You were my heroine and I your junkie... Together we formed a mismatched pair trying desperately to keep afloat in rough waters through brazen storms and amidst natural disaster. All I wanted from you was what I found in the beginning, a beginning that ended only a week into it's existence. All I wanted was that first week once again, and again, and again.. just a glimmer, a glimpse, a shred of hope. But I never found that week, instead taking it's place was fear, loathing, hopes dashed and hints given. And all along, I found out; that is what I have been searching for in everyone. All the ones that seemed to come between us, were dots on the map of a search for the connection, the passion, the intensity of what was once you and me. But all proved to be devoid of just that, and the search continues on. Did you know that was what I was looking for? Neither did I. So with promises made on both our parts, all we found in the end were hurtful words and cast-away expectations. All we found in the end was perhaps more than the beginning could have predicted.
You should be sorry that you have hurt me in so many ways on so many levels and in such dismay. Looking back it seems so obvious what was naivete for not having told me sooner. You should be sorry that you haven't been able to hold back. Haven't been able to see your own mistakes, haven't been able to know they were not okay. In the limelight that is my life, I thought there would be more to it than ... Space surrounding my mind, enough to keep me hidden behind.
And it all ends in a hurt feeling, a late night phone call and a dozen text messages. 1 year summed up in 1 short days, full of starts, stops and delays. But who ended it? You, me, they, we... you. You said goodbye a long time ago, but didn't want to take the time to tell me. You said goodbye amidst the chaos of happenings, between tears in my eyes, and random silent goodbyes. You said goodbye half a dozen or more times, and then forgot each time to tell me, to finalize.
You said goodbye but didn't want to, wanted to hang on through and through to pass through time until you had finally give in. I wanted there to be more to me and you, but more there would never be between two souls who could not give more than the minimum of we. When you could not arrive, and I could not depart, when you would not decide and I would not ask. We always know from the beginning if only we would listen.
It's not a great challenge at all. If you know who you want and stop it with the "Bachelor life" and make that person yours. If you can't throw away your bachelor life then yes this will and always be a challenge to you. If you would stop it with the excuses and open your heart. When you do open up your heart you will find out that this isn't a challenge at all. Stop thinking it's a buffet and you will find that special someone. Its too bad I wasn't that special someone... You said you didn't want to see me get hurt, so does that mean you closed your eyes when I cried? Why is there a "you" in "me" but never a "me" in "you"? Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you care. I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can’t because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most. I guess sometimes it's better to leave it broken than try to hurt myself putting it back together. I tried all that I can and when you find that girl that treats you the same way, make sure that you let me know that I wasn't shit to you.
One thing before I go though, there’s something I've got to know; did you ever care for me or love me? I guess you didn’t, and we never had enough time to know… Like you said, only time will tell, but the time has come to an end.
You don't know how much it hurts.... I'm giving you my resignation. "Maybe Next Life."
Topic: You were my heroine and I your junkie... (Read 1332 times)