On our second date he asked one of the most weirdest question a guy could ever ask me.
"Do you ever think of having kids, Rebel? Bc if you do I can give it to you... just say when"
Those were his exact words. My immediate thought was, "wow, this guy...did he think I was going to trap him into a relationship by getting myself pregnant with his baby? Is he testing me? Trying to get laid? Lol Maybe girls he dated wanted his baby... But I don't want to be tied down by anyone, certainly not with a guy I just met and definitely not with a guy who told me he was going a take me stargazing but ended up taking me on a 2 hour getaway trip to some mountain cabin in the ducken middle of nowhere...
"No...," I said to him. I wanna travel and do things with my life. Maybe in the near future like, in 10 years... I would want girls."
"Wow that's kinda long, don't you think... you can still do travels with kids, you know that right?"
"Are you for reals? You don't even know me lol"
"Yeah I am...lol"
We laughed it off and I forgot about it...
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A couple weeks ago, he was walking in and out of the house, prepping the food and getting the BBQ grill started... sometimes when he seems super busy like that, I know that he is always looking at me and "thinking" or I'll catch him just staring and like, wondering? Lol
He casually asked me again...
"So rebel, what do you think about having kids? Do you want kids?"
"Yeah, I told you I do...someday, I want girls though."
"Yeah? How many do you want?"
"Two...nothing more than that.. But not now, I really enjoy being able to do what I like... that's just not something in my mind right now....maybe in 10 years, I'll think about it..."
He was standing by the BBQ grill, shirtless looking so freaking masculine and sexy under the patio light, holding a pair of kitchen tong in one hand...
"You and your 10 years....what if I want kids now??
I stared at him from where I was sitting and didn't answer him. I ignored the question with a light smile and looked away.
He knows my thoughts on that.
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Last night he had the baby talk with me again.
"Rebel do you want kids?"
"Are you fuking serious....You really want kids?"
"Yes I do.... I want a couple of them...I can give them to you... I can give you girls... they will look so cute being half Hmong and ******* I can already see how cute they will look.... let's try for it....I'll give you whatever you want. Serious. You just say when, woman...oh and I want to meet your parents..."
"Oh what the duck! You're getting too serious here...That shits too much for me...No ones meeting anyone's momma...yet lol"
"lol fine. Then what's you're mothers name?"
I told him. He came at me with a hug but I pushed him off like I don't want it...
"Hey I think you're mad at me bc I shaved my face today!"
Lol we laughed and I reached up to give him a peck on his cheeks, I didn't notice it but he always looks handsome whenever he smiles.
It's crazy that he has baby fever but I'm still trying to have fun and sort my life out...so I don't think we're on the same page. I don't even know what kind of father he is... I haven't seen every side to him yet. What kind of life would we live? What makes a man want a baby? Is that normal? A red flag? What if we break up when we're not even officially together? What if having a baby change things in our relationship? What if I'm not ready for it? What if it was the wrong decision with the wrong guy and the wrong time? How would I know for sure he was a good guy? Or the right guy? Is this something I can commit myself to? I'm losing my mind over this shit... i can't trust my self to be sure...and I don't want to go into something blindly.
I know it's weird but with my ex husband, he was the most charming person I ever met in my life. Everyone who meets him, fall in love with his charms and his character. He wanted to get married. I didn't. But I went along and later found out that he was a demon in disguise... that thought of repeating history again, scares me. So I keep waiting to find something bad... to see where he ticks, to see how he is when he frustrated or in a bad mood. To see how he communicate, deal with issues, fix something, I pay attention to his words and action but most importantly, I want to know how he love...