Time Capsule

[Believe_N_Me]

There are some people waiting to take advantage of your vulnerability because they need your energy to distract them from whatever dysfunction they're dealing with at home and in their life. But as soon as that dysfunction becomes manageable, they will disappear on you.

[Believe_N_Me]

Some people stay where they are because the dysfunction has become normalized. When it gets too bad, they simply pursue new and exciting things until the dysfunction becomes manageable again.

Just because a couple goes through rough patches, if they can still get favors out of each other then they will most likely never completely detach. These people grow accustomed to compartmentali zing their relationships. It's like "niam hlob niam yau". They don't have lovey-dovey feelings for the one they have at home, but they can still use her to clean the house. They just need you to be the love-dovey one, but they will never live a life with you either.

Note: A lot of the OGs who marry mos ab from Laos don't completely detach from the first wife unless she is remarried. Many will show all their love and affection to the mos ab, but still have a transactional relationship with niam loj. The niam loj knows this, too. They have no desire to start over so they stay in the marriage just so the mos ab can't have the husband all to herself.

[Believe_N_Me]

How you know if you or the other person is commitment-material is the fact that you can withstand super, long, boring periods of time without creating dysfunction. Some people need glitter and excitement. Stay away from these people. They are not commitment-material - at least not in any healthy way. Being in a relationship with them will give you a lot of anxiety.

[Believe_N_Me]

When a man loves a woman and is serious about her, there will be no confusion about it. Men don't play games with the woman they love. The last thing he wants to do is leave her confused about how he feels. He also wants the commitment because it's the honorable thing to do and more importantly, it takes her off the market.

Unless a man was forced into marriage by the elders (for the obvious reasons), it is very seldom that he proposed to a woman whom he didn't want to marry. Maybe a few months down the line he might start to feel like he doesn't want to interact with her, but he still picked her out of his own will. 

[Believe_N_Me]

Love bombing has only one intention: to create an unhealthy attachment.

[Believe_N_Me]

A relationship means that you're in each other's lives despite all the crap you got going on in your personal life.

[Believe_N_Me]

If a person isn't truly committed to you, there are so many things they're holding back that you're unaware of even if they are with you in the present.

[Believe_N_Me]

If a person omitted information to get you into a relationship with them, it means that they plan to continue manipulating you. If they agree to be transparent moving forward, then it means that they no longer have to feel guilty about their bad behavior.

This reminds me of the story about the cheating husband. After he was caught, he told the wife that he felt relieved. Now he could see his mistress openly and if the wife didn't like it, it was up to her to leave because he wasn't going to stop. So every time he was going to see the mistress, he would tell the wife before he went.

[Believe_N_Me]

Some people say they want to be in a relationship, but what's really happening is that they are currently feeling lonely. As soon as they don't feel lonely anymore, because your energy filled their cup, they will start to pull away. And then they will repeat the cycle with someone else if you're no longer accessible to them or they don't feel you can provide supply.

Don't give your energy to lonely people. Give your energy to people who are actually looking to be in a relationship. These people are not lonely. They are looking to partner up with someone to build a life.

[Believe_N_Me]

Everything my mother said about love and relationships turned out to be true.

[Believe_N_Me]

Everyone has a different view about effort in a relationship. The experts call it love languages.

If you want to know how much the other person loves you, ask them how they show love for someone. If they aren't doing that for you, then you know where you stand with them.

[Believe_N_Me]

Someone said, just because a man spends a lot of money on you it doesn't mean that he's serious about you. Men view money as a means to entertainment.

Someone else said, just because a woman gives you her attention it doesn't mean that she is serious about you. Women are naturally social creatures and are always seeking to expand their social circle.

[Believe_N_Me]

A relationship only works when all the people involved want it to work. I'm listening to relationship talk about money and while it sounds good, if one person repeatedly falls off the plan then it's not going to work. The other person has to either accept that their person is just going to do whatever they want or decide it's not worth being in the relationship.

[Believe_N_Me]

"God Knows"

I was once very much in love with a person. God knew my heart and He knew that the person I loved would not fulfill my wishes. He hardened that person's heart and that person ended up breaking my heart. If that person did not break my heart then I wouldn't have moved on to someone who did fulfill all my wishes. I would have wasted time in a relationship that would have ended anyways and worse, my wishes still unfulfilled.

You can love a person very much, but it doesn't mean that you're suppose to have a life with them, especially if they're not making the effort to build with you.

My aunt once told me that there is nothing worse than to hold onto something that is inevitably going to end anyways.

It is scary to let go of the person you love. It is heartbreaking to see them go. It makes you doubt your own self worth. You wonder why your love wasn't enough. God is saying to trust in Him. It's not that you weren't good enough. God is removing that person so that He can fill your cup with abundance.

Always remember that you did not lose anything. But they lost someone who loved them very much.

[Believe_N_Me]

I was reading an entry in Hmong anonymous. The female poster was struggling to get over her ex-boyfriend because they had lived together for 10 years and in that time he never wanted to marry her. After they broke up and he moved out, he got into another relationship and married that woman within 3 months. That's going to sting for awhile but she should remember that he never fulfilled any of her wishes during the 10 years of their relationship. She held on for far too long. Her sadness has more to do with her familiarity with him and not because he was a good partner who built a good life with her.

We are creatures of habit. Many of us do not like change even if how we're currently living isn't all that great. We grow accustomed to it, just like we grow accustomed to people. It's comfortable. It's familiar.

The sooner she changes her perspective about the ex, the sooner she will be able to move on. He didn't give her anything that she wanted. She basically wasted her time with him. Once she starts living the life that she really wants, or meets a man who wants the same thing and will build it with her, she'll look at her old life and laugh. She might even feel foolish for ever having been so sad about losing the ex.