An ageist is someone who discriminates on the basis of age. I grew up very traditional when it came to courtship so I was only ever attracted to older guys. I don't know if I just believed that they were more confident, smarter, wiser, and had better leadership qualities. Plus, my siblings and I were raised in between worlds, which means we're well-versed in both Hmong and American culture. I was practically born in America so it seemed like guys my age were too Americanized and lacked the sophistication of knowing how to navigate Hmong culture, and that really turned me off. After all, I still desired a husband who would know how to engage with the elders, know his role in traditional customs and so on. However, older guys have been very disappointing in the community, to say the least. They don't actually know how to have healthy relationships at all. Obviously, not all of them are this way but many from that generation 5-10 years before me can't really be trusted, and they have bigger egos. They're more wishy washy than expected. Not necessarily goal-oriented nor action-takers. So is it really surprising that many of these marriages are ending in divorce? Even the divorce/singles scene in that age group is dismal. Meanwhile, I notice that couples my age in my community are doing great. Not only do they have more harmonious relationships but they're also more financially well off. So maybe the husbands aren't charismatic around the elders and they need reminders/guidance on how to perform their roles in traditional Hmong rituals and customs, but their wives seem pretty content and again.
I have a friend in her early 50s who remarried a man in his mid 40s. At first it just seemed weird but then I had to remember that a 45-year-old is a full blown grown adult. She really isn't robbing the cradle at all. Plus, this guy had his own place, a good career, no baby momma, no health ailments, etc. Which is a lot more than I can say for the 50+year old men who were pursuing her prior to this relationship of hers. They were all pretty much hobosexuals seeking a woman to provide stability and nurse their health-related issues. lol Plus, many of them had a history of relationships filled with drama because the older they were, the more body counts they had and a trail of angry exes.
Women are just so apprehensive about giving a younger guy a chance. Maybe they should let go of those fears and judgment. Nobody is telling them to go get a 20-year-old mos ab from Laos. These are fully grown adult males living in the USA who have been working hard, planning for the future, trying to put down roots, and are looking for a sophisticated woman to partner up with. If they're Americanized, then they haven't been married with a house full of kids either.
