indeed another week....or work, work, work. just trying to stay on top of things.
i'm hoping that the last of things get done with this month--it's suppose to. i'm still waiting to hear bout the last of this other "project" that MUST be done. Come on now ppl get ur shiat together and b done with it please--y do we want to stall things? cause it surely isn't helping anyone.
i dunno y...but i keep dreaming either about him...or I find myself waking up and he's the first thing on my mind. his face, his presence--he's there...he's here w me. don't get me wrong i'm more than delighted but at times it's confusing. he's not mine and i'm not his. i adore the guy and i'd be lying if i said i didn't want more. he doesn't know how i feel--i've not told him and not saying he's a clueless idiot...but i don't think he knows. he's a good friend and we do spend some time together--always laughing up a storm. he confides in me and i can read him like a book (i know him better than he knows himself)--which I think scares guys off (sorry, it's just something i'm good at--reading ppl--i can't help it).
do i think he feels the same? it's hard to say. as I've said, we joke around a lot--i take jabs at him and he does to me....flirting some may say--we do like to sib tawb each other quite often. but nothing is ever overboard and we don't take low blows at one another--friendly flirting is all it is. regardless, we look out for one another (like many guys he can get short tempered when he's drunk) so I keep an eye on him (from afar) or make sure he gets home safely....as he makes sure i'm taken care of (getting me drinks, accompanying me when we're out, etc.) and defends me if needed (although I'm usually very chill and i can take care of my own--so it's really not necessary--but i know he'd kick some arse if I needed the help).
But isn't this what friends do for each other? I'm a big over analyzer so I play things over n over n my mind and try to see things from others point of view. any other lil girl would quickly jump to say..."yeah, he likes me. of course otherwise y else would be buy me drinks and sit next to me?" But i don't c it as he's given me "special treatment". It's not like he's calling me out of the blue and hanging on the phone w me. He dances with girls while I'm next to him and talks about others potential girls (but nothing ever comes out of these potentials--all fall flat somehow). However, at the same time--we have this connection...w
here you can finish each others' sentences, when you have a conversation and w/o saying a word u know what he's thinking...and he knows what ur thinking as well. U know, those conversations when u don't talk with words but with ur eyes. It's like that when we joke around too....i can just look at him and we both laugh. Sometimes I even give him a hard time--u know, bust his balls and all he does is blush and laugh.
*sigh* i find myself in this position many times. but honestly, i've always wanted a life partner who is my friend--my best friend. someone who can finish my sentences for me and w/o a word know what i'm trying to say or think. but maybe i, myself want that so bad that i make things more than what they are. so is this all just my own imagination or is it real? are these dreams just my own fabrication of what i want? or could
he be trying to tell me something?
eh, whatever it is...friends or more--i'm OK with us just being us. i'm not one who demands to be luved. i'm not one who pushes one my way. i'd rather one c n me the greatness that i c n them. i don't settle but i don't make something out of nothing either. for what it's worth, i'm grateful to have such a person in my life--even if he's just a good friend.
