A traditional Hmong wedding continued ... (Lilly, I have been extremely busy lately, esp. this entire last week till today, so be patient and in the end, all will be worthwhile ...
As a matter of fact, upon this thread's (my) conclusion, one can literally apply this information/knowledge into actual practice - as needed and where applicable ...
... whereas, the general info. peppered throughout Google/WWW is just that -- "general info." and inapplicable per actual practice more or less.)
That said, after some analysis, a thought occurred to me that the best way to further discuss this subject matter, a "traditional Hmong wedding" from start to end, in order to minimize confusion and provide the maximum comprehension, is to break up each individual component, to best explain and elaborate on each -- such as the process, procedures, and materials/things required and/or needed and used.
There are several parts or components within a "traditional Hmong wedding", not just the actual wedding ceremony itself, at the inlaws' residency or "lub rooj tshoob ua noj ua haus tij neej tij tsav tij ntsuab tij ze." (Note: Both the groom and bride's side has their own parts/components to prepare, do, and execute, but within this discussion, only the groom's will be explained and elaborated on. I may or better yet someone else can discuss/explain the bride's part ...
)
The various facets (parts/components) of a "traditional Hmong wedding" are:
1. Go acquire the young lady to bring home for the exorcism/blessing -- "mus coj tus nkauj nyab los lwm qaib rau hauv vaj hauv tsev)
2. Deliver the message to her parents' of her elopement/marriage -- "mus fi xov"
3. After three days, or there after, but before the "wedding ceremony" have a "bride blessing ceremony -- "puv peb tag kis, hu nkauj nyab plig"
4. On the day of the scheduled/planned "wedding ceremony", have a breakfast (feast), to send off the group to the inlaws' for the wedding -- "ua rooj mov noj txhawb xa cov mus ua tshoob"
5. The actual "wedding ceremony" at the inlaws' -- "noj rooj tshoob"
6. Return home to conclude the wedding -- "rov los tsev los xaus tshoob tiam mej koob"
As one can see, there are actually six mandatory facets/parts of a "traditional Hmong wedding", which ironically one will not find per Google/WWW or any published book, article, or document that I know or am aware of, despite incessant "squawkers" squawking ignorantly ...
. For the most part, all that Google/WWW and most/all publication has to offer is focused on #5 -- providing general info. with tidbits and pieces from other parts where they see it or where it is applicable, or is excluded entirely. Yes, I am fully aware of the fact that there are other components or parts, such as "asking for the aid of wedding mediators" -- "mus thov mej koob" -- among others, but those are rather minor compared to the six mentioned above. And technically, those minor components/facets are actually found and are within one of the six mandatory facets/parts.
Now on to part #2: 2. Deliver the message to her parents' of her elopement/marriage -- "mus fi xov"
Remember, had the young man/son, informed his parents of his planned acquisition of the young lady, the two individuals tasked with the responsibility of "delivering the message to her parents' of her elopement/marriage", will be ready upon a moment's notice to go and deliver the message - "mus fi xov".
The two individuals tasked with this job will take with them: 1) the stripped ribbon, tied in 2 or 3 knots (see previous explanation) with roughly $200 -- "lub qe rau niam rau txiv" -- $300 if there is a second mom -- "rau niam yau" etc. 2) 1-2 carton of cigarettes - "mus tsab luam yeeb" and 3) some $20 bills - "nyiaj muab rau cov txiv neej tus pab txais xo" (Note: Items #1 and #2 is required/mandatory. Item #3 is optional thus no explanation will be given.)
Immediately after, even before - just depends, upon bringing the young lady/girl (or bride to be) home, the two individuals will part to the young lady's parents' house to deliver the message -- "mus fi xov". (Yes, make sure the parents are home, especially the father, before going. That's a no brainer. The norm nowadays is a common courtesy phone call is made.)
Upon arriving at the girl's parents' house, knock or ring the door bell. The first thing to ask after someone has answered the door is, "Is this the home of <girl's father's name>?" -- "Nyob zoo os, ntawm nod pus yog <Txiv ...> tsev os?"
Unless you went to a wrong location or was given an incorrect address, the two of you are being expected, so they will say, "Yes. Come in." -- "Yog kawg mad. Los tsev os." (DO NOT proceed to go in right away.)
Next ask, "Are there any rituals in place, that we may not enter?" -- "Nej pus caiv os?" (If there is, you CANNOT ENTER and will be told as such. But more times than not, there are none and you will be told and asked to enter.)
Before entering, take off your shoes. It is a sign (Hmong etiquette) of respect. Upon entering, the moment you see the young lady's father, the two messengers begin the "bowing/kowtow" process and say one of the following (Yes, there may be others too.):
1. "Thov niam thov txiv laud! (Hais tus tub txiv lub npe) tus tub hu ua (hais tus tub lub npe) nod tau coj tau niam thiab txiv tus ntxhais (hais tus ntxhais/nkauj nyab lub npe) mua lawm es niam txiv tom ub thov wb ob twg tuaj thoob lub xo rau niam rau txiv paub no nawb." (From a book.)
2. "Txiv os! Hnub nod peb tsev Hmoob (hais lub xeem) yawg/txiv (hais tus tub txiv lub npe) tus tub hu (hais tus tub lub npe) tuaj coj tau koj tus ntxhais hu ua (hais tus ntxhais lub npe) no lawm. Yog lid koj ua txiv txhob qhuaj txhob nrhiav. Peb coj mus nyob muaj chaw lawm nod nawb mog. (From a "sifu".)
