Couples Who Hate Each Other But Won't Part Ways

[Believe_N_Me]

Better the devil you know, then the devil you don't know.

There was a married couple in our community where the husband detested his wife. He felt a lot of vitriol towards her, and she hated him, too. He had a side chick whom he wouldn't marry because the wife was one of those "heev heev" type and therefore, it would've been too much drama for him. As if there wasn't already drama.    Btw, the side chick was an older single woman who couldn't bear children so she was a perfect option for the husband. Anyways, the husband coped by working all the time and then on weekends he'd go hunting and fishing all day and night. Just to show how much the husband didn't want to be in the marriage, he wouldn't even stay for their own family gatherings. No one ever saw much of him except as he was leaving for work. This guy loved over-time or something, and since he was a white-collar professional, he always used work an excuse not to be home. And then of course, hunting was his coping mechanism for stress. 

The wife wasn't a great person either. She was highly critical of the husband and berated him at every opportunity. Then she would weaponize his reactions by talking in public about how bad he was, and how he didn't love her. This went on for decades until his health deteriorated and he had a stroke. At that point, he was really at her mercy and that's when she would gloat. She provoked fights by bringing up the side chick, knowing that he was debilitated and couldn't speak. Every time she had to feed or bathe him, she'd say things like, "yom, cov neeg siab phem mas yeej npam tiag." One day, despite being immobilized, the husband was able to get a hold of his hunting rifle and shot himself dead.

I have no encouraging words to say to these toxic couples. The wife stayed in the marriage only because she wanted to torment him for all the times that he mistreated her. While he only stayed because despite her being "heev heev" and not someone he desired, she was the industrious type who got things done around the house. And not to mention, she was good with money, didn't cheat, and was useful to him in those ways. She also came from a good family and that also benefitted him because he had none.

[Believe_N_Me]

Note to any man or woman about to be a side dish for people who claim to be in a toxic relationship/marriage:

THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO LEAVE BECAUSE YOU'RE DEALING WITH A "HOBOSEXUAL". lol

Okay, maybe not a hobosexual but you gotta recognize that these people are not going to step up and be a partner who builds with you. Simply look at who they're with and why. If their partner is so abusive then why don't they just leave? Well, it's because your person lacks any type of self-sufficiency and depends on their partner to fill that gap. They'll put up with all the biatchiness so long as they don't actually have to make important decisions and do the heavy lifting. They're using your kindness and loving energy to substitute for what they will never get from their partner. Even if they do eventually leave, it isn't going to be a clean break. These cowards will actually give more ammo for their mean-spirited partner to continue the drama even years later. Do you really want that? It's obvious they choose the most "fatal attraction" type of person to commit to and now that they want to end things, they aren't going to go free. 

[Believe_N_Me]

Another true story.

When I was in high school I knew a couple who was coerced to marry because the girl visited the boyfriend and since he didn't drive, she couldn't find a ride home. Since the boy came from a single parent household (mom only), he was very scared of the consequences, but his clan members saw this as a convenient opportunity for him to get married. Needless to say, they got married. Unfortunately, the girl was never really in love or attracted to the boy and she only agreed to be his girlfriend because she wanted to feel cool. Keep in mind, they were only 15 years old so of course this is the mentality of some teenagers.

Anyways, right off the bat she was very cold and behaved as though she were a single girl. Throughout their entire marriage she would go off without him and even invite herself to hang out with men from her workplace, such as going fishing with them. She has even traveled out of state with people unbeknownst to the husband. These men didn't seem to be sexually interested her (but who really knows what happens out of sight). The mother-in-law didn't meddle because she was having her own drama, and she also knew that her son have challenges so the fact that he had a wife was good enough for her.

Decades later and this couple is still "married". The wife once told me the reason she stayed was because she didn't want the stigma of being a "divorcee". But most of all, the husband didn't complain about her having freedom while he was taking care of everything. This was a great arrangement for her.

There are some people who intentionally marry for this exact reason. They don't marry a person whom they're in love with. They marry someone who will manage the household, take care of their aging parents, and participate at clan gatherings, all the while they go out and have their fun. Some of the partners feel very heartbroken and experience a lot of mental anguish, while others don't complain about it because they just view this as their life. It reminds me of Olan from "The Good Earth". Wang Lung was never in love with her nor did he love her. He was cordial and transactional only. She performed her wifely duties and that was it.