person told me that while they appreciate other people helping them out in their time of need, they resent that those same people that helped them out "expect" them to return the favor when they need help.
Personally, I love this part about our culture where we help each other out. It's just sort of an unspoken rule that we shouldn't expect others to help us out if we didn't go and help them out in the past. For many of us, we were taught to help out kwv tij neej tsa (our relatives). I just thought it was a given that everyone understood this and valued this about our culture. But I have been learning more and more that some people, especially the more modernized and Americanized Hmong people, do not like to feel obligated to help out their relatives. However, they will not say no when their relatives help them out either. They will gladly take the help but when it's time for them to return the favor, they feel resentment and ask "why do these people expect us to go and help out?"
I think this Hmong way of helping each other out is due to our way of life and our animalistic/shamanistic religion. When we hu plig or ua neeb, we sacrifice animals to our ancestors. When we sacrifice animals, we like to butcher the animals and make a feast out of the animals. When we make a feast, we need all hands on deck and in the kitchen to help prepare the feast. A family only has so many hands to do everything, so we rely on our relatives to help us butcher the animals and help us cook the meals. Then when our relatives hu plig or ua neeb, we go and help them cook also.
I feel that eventually this Hmong way of life (helping each other out) will disappear because as the elders pass on, the younger generations will no longer hu plig or ua neeb. And when they do throw parties (graduation parties, birthday parties, etc) the younger generations will likely just cater the food. But for now anyway, I still value the Hmong way of helping each other out.
(I don't know why a person would feel resentment at helping someone who's helped them out in the past. This kind of thinking just doesn't make sense to me. Yog tsis muaj kev sib pab ces lub neej yuav tu siab heev. It's nice to help those that have helped you out in the past. If someone helps you out and you feel like you don't want to help them then, eventually, when you throw a party no one will show up. How lonely will that be?)