Continue to say the same thing and bow/kowtow to each of these individuals: mom=niam, niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm, muam phauj yawg laus, niam dab laug txiv dab laug, nus tij nus kwv, poj koob yawg koob, tus coj tshoob coj kos, niam txiv ncej dab ncej qhua.
Once complete, take a seat and wait a minute or two, then immediately open a carton of cigarettes and give 2-each to the father per individual/persons mentioned above -- exactly as the ones in the bowing/kowtow. Lastly, give another 2-cigarettes and ask the following (about who is the family's/clan's wedding head/leader -- "tus coj tshoob coj kos"):
"Lus mas yuav hais li no rau koj ua txiv. Koj zam txoj kev dab rau wb os twg tub fiv xov thiab laud mog. Luag tej laus piv txoj lug hais tias lub hnub tsis zoo twb lub hli lo lus tsis zoo twb niam twb txi. Koj yog niam yog txiv lawm tsis tsim nyog yuav los nug koj laud. Tab sis koj txhob xav lis cas. Niam txiv tus coj noj coj ua coj tshoob coj kos nyob rau qhov twg. Yuav vam koj ua txiv ho qhia rau wb ob tug tub thoob xo es wb hos mus raws tuaj. Hnub nod yawg/txiv (hais npe) tus tub tuaj coj tau neb ua niam ua txiv tus ntxhais hu ua (hais npe) no lawm. Yog lid wb tuaj thoob lub xo rau neb ua niam ua txiv mas yuav vam nws tuaj txais lub me xo no laud mog." (This is expected and even required/mandatory, being part of this process, even if the inquired/said person/individual -- "tus coj tshoob coj kos" -- has already arrived, is present, and sitting next to the father or among you. If they have not arrived or whatever reasons, then it is your responsibility to go and fetch him, unless told otherwise.)
Once this question has been asked, the father's response, will lead to what needs to be done next. Let's say the person, "tus coj tshoob coj kos", is present and has been pointed out by the father. One then immediately approach him and give him 2-cigarettes each, exactly what was done previously for all individual/persons, ending with 2-cigarettes for him, or the one receiving the message -- "ib kab (2-cigaretttes) rau tus tsawb tshoob tsawb kos".
Next give another 2-cigarettes to him again along with the stripped ribbon with its tied knots and say the following:
"Lus mas yuav hais li no rau koj tus tsawb tshoob tsawb kos los yog tus coj. Hnub no niam txiv xeem (hais xeem) tus tub tuaj coj tau niam txiv tus ntxhais hu ua (hais tus ntxhais/nkauj nyab lub npe) no lawm. Yog lid niam txiv txooj xeem (hais xeem) tau thov kom wb tuaj pab thoob lub xo rau niam txiv. Yog li qhov me no yog txoj me siv ceeb tuaj thoob lub xo rau niam thiab txiv. Tog no yog $60 ntaus txhuv tsis paub fab hno rau ib tsoom niam hlob txiv hlob, niam ntxawm txiv ntxawm, poj koob yawg koob, nus tij nus kws. Hos tog no yog $20 ntaus lub me xo rau niam rau txiv kom txhob quaj txhob nrhiav no nawb mog."
After this, pull out the $200-$300 etc., and say the following:
"Lus mas hais lid no thiab. Qhov me no yog tam li ob (or peb, yog muaj niam yau etc.) lub me qe rau niam rau txiv xwb. Txawm hais tias tsis raug ntsej raug muag los kom niam txiv txhob xav li cas txhob tu siab no mog."
Then give $20 to the person as well and say:
"Qhov me nod yog ib kab me yeeb rau koj. Hnub no vam koj tuaj tsawv tshoob tsawb kos los cuag li tsis muaj ib kab zoo yeeb rau koj los txhob tu siab no mog." (Note: If there are other adult men present, from the bride's side present, then give each $20 as well.)
Once complete, the two messengers (ob tug tub fiv xo), will have to bow/kowtow all the person/individuals again, saying the following:
"Thov txiv os! Hnub no Niam Txiv Xeem (hais xeem) tuaj coj tau koj ua niam ua txiv tus ntxhais lawm yog lis yuav tsawg koj ib sab tes no nawb mog. Koj ua niam ua txiv txhob quaj txhob nrhiav mog." (Note: Loosely translated for non-literate Hmong, it means, "Father, please forgive us. Today, the "insert surname) clan has wed your daughter thus you are short one household member and/or helper. Please do not cry/be sad or pursue/look for her.")
After this, take a short one to two minute break, then proceed to ask the person receiving the message when the family of the bride is available to schedule the "wedding ceremony" -- "seb niam txiv xyeej lub ncaij lub nyoog twg yuav tuaj ntsuas dej ntsuas txhuv tis ntsuab tis ze, ua tshoob noj kos". If he knows or has already confirmed this with the bride's father/family, then you will be informed; otherwise other plans and arrangements will have to be made. Whichever, you will be informed prior to your departure.
Once you have been informed accordingly then excuse yourself and proceed to vacate the residency -- "los mus tsev xaus fi xov". However, do not forget to INFORM/TELL, either in person back at their home or via phone, the groom's father/family about any discrepancies, mistakes, challenges, obstacles, and especially the scheduled date of the "wedding ceremony" that you ran into, have been told, or had to resolve ("lam") and/or agreed upon so that during the day of the "wedding ceremony" any and all things can be dealt with accordingly, smoothly, and peacefully -- "kom tsis muaj lus ntaug lus xaiv".
This concludes "2. Deliver the message to her parents' of her elopement/marriage -- "mus fi xov"."
Ua tsaug ...