It's Easy To Do This, But Can You Do This?

[Believe_N_Me]

Logic over feelings.

I've left relationships because it made more sense logically to do so than to stay because of the strong love I had for them.

The deciding factor for me is when a person's character no longer aligns with what I expect from a partner. I'm willing and able to let go. It may be very heartbreaking but I know that in the long run it will give me the much needed peace of mind to have a stable life.

I've always been able to easily forgive actions. I just can't be with a person's character that doesn't meet expectations. They won't change. I've learned the hard way a couple of times.

For example, if my partner cheats I look at his character first. Is this a person who is easily tempted and opens himself to many opportunities to cheat, or is this an isolated incident to who he is?

If it's the first then I definitely can't be with him because he will always be prone to cheating. If it's the latter than we can work together to ensure it never happens. He can evaluate himself and recognize that it was a mistake in which he acted out of character.

[Believe_N_Me]

I believe that marriage is more than just a physical union with duties and obligations. It is a spiritual union.

[DuMa]

The combination is different for everyone.  What works for you may not be what is working for me and vice versa. 

What you are doing is trying to justify yourself so that you can move on without any remorse.  IF you could of gone back in time and make a different decision to get a different outcome, you probably do it but this is reality and we can not go back in time.  What you have now is what you are getting, end of story.  You seek what you sow kinda. 

I'm a transitional guy.  Yesterday, my game plan was different but as I get older, I have changed my game plans.  I date, not for love but for some sugar.  It gets old and routine and it became tasteless.  What I do know is that I can get numbers (quantity and not quality) and with numbers, I can work on a relationship.  What this does is that it protects me for the what if down the line.  What if I get divorce or what if she dumps me or what if I ghost her, CAN I Move on?  The answer is yes.  I can easily replace her.  The fact that I'm giving all that up just to be with her is my deal to this word called loyalty. 

Loyalty is important.  I chose, I gave up and bless are those I even given that chance.  I'm sure she will never get to see my testament but if only she knows what I'm worth, what I gave up just to commit.   

[Believe_N_Me]

Moving on is very hard at first. However, if you give your best to someone and they just don't love you then there is not much more you could've done to make it work.

[Dok_Champa]

No, can't do logic over feelings or feelings over logic.  You know when you know 

[DuMa]

You got to ask yourself.  Can logic be wrong and can feelings be wrong? 

We don't want to be wrong but in this lifetime, there is something that is more than logic or feeling to make it right.  Logic and feelings can not beat out Mr. Luck.  If you have a good feeling that you don't love them that much or fallen out of love with them and logic dictates that you will be poor or this is the wrong relationship but by the end of day, you guys are still together, how can you explain this? 

This is where some people put their faith in a 3rd order and that is the hands of God.  Win or lose, I trust god.  Bottom line 

[Believe_N_Me]

I prayed to God for true love. He sent me someone with a lot of major red flags. Under normal circumstances I wouldn't even consider this person, but I can't figure out why I'm attracted to him. This person doesn't check off any boxes on my list.

So I'm thinking, "God is testing me. I prayed for true love and He sent me someone I'm logically not attracted to. But if I want true love, then I must accept him as is. That is true love."

The list of cons outweigh the list of pros on this one, and yet the heart is struggling to let go. 

So what is true love? It's easy to love someone who meets all your expectations, but the longer I know this person, the more his red flags are blaring. I start to feel anxious, insecure, and I'm overthinking EVERYTHING. This person actually isn't so great towards me come to think of it.  

What childhood trauma is this person triggering that is causing codependency and an unhealthy attachment? I deserve more than breadcrumbs. I break it off over the phone. He is shocked. It doesn't sound like he's ever been verbally dumped before. I tell him that "I don't think we should continue and it's not because I don't like you or that we're incompatible. For some reason, our relationship makes me feel anxious and I don't think that's a good way to feel. I actually don't even know why I like you so much. Okay, well I guess that's it. Bye."

I don't like having unhealthy attachments because it's not true love. It isn't God testing me at all. It is a manipulative person who caught me at a very vulnerable point in my life. This person was love-bombing me hard until he gained my trust, and then began acting distant. That's why I felt insecure, confused, anxious, and more. Plus, there was something shady about him. He knows what it is. They always gaslight you once you're onto them.

I must remember to always trust my intuition when I feel that things are off. People get mad and will accuse me of being over analytical, critical, a know-it-all, etc. Wrong. I just have strong intuition that can pick up when people are shady. If you're not shady then I don't pick up things about you, and the universe doesn't conspire to out your lies.

You'd have to be a psychopath for me to miss the signals. I've come across one to know. 

[Believe_N_Me]

You got to ask yourself.  Can logic be wrong and can feelings be wrong? 

We don't want to be wrong but in this lifetime, there is something that is more than logic or feeling to make it right.  Logic and feelings can not beat out Mr. Luck.  If you have a good feeling that you don't love them that much or fallen out of love with them and logic dictates that you will be poor or this is the wrong relationship but by the end of day, you guys are still together, how can you explain this? 

This is where some people put their faith in a 3rd order and that is the hands of God.  Win or lose, I trust god.  Bottom line 

No matter what happens, I know who I'm suppose to be with.

[Believe_N_Me]

It's easy to break up with someone when you've had enough of their bad attitude, irresponsible behavior, lies, etc. But breaking up with someone whom you actually get along with and shared a great life with is tough.

Some mistakes are just too unforgivable, but it's too bleak out there. The stories I've heard from older singles sound hopeless. A lot of them already have default girlfriend/boyfriend it seems. Someone they keep at arm's length while they hope for the one to come along.

[DuMa]

It's easy to break up with someone when you've had enough of their bad attitude, irresponsible behavior, lies, etc. But breaking up with someone whom you actually get along with and shared a great life with is tough.

Some mistakes are just too unforgivable, but it's too bleak out there. The stories I've heard from older singles sound hopeless. A lot of them already have default girlfriend/boyfriend it seems. Someone they keep at arm's length while they hope for the one to come along.

These older singles, they have experiences and wasteful youth so their times have passed.  The time to wait for the one is long overdue.  They can not date for another 5 years.  If most, 2 years or less and get marry or quit, try again.  The older you get, the more risk you will take.  Like throwing darts, beggars don't have a choice so just take what's available. 

However, if they are a student of mine, I teaches them to pimp and play the field until the one falls onto your lap by accident.  Don't even look for the one because looking and seeking will disappoint you.  IF it is there than a big thank you but if it is not then you are still not out of business.  I kid you not.  Being single and playing the field is less stressful.  If today you feel like being single then you can.  If today, you want to feel like being taken and you can do that too.  Full time taken?  My gosh, the stress and anxiety that comes with it.  It is hard to upkeep it too.  Some people are not good with relationship just like some people should not have children.