"Situationship" is not a relationship

[Believe_N_Me]

All these terms are fascinating.

Therapists, counselors, and relationship experts do not view cohabitating boyfriend/girlfriend as having a relationship but a "situationship".

A situationship can have all the appearance and perks of a relationship but without the commitment, obligations, and expectations of a real romantic partner.

Those who have been in a situationship, especially if they've been in more than one, are more likely to have a higher divorce rate should they get married. Whether that is to the situationship partner or to a new person. 

Situationships do not help the parties involved to develop healthy patterns of relationship behavior. In fact, it is the opposite, according to therapist Suzanne Venker. Why? Because a situationship sets up the parties involved how to find the negatives and red flags in their partner in order to justify ending the connection. In other words, these people get together to break up. Think of it this way, "let's live together and act like husband and wife, so that we can find out if I really want to marry you." Well of course you would only be looking for the negatives.

And once they identify the negatives, there is no obligation to reconcile when the entire purpose was to look for red flags so that you can exit. Whereas in a marriage, you are there to reconcile and work together through the red flags. Each partner is more willing to work through challenges in order to keep the marriage.

Situationships teach the parties involved how to perfect a breakup. They're used to it and view it as a good option - in fact, the only solution to conflict.

Those who have been in one or more situationship have a more pessimistic view about marriage and are least likely to enter one. I'm not saying that marriage is the only kind of connection to have. If two consenting adults are okay with a situationship then by all means, do whatever floats their boat. But just know that the situationship has a guaranteed ending - it's kind of the purpose. You're only in it for as long as it is convenient and enjoyable.

However, the ending of a situationship doesn't come without grief, heartbreak, disappointment, and trauma. In fact, some might say it is more traumatizing than a divorce. With a divorce, the parties involved can at least say that they gave it their best shot. They don't have to wonder the what ifs, and they don't feel taken advantage of. Something that cannot be said about a situationship. One party, particularly the woman, always feel like she was used and misled. Because the woman tends to invest more emotionally, often times financially as well, in a situationship since she is hoping that it would turn into a full commitment. And she feels pressured to prove herself as good enough for him to commit to. Unless of course this is a dynamic where she is a gold-digger, then the man will feel a lot of anger when it ends. 

Also, people who were in a situationship carry their negative experience and developed bad behaviors into the next relationship. They project all their insecurities and pessimism onto the new person. The same reasons that people hesitate to marry a divorced person can be true for why someone would hesitate to get with a person who was in a situationship. Again, a situationship may not have involved full commitment, but it certainly included many of the perks and pitfalls of a marriage. And again, I always say worse since parties in a situationship never fully gave themselves so they're not even conditioned to know how to behave like a fully committed romantic partner.

Therapists are finding that the majority of their clients are those who were in a situationship rather than a marriage. Modern dating and feminism have moved the culture away from marriage and more people are getting into a situationship. Therapists are saying that this has changed the way they practice because those suffering from a situationship breakup are having a more difficult time healing. Furthermore, they get into another situationship or find themselves divorced when they marry. This is why we're seeing a dramatic increase in divorce rates. It's not just divorced people remarrying and divorced. It includes never-been married people whose had a situationship that don't know how to cultivate a healthy marriage.

[Believe_N_Me]

IMHO, if I had to choose between a divorced man and a man who came from a longterm situationship, I'd prefer the divorced man.

The divorced man has experience in being in a fully committed marriage. He is conditioned to behave as someone who is fully committed. Now whether or not he acted appropriate in his marriage is something that can be easily tested. It's more important that he knows what is expected of him in a marriage and can accept accountability if he didn't do those things in his marriage.

The situationship man is not conditioned to perform his role as a fully committed person. In fact, he's been getting his cake and eating it, too. He'll be more likely to be set in that way, and expect to have his cake and eat it, too, in a marriage. He won't see that anything he did in the situationship was inappropriate or hurtful because he didn't view himself as fully committed. Therefore, there was never any obligation on his part to meet the expectations.

[Believe_N_Me]

It appears that someone whose only known situationships are similar to people who were promiscuous at an early age.

For example, the experts say that women who had sex early in their teens (whether by consent or coercion) are more promiscuous. They believe sex is love. All their relationships are based on sex and not deep connections. They struggle to have a deep, loving connection because it's not normal to them. Sex-based relationships are short-lived. Therefore, they do go on to have more sex partners because they're always chasing that high.

This is the same with a person whose only had situationships . They need drama, conflict, push and pull energy, and tension to feel that it's love. Despite saying that they just want peace, they don't feel loved if their partner isn't creating drama. They need their partner to feel jealous, insecure, anxious, and chase them in order to feel valued and desired. The situationship creates uncertainty (has a lot of highs and lows, hot and cold energy, which keeps their emotions on high at all times.) It's like a fire that is always lit under their feet. It stimulates them to feel like they have a relationship. Therefore, they can go from one situationship to another and are more than likely to only have situationships .

Healthy relationships can be boring. While there is excitement when the parties involved spend time together in a shared activity, the majority of it is really uneventful. This is not enough stimulation for the situationship person. It's as if nothing is there for them. They really need to feel high and low energy. 

A lot of situationship people stay longer with a tumultuous (sometimes even toxic) partner and will discard someone who is a secure attachment.

A situationship person tends to have a dismissive/fearful avoidant attachment disorder and gravitate towards severe anxious people. They're really attracted to secure attachments (because it's who they deeply desire to be with, would like to see in themselves, and recognize is a good thing), but eventually feel too intimidated and unworthy to be with one. They'll always discard the secure person if the secure person hasn't already walked away first. Mostly because secure people want a fully committed relationship and not a situationship. This is too overwhelming for the situationship person who feels that a relationship has too many obligations and responsiblitie s. Situationship people want to avoid that. They just want the benefits.

[JonniJacko]

Women are the stronger counterpart of beings. The obstacles and challenges they face during their lifetime. It's not really hard to understand women if he puts in the time and effort to recognize that his default thinking has holes. Too many holes. Lols some men are bless to naturally have it down. Most like myself, gotta learn it the hard way. The difference now is which man is willing to accept the flaws, change and correct it, and be
the man God intended him to be in this modern society. He must be willing to exchange his own sake for her love, otherwise only children and dogs can be love unconditionall y by a woman. Lol

[Believe_N_Me]

Women are the stronger counterpart of beings. The obstacles and challenges they face during their lifetime. It's not really hard to understand women if he puts in the time and effort to recognize that his default thinking has holes. Too many holes. Lols some men are bless to naturally have it down. Most like myself, gotta learn it the hard way. The difference now is which man is willing to accept the flaws, change and correct it, and be
the man God intended him to be in this modern society. He must be willing to exchange his own sake for her love, otherwise only children and dogs can be love unconditionall y by a woman. Lol

Yeah, one can even say that it's a "curse". 

[JonniJacko]

Yeah, one can even say that it's a "curse". 

It's always been the Asian women standing up to most of these anti Asian hate crimes in recent years. Lol