So yeah... I think I'll do an "I can't sleep tonight" journal here! I'll come pitter patter my thoughts here when I can't fall asleep.
Unfortunately tonight I can't fall back asleep.
I went to sleep today at 5 pm, woke up at 10 pm, and well here I am now, 2 hours later.
I went to the fridge and ate some ice cream and drank a little water.
So anyways!
I was thinking(since I can't sleep)....
I was thinking about my babe way back in the day.
I remember the night when she kicked me to the curb, that night she asked me where do I see myself in 5 years....
And now, it's been almost 5 years. I remember snapping a picture of her covering her face and setting it up as my phone screen saver picture and marking it as the day my heart broke. OH wells! Things like that happen in life right?
Anyways! On to my ramble thoughts..
She asked me where do I see myself in 5 years? At the time, I really didn't know what to tell her. Honestly I never really put any thought to it. I guess I'm just the kind of guy that just takes life as it comes and don't really have any goals in life. I did have a "thought" of something that I wanted to do back then, but it was kinda silly and childish in a way, only in the fact that it was more like a naive "dream" than a goal. I didn't want to tell her because I was a bit embarrassed, but in any case it wasn't still something a "mature" guy would/should say and something a girl who's ready to settle wants to hear anyways so I just kept it to myself. It was an attainable goal but to me it's more like a wishful thinking dream like thing.
So basically I told her I don't know because my "in 5 years" sounds silly and plus I didn't want to say things I probably wouldn't have accomplished in 5 years.
Now that I'm evaluating how things have turned out for me in the past... past 5-8 years... honestly it's turning out pretty decent. As far as my life's path that's taking me, it just seems to me like things just kind of work out for me without planning. Job-wise, things just kind of fall into place or I just get "lucky" a lot. I don't make any plans or set any goals, things just kind of work out for me. For example this next "job" I'm getting into just kinda got lucking getting it, I didn't see myself doing this 5 years ago or even think of going into this field. This job I'm going into doesn't play near as much as what I think the average pay for most of the member's in here is but it's a stepping stone for other fields that should pay around that range depending on location.
I don't have a house, I been just renting out for the past years, I don't see a point in buying a house now, but now, I can at least say YES! I do plan on being a homeowner. I don't have money yet, but I have been thinking about buying a house.
Also, I've become pretty health conscious, I'm still working on my body! But I have become more health conscious, I'm not saying I wasn't before but nowadays, I read the labels and watch my calories.
Vehicles? Well everyone has at least one nowadays so I don't see that being any issue. But! I don't know if I'd let her drive any of them! Just kidding! I remember she asked me and I was hesitant and paused..... and I know she was probably definitely thinking "Oh! He love his car more than me!" It was a bit awkward for a second... Yes! I do lover her! But I love my car too! Yes it sounds goofey but that was the kinda guy I was back then I guess. But then I tried to teach her to drive stick because well, I love her more! I hope she knows how much I love her to let try to drive stick with my car. When I got a message from my brother saying he had some bad news for me and he told me my car got stolen, I cried! Tears came out! It wasn't a wimpering sobbing cry but I felt sad a bit and a couple tears roll down. Babe don't worry, when you broke my heart I cried more! But see! That's how much I love you! More than my car!
Hopefully, I'm dressing better nowadays too.. When we were dating, I don't think I was the most fashionable guy there was at all. I pretty much just rocked a t-shirt and shorts all the time. Even in winter time with the snow! Yeap that was me. It must've been embarrassing for her sometimes... she probably didn't care, but I guess a guy should make an effort to look good for his girl every now and then. But the thing was, even when I tried to dress nice, I don't think it even looked good on me! OH wells! But then I met this guy, he's become a good friend. We hung out alot, in the city. The city as in NYC. First time we hung out up there, he was telling me that folks dress up a little bit more in the city compared to... the jersey shore. At the time I was living at the jersey shore. I remember we hit up the jersey shore first. He said to me that he was a little too dressed up for the jersey shore. I did look around the place we was hanging out at and... yeah he was a bit overdressed even thought it wasn't overdressed at all. I didn't get it though. He only had a button up and some jeans and some nice boots on. Me being mister non-fashion just thought it was normal dressing. But then I look around and everyone's in tanks and tee's and shorts and sandals. I myself was just in tee's and shorts and sandals, but c'mon, we're on the beach! That's what we're suppose to wear right?! Oh wells...So then we start hanging out in NYC...so he's telling me I need to dress a big nicer, like I can't be wearing short's and tee's and sandals... we never getting into clubs if I'm wearing that and that girls will and won't talk to you based on how you look. So I start picking up on his fashion sense. Basically, I started to dress more like my age I guess you can say! This guy grew up in new york and NYC is his stomping grounds so yeah, I'll take his word for it when it comes to how you should dress and he's always banging hot chicks so.... I was introduced to some brands I've never heard of. I basically wore addidas stuff and that's it. And it's funnie nowadays... sometimes when I would go out with my friend I would think to myself, "I think babe would like me better if she saw how I dress now".
And as far as me and her went relationship-wise, honestly I never thought there'd be a day we wouldn't "be together", the thought never crossed my mind as at the time I just felt like we were going to be like this and together forever. Yes I wasn't thinking about marriage yet or the thought being in my head at all because we were already together but... yeah I didn't see a day in the future where we wouldn't be together. Honestly I just felt like... we just going to ride off to the sunset together till the end of days. The only person I saw and knew was just her. Like, she was it! And I guess I unknowingly took it for granted that we were going to be together and it was going to be this way forever at the time.... little did I know... oh wells!
So I guess now almost 5 years later I can answer her question better.
I would say "Well! I'm going to buy a house and I'm setting myself up to have a decent paying job and obviously getting married to you!"
Seems kinda simple to say right? Yet I couldn't say it!
And that's why I got kicked to the curb! But I'm glad at least to myself, less than 5 years later, I'm headed somewhere and changed somewhat for the better.
I think it's only been 4 years since the question... so babe! I still got 1 more year to see where I'm at in life!
I'm getting sleepy now.... looks like thinking and typing works better than counting sheeps! But dang! I gotta wake up early! Only becuase I want too though... should I do 5 am or 6 am? I guess I'll do 5 am, I'm suppose to have been, according to me, a different health conscious person now right? Ab work outs, yikes! It's going to feel like knives driving into my abdomen, oh wells!
Ok "I can't sleep" journal! I'll talk to you next time when I can't sleep!
Topic: Can't sleep tonight! Oh wells...this'll be my "I Can't Sleep" journal I guess! (Read 1304 times